These were memories from fifteen years ago of Zen’s impressionable days of boyhood. For the year that Zen had spent challenging the Advanced Civil Service Exam, he’d lived in a student dormitory together with some other examinees. His first love had been among them.
Her name was Aness, and she was a beautiful girl whose bright eyes reflected her strong-minded nature. Her gallant gestures and demeanor, along with her bold, straightforward way of speaking, made menswear suit her especially well. Aness, who was only two years older than Zen, seemed like a very grown-up woman, and he adored her like a big sister almost immediately. His real older sister was a tyrant who was strong but nothing else. Zen, who very much had the personality of a little brother, projected the ideal older sister figure he sought onto Aness, who was both strong and kind.
However, she still wasn’t actually family, so there were many moments where he’d find himself charmed by her feminine characteristics. Pretty soon after they grew close, those feelings of adoration turned into love.
That was right—out of all one hundred examinees that’d been gathered together from across the empire, Aness was the closest female friend he had.
There were many examinees in their twenties since they were all taking the Advanced Civil Service Exam, which was normal to attempt five or even ten times. It was also normal for people to gain experience as local officials first before taking the exam, so examinees in their thirties weren’t uncommon either. If anything, examinees as young as Zen were in the minority, so they often grouped together naturally.
In addition, he had Aness assisting him in his studies every night during the exam. She always teased him, saying things like, “You still haven’t finished the assignment? Or are you just addicted to my scoldings?”
Zen had also been young and cheeky back then, so he immediately retorted, “Of course I don’t want to get scolded. Why would I get addicted?”
“But don’t boys like to be scolded by beautiful women?”
“There might be guys out there who are into that, sure. By the way, it’s crazy you can call yourself a beautiful woman with a straight face.”
“But you like my face, right?” she said brazenly with a triumphant smile.
That was the kind of person Aness was, and Zen absolutely loved that smile of hers that brimmed with such self-confidence, to the point that it made him speechless.
Of course, her confidence didn’t come from nowhere. The examinees attended a lecture at noon every day held by the examiners, and each person tackled the assignment given to them in the evening. These assignments were purely to nourish their abilities. The examiners considered each and every one of the examinees’ strengths and weaknesses, and tailored their assignments accordingly. That was why being tutored by someone else or working together like this wasn’t prohibited. It was all right if the assignment took a while to solve, and even if you got the wrong answer and had to resubmit, it would have no impact on your final exam grade.
On the other hand, there were other tests of varying lengths called “assessments” held periodically. Those had to be taken by yourself, and the scores you received affected whether you succeeded in the end, so everyone put their all into them. The results were officially announced to the examinees each time.
Aness always beat out the adults on the scoreboard in those assessments and received the top class marks. It was a world of difference from Zen, who was put through the trenches every day just by the assignments alone. There were days he’d scream out things like, “This one in particular is super hard! I’ve never had to resubmit my answers five times before!”
That evening, he was sitting in the library inside the dorms as the night drew on.
Aness, who’d stayed by Zen’s side, was stifling a laugh at his pathetic state. “The hint is that all examiners are totally evil.” She wouldn’t immediately give him the answer when she was teaching him. She always guided him to solve the assignment himself. As a teacher, she might’ve been even better than the examiners. But that day, the assignment was just such a beast to tackle.
“I still don’t get it even with a hint!” cried Zen. “‘List ten problems of the tuntian system that Marlya established.’ Even when I think about it or look into it, I still don’t know. The examiners will see through me if I try to brute force the answer. I’m done for. I actually thought Marlya’s Tuntian System was a huge success. The only problem might’ve been that it just took time to see any results. No, even so, compared to other military agro-colonial systems...”
Slamming his head down on the desk, Zen couldn’t help whining. He was exposing how weak and incompetent he was in front of his crush—how miserable! “It’s telling me to find ten points of criticism? Isn’t the question itself wrong?!”
He continued to complain, his voice anguished. Then his own words gave him a revelation. Aness smiled broadly.
He asked his “teacher” to confirm what he was thinking. “There was no problem with Marlya’s Tuntian System,” he said. “Is the answer that the question itself is wrong...?”
“That’s right, Zen.”
“There’s gotta be a limit to how evil those examiners are!” he exclaimed.
“However, I do think this was an important assignment for a good-natured person like you,” she said. “Picture yourself as a government official in the future. When your superior gives you incorrect instructions or when the empire is heading down the wrong path, are you going to just obediently keep your head down? You need to question people and the rules more.”
“Ugh...” Zen couldn’t say anything back to Aness’s mature advice.
Man, I can’t compete against her, he thought and once more fell upon his desk, his face hot. The night drew on as Zen’s sweet mood remained.
The student dormitories were located in one section of the imperial palace and allowed you to indulge in as many candles as you pleased. Zen couldn’t help but feel like it was a good excuse to extend his alone time with his crush every night, even if only by one second. At the same time, he felt some guilt.
“I’m sorry for always troubling you, Aness,” he said. “I took so long to figure out something this easy. I had you stay with me so late.”
“I don’t mind. The Leadon family is giving me a nice paycheck. They’re helping with my tuition. I couldn’t bear to look my parents in the eye after failing the exam a second time,” Aness assured him, laughing him off.
Conversely, Zen’s heart ached. He’d started living inside the dorms, which was a rule for examinees, and the Leadon family had employed his fellow examinee Aness as a private tutor. Aness’s friendship with Zen was the real deal, of course. However, the closest friendships still had their limits. The reason she looked over Zen’s studies every night was probably only because it was her job.
Unlike the wealthy Leadon family, Aness had been born into a middle-class family. The Advanced Civil Service Exam took place over the course of a year, so the expenses (shouldered by the examinees themselves) were by no means cheap. Zen had heard that Aness’s parents were in debt.
In a self-deprecating manner of speaking, he was using his family’s money to buy his sweet alone time with her.
Even so, I just can’t stop... I’m such an underhanded person. What part of me is good-natured?
It felt like his heart was going to split in two from these conflicted emotions. In the height of his adolescence, he hadn’t understood his own mind, nor just how mad love made a person.
There was one more thing he felt guilty about.
“I can’t help but worry you’re neglecting your own studies for the time you spend working with me instead,” he said. On top of the fact that geniuses from all over the empire were gathered here, the exam functioned as a high barrier where it was the norm to attempt it several times. You usually didn’t have the luxury of helping someone else. Zen was busy enough with himself as it was.
All three of his older siblings, after turning fourteen—the age at which you become a qualified candidate—had challenged the exam and passed as the top student in one try. His family wanted Zen to continue the trend, and the pressure was overwhelming.
Aness was probably in the same boat. Her parents wouldn’t stay quiet if she kept failing. Her situation shouldn’t differ from his just because she was from an ordinary household. Furthermore, if Zen passed, that would mean he would be stealing one of the limited spots that Aness also desired to be placed in.
Aness was raising a rival and continuing to support him, so to speak. If Zen actually did pass while she just barely failed, he’d be so unbearably sorry.
Despite that, Aness only laughed it off. “Ha ha ha, it’s at least five years too early for you to be worrying about me!”
Then, still brimming with confidence, she declared, “I can pass whenever I want. I failed the first two times on purpose.”
“What?! This is the first I’m hearing of this!” Zen exclaimed.
“Well, it’s because it doesn’t sound good for my reputation, and I’ll probably get laughed at.” Aness smiled sweetly, letting him know that she was telling him because he was Zen.
“Why would you go out of your way to do that...?” Zen couldn’t hide his astonishment. It didn’t sound like something a person struggling with tuition would say.