Chapter 6

“Hmm,” I offered. I knew that just because someone liked manga about tough guys and delinquents, it didn’t mean they approved of fighting or bad behavior themselves. Miyano, with his extensive knowledge of manga, probably didn’t, either. It must have made this a serious inner conflict for him. It seemed best just to let him talk, so I tried not to interrupt. He went on. “Now I’ve seen it with my own eyes, though. I watched a classmate get beat up, and when Sasaki tried to help, he only got hurt, too. I see now that it’s not actually that easy to feel moe about.” I heard him take a breath. There was a look of self-criticism on his face. “Obviously, there’s not that much violence around here, but I still can’t shake the thought that maybe it’s not okay to get so moe about BL. At the same time, I keep seeing things and thinking, Oh, that’s like something out of a BL manga.” He was talking quicker. Maybe he was embarrassed. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for thinking of you in those kinds of situations, Hirano. When I’d never want them to happen in real life.” Oh… Me? Hearing my name at the end of this whole explanation brought it all together. That’s why he was telling me. That’s why he always looked like he wanted to say something to me. I felt light in a way I hadn’t before this conversation. I slumped in my chair, realizing I’d had it all wrong. “So you weren’t just intimidated?” I asked. I thought of my roommate and realized I seemed to have a lot of awfully confident underclassmen around me. “I dunno much about BL. But tell me this stuff instead of keeping it inside, okay?” I couldn’t just laugh it off as something he shouldn’t be so dire about. Miyano’s distress was obviously real to him, and I could see how it upset him to be questioning something he enjoyed so much. “Huh?” “It’s sort of like rehabilitation, I guess. This BL stuff means a lot to you, and I appreciate you telling me about it. Long as you don’t cause real trouble, I won’t get upset.” I wasn’t going to tell him to quit his hobby or stop dragging the real world into it or anything like that. I was the one who made him come clean even though he had come straight to me for help. I figured it was on me to see it through to the end. “Sure, of course…! Thank you very much!” I was never really the babysitting type. It was only just recently that I had started to see underclassmen as sort of sweet and lovable—only since I’d become an upperclassman myself. I wonder if Kagi’s rubbing off on me, I thought. Dealing with my roommate had definitely given me a new perspective on how to relate to people who were younger than I was. The fact that I could bring that understanding into my committee activities was a pretty noticeable change for me. Once he had resolved to stop worrying about it, I still saw Miyano giving me furtive looks from time to time, but more and more often he shared his “moe talk” with me and started to seem less reserved. He never let go of the relatively polite way he talked to me, but he didn’t hold back, either. It made him seem particularly outgoing among the first-years. He was pretty darn energetic, that was for sure. His imagination never seemed to quit, either. To my surprise, he asked about “things between me and my roommate” with taxing enthusiasm. He repeatedly alleged that it was “too moe to believe; it can’t be real!” Sure. Whatever. So he was pretty forward with me, but I never felt like he was mocking or insulting me, so even though this kept up for months, I never felt the need to stop him. I let it go in one ear and out the other, just like I’d told him I would. He started speaking up a lot more in Disciplinary Committee meetings too, even though first-years usually found it intimidating to contribute to the committee’s plans. That was partly because of the regimented nature of the committee’s agenda, but it’s also because the committee’s initiatives require so much thought. A lot of the stuff we do deals with details that could be seen as curtailing students’ autonomy. Changing any customs or rules was a tricky subject, but Miyano tackled it without ever seeming cowed. He made himself more and more integral every day. He was serious and dedicated but had the willpower to turn down anything that didn’t seem right to him. The same qualities that came through in his “moe” stuff. I guess that’s better than someone who keeps his mouth shut and never does anything, I thought. I simply promised myself that I would punch him if he ever crossed the line. Recently, though, he’d been spending more and more time with Sasaki, so I heard fewer of his tales of moe. At first, I guessed it was mostly Sasaki who insisted on talking to Miyano, but before any of us knew it, they were fast friends. I worried that Miyano might pick up Sasaki’s magnetism for trouble but only briefly. If anything, it started to seem like Sasaki was less tardy than before, thanks to Miyano. I’d planned to intervene if Miyano seemed like he was bothering Sasaki—or vice versa—but it’s hard to tell how two guys are getting along from the outside. I decided it wasn’t cool to stick my nose in. Instead, I just kept an eye on my classmate. I watched the changes in him; he started exchanging books with this underclassman. Hey, maybe he’d stumbled on someone who would be a good influence on him.