“Mmgghh! Hnngg! Nnngggh!”
I forfeit. I give up. I surrender. Ryan tried again and again to get the words out, but for some reason his lips remained firmly closed against his will.
“What the hell...?”
And yet, for some reason he could say anything else with no trouble at all. What’s going on? Is this a curse? I’ve never heard of a curse that forbids you from saying specific phrases!
“...Mmmggghhh!” I GIVE UP! “MMMMGGGHHHHN!!!” I FORFEIT!!!
No dice.
“What’s the matter, Ryan? Cat got your tongue?” Tanya sneered.
Meanwhile, far behind her on the bench, Laplace sat with an amused smirk on her face. Naturally, it was she who had cursed Ryan to be incapable of forfeiting. And of course, her spell was extremely powerful.
“Heh heh heh... Anything’s a piece of cake for the Great Sorceress!”
“Nom nom... Tha’sh incredible, Laplashe,” Nadine exclaimed through a mouthful of food. Currently she was leaning back with her feet up, enjoying a plate of bone-in sausages. Apparently, no one had ever taught her not to talk with her mouth full. “Do you want beer or wine? I’ll call someone over for us.”
“Oh, I’d love a glass of wine, thank you.”
“Okay! Let’s get some appetizers while we’re at it. The food here is actually really good!”
Evidently the two of them were planning to treat Ryan’s humiliating defeat like the spectacle it was, complete with popcorn.
“...Now then, are you ready, Laplace?”
“Oui, oui. Let’s do it!”
Surrounded by carnival food and alcohol, Nadine cleared her throat. Then she picked up the spoon they’d given her with her chicken fried rice, turned it around, and held it to her lips.
Laplace snapped her fingers—
“Alllllright, ladies and gentlemen! Here we are at the Sparring Tournament championship match, round three! Reporting to you live, I’m Nadine Amaryllis! And for commentary, I have here with me—”
“Stone Cold Stunner, unrivaled beauty, at your service! Bonjour!”
—and so the two began their high-energy coverage of the match. As Nadine’s voice boomed across the stadium, the audience came alive with confused murmurs.
“Wh... What’s going on?! How is her voice so loud?”
“Maybe it’s some newfangled magical artifact...?”
Meanwhile...
“Oh my! Ryan’s flung himself onto the ground! Perfect form, arc—yes, and he’s stuck the landing! It’s like he was born to prostrate himself!”
“Mmm... But you can’t really sense any sincerity in it, can you?”
“Indeed... My report here says Ryan’s spent his whole life thinking a half-assed apology will get him out of anything.”
“Oui, oui. And I’m told he still hasn’t paid Tanya that 50,000 seculs he borrowed from her back in adventuring school! He’s just not very responsible, is he?”
Murmurs of “Wow...” and “What a dick...” could be heard throughout the crowd.
“Whoa! Realizing his apology isn’t working, Ryan’s now started to lick her boots!”
“Talk about a lack of dignity.”
“WOW! Tanya just kicked him square in the face!”
“Hahaha! He should’ve seen that one coming. Nobody wants your nasty saliva on their shoes!”
“That’s an extremely good point, actually! Nothing about that seemed apologetic in the least! Oh... It seems Ryan’s crying pretty hard out there.”
“...Nope! Crocodile tears.”
“And there it is! HE’S FAKING IT, FOLKS! This grown man is FAKE CRYING!”
“Oh, and now he’s mad that we saw through it.”
“He’s literal trash!!!”
At this, the crowd burst out laughing, at Ryan’s expense, of course.
“Good lord! Is this seriously the team that placed second last year?”
“Well, Tanya was on their team last year, so.”
“This dude sure loved to brag about being the party leader. What a joke!”
“I think I’m done hiring them for quests...”
“Yeah... I’ll ask the Guild to blacklist them.”
And so the market value of Ryan’s party took a sharp nosedive.
“Oh! Tanya’s shot off a Fireball!”
“You see, normally a Magi-Knight’s mana circuits are optimized to pass mana through their sword. But Tanya’s so talented, she can still cast the regular way! She never ceases to amaze!”
“Uh-oh! Ryan’s clothes have caught fire! You’re on fire, sir! Now he’s running around like a chicken with its head cut off! That won’t help you, Ryan! Get with the program, come on!”
“Aha! This must be part of Tanya’s strategy.”
“How so?”
“Did you catch that statement from Ryan just now? ‘I’ll do whatever you want, so please, help me!’”
“He did say that, didn’t he? Ooh, Tanya just swung her sword! She’s fired a massive torrent of Water Magic straight at Ryan!”
“Oof... The hydraulic pressure just sent him flying. And what a spectacular flight it was!”
“You know, Ryan’s technically supposed to be a Knight, but I’m not seeing any Knight skills.”
“Oh yeah, about that. Apparently he cheated or hired proxies for all his tests in adventuring school. He’s less of a Knight and more of a Gambler, if you ask me!”
With Nadine’s commentary and the ravishing Stone Cold Stunner’s analysis, the crowd’s opinion of Ryan began to sour like old milk.
Meanwhile, Ryan staggered to his feet, clutching at his ashen, hole-ridden clothes.
“Mmmgggaaahhh!” Please, just let me forfeit!
But Laplace’s magic held fast. What a fearsome curse it was.
“Now then, Ryan...” Tanya walked up in front of him, grinning. “What was it you said just now? You’ll do anything?”
Ryan took one look at her sinister sneer and shrieked. “I’ll do anything! Just don’t hurt meeee!”
Around them, the arena reverberated with spectators screaming Tanya’s name. Holding her naked sword, she readily shifted into a fighting stance; Ryan stumbled backwards and fell onto his rear. And as Tanya slowly inched closer, he shrieked and scrambled back even further.
Then, finally, his back collided with the wall. The crowd’s cheers began to swell in anticipation of the knockout blow. He was just such a pushover—completely incompetent. And in a match between the woman who had done all the heavy lifting and the man who had lazily foisted it upon her, it was plain to see who would come out on top.
His voice came back to her: I’m sorry, but you’re off the team. You’re a woman, Tanya.
“Heh heh... Don’t think for a minute I’m going to make this painless for you.”
“Aah... aaah...!”
The look in her eyes was cold. Unfeeling.
He shrieked and trembled as she lifted her sword high into the air—
“IT’S SHOWTIIIIME!”