“You’re making splendid progress. You’re nearly there!”
One morning, Karumi came and collected a status report from me. As we spoke, she flicked around the labyrinth manager UI as fast as ever, probably inspecting the labyrinth’s stats? It seemed like a very convenient way to dig into details on the labyrinth’s performance, but I wished she’d at least look at the report I’d prepared. I worked really hard on that...
“Your high expulsion ratio is quite satisfactory. I only see one cause for concern: the number of return visitors.”
I knew that would stick out like a sore thumb. Apparently labyrinths didn’t usually get a lot of repeat customers.
“Is that a problem?”
“There are no stipulations regarding it, but you’re more likely to be audited if any of your statistics are particularly out of the ordinary.”
“I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise we won’t keep getting them.”
The easiest solution would be to just start killing the intruders, but I obviously didn’t want to go for that one.
“Please do whatever you can.”
“By the way, how come you’re wearing a ball gown?”
Karumi was wearing the frilliest pink dress I’d ever seen. It was such a departure from her usual business attire that I couldn’t even bring myself to maintain eye contact with her.
“Can we please not talk about this? Honestly, if you can, just forget you ever saw me like this.”
She must’ve screwed up again and gotten caught this time. If only I had the smartphone I left back in the office, I would’ve pulled it out to take a few pictures. On second thought, it was probably for the best I didn’t have it.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Mmgh! Mmmm!”
Once Karumi had arrived, Ann’s eyes had started gleaming, so I’d been forced to clamp my hand over Ann’s mouth for this entire conversation. Whatever she wanted to say was undoubtedly going to be an innocent and pure compliment, and I was nonetheless certain it would cut Karumi deeper than any knife.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Mr. Theodoran, was it? A pleasure. I’m Aoi, the manager of Labyrinth #228.”
Word arrived one day that a notable guest staying at the mayor’s house wished to meet the local labyrinth manager, and I headed there to pay my respects. I didn’t really have anything like a suitable meeting room at the labyrinth, so the mayor had offered us his living room so we could talk.
“Merchant extraordinaire Theodoran, at your service.”
The guest turned out to be a Daemon, perhaps a bit older than me. A young man, mostly human-looking, though with a pair of horns coming out of his head. Finally, a really demonic Daemon! I mean, it would’ve been even cooler if he’d had blue skin or a pointy tail or whatever, but at least this was something. Now I was curious about what race he was.
“You appear to be staring at me, sir. Do you need something?”
“Oh, uh, excuse me. Can you tell me why you wanted to talk to me?”
Those glasses made him look like a real intellectual. I bet if I brought a picture of him back to my world, you could slap it on the cover of a women’s magazine and make bank. Between Ann and Deneb, I’d grown accustomed to beautiful Daemon girls, but this was the first time I’d seen such a handsome male Daemon. The elves around the village did have a certain quality about them, to be sure, but this guy’s air of effortless grace left one hell of an impression.
“I would like to purchase the magic potions you produce.”
He smoothly unrolled a contract on the table. It was all one piece of vellum, processed animal hide used as paper, and the handwriting on it was pristine. Somehow, I had a very bad feeling all of a sudden. I felt all the curiosity drain from me as I read the contract. Did he think I was an idiot? He was looking to buy a huge supply, thousands of potions, but the price per potion was paltry. He was offering less than Fez was, over at the stall he’d opened in the village for hunters to cash out their potions from the labyrinth. The contract even came with an exclusivity clause which only seemed to benefit him. And lastly...
“What is this part about providing the manufacturing process details?”
“I’d like to formally take custody of one of the Daemons you employ in the labyrinth for the purposes of potion making. I’ll cover their support costs, of course. This is a standard clause in any such large-scale contract; I’m only looking out for your own interests. I can’t imagine letting go of one of your subordinates who can perform alchemy would hurt your bottom line terribly much?”
Theodoran directed a cold, empty smile at me. Ann’s hackles rose, and a low growl came from her throat as she stepped up closer to me and put her hand to my shirt. Well, at least now I understood what he was after. He wanted it all. Cheap magic potions he could sell at a huge profit, and then the means to produce those potions himself down the line. Even if that didn’t pan out, he’d at least acquire someone who could inspect and provide quality control for the goods.
So he expected me to sell him Ann.
“Ha hah... Ha ha ha ha!”
This was hilarious. Did he really think I’d accept? I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud.
“C-Calm down, Aoi.”
“Boss, this ain’t good.”
Ann and Donnel both whispered to me, their faces pale. Why were they so concerned? Oh man, I totally lost it there for a second. How embarrassing. And here I’d been trying to teach Ann the importance of keeping up a good poker face when you were in the middle of a fight.
“Donnel, Carla, please escort our guest to the exit. Gently, please.”
Theodoran’s two guards, ogres built like towers of muscle, both took a step forward.
“Are you certain about this? You may find your life a touch more difficult than it once was if you choose to antagonize me.”
The fake smile disappeared from his face, replaced with surprise. If this were a normal labyrinth, perhaps accepting some cash in exchange for a subordinate wouldn’t have been that big a deal. But he was asking me to sell my family. I mentally reconsidered the way I viewed Theodoran, no longer thinking of him as a visitor and instead assessing him objectively. Yes, I knew that look in his eyes. He was just like the rivals I’d seen in big tournaments. That burning enthusiasm in his eyes. The will to never give up, to crush his enemies. I wondered, did I perhaps look the same? If neither side of the negotiation was willing to budge, then there was only one way to solve this. I recalled a very particular phrase I’d once heard, one which fit the scene like a glove.
Where had I heard it again? Ohhh, right, it was that famous empire-building MMORPG, Imperialization. The game was about the wonders and triumphs of the far western world during the Middle Ages. They’d beautifully recreated the American continents at about a one-half scale, which let them fit the entire world-wide user base onto a single server. There was no Japanese localization, but it’d still been a pretty big deal.
I’d started playing with a few friends back when the game first launched, but we’d begun running into problems when we decided to build a farm on the Pacific coast. There was this guild of Europeans who built a hotel nearby and harassed us daily. They were horribly vulgar. They were giving one of my guildmates a particularly hard time, and pretty soon he was talking about quitting the game. Once that happened, I gathered all my buddies together and hatched a plan.
I was in no mood to negotiate. I found their guild leader, pulled up the command to start a guild war, and pushed the button without hesitation. One of my guildmates tried to leave a parting shot in English, but it came out terribly garbled. Another of our pals thought it was hilarious, so he screenshot it and uploaded it to his blog, and from there, it went viral. You could see it in all manner of parody videos and whatnot. The line was...
“So, it do be war.”
I murmured it under my breath, or at least, so I thought. Theodoran thought he was going to beat me down; I hoped he was ready to get his butt whooped in return.
“I’ll make you regret those words.”
Wow, he didn’t even blink. This guy wasn’t messing around.
He waved over his two ogres and left without another word.
“Snap out of it, Boss! You’re scarin’ the girls.”
Donnel stepped up and rapped me on the shoulder before gesturing at Ann and Carla. Ann was trembling, her arms wrapped around my waist, and Carla was huddled down on the floor, her tail curled around her and her fox ears laid back.
“Oh. Thanks, Donnel. Sorry, girls.”
I paused a moment to consider the potential consequences of what I’d just started. In my world, human history was a long saga of war and conflict. But perhaps that was not a mindset I should be bringing to a peaceful village like Milt. And I suddenly remembered what my guild pals had told me, after that day. That war had taught them the true meaning of suffering.