Chapter 10

“Grab that for me, would you, Kagi?” “Sure thing. Here you go.” My name is Kagiura—Akira Kagiura—which is why my golden-haired roommate, Hirano, calls me Kagi. Hearing that sweet little nickname come out of his mouth still makes my heart beat faster. The dorm leader, Hanzawa, swears he’s never heard Hirano give anyone else a nickname. Personally speaking, no one’s ever called me that before. They call me Kagiura, Akira, or Akki. Once, my friends even started calling me by the name of the hero’s sword in a video game we were into. But Kagi, that was special. I’d come to high school to play basketball. I never dreamed I would fall in love here. Who had I fallen in love with? Hirano, of course. Okay, so occasionally he defied expectations, but he had a deep compassion and was always decent to me, and life with him was genuinely fulfilling. Then came November 11, a day when lovers were supposed to enjoy a special game together. I’d known about it, but I was hazy on the details. So I was surprised when a box of Pocky suddenly appeared before me. “Here, Kagiura,” Niibashi said. “What’s this?” I asked. “It’s Pocky.” “Well, yeah. I can see that.” I had just been getting up to go to basketball practice when Niibashi stopped me, so I set my bag down on the desk. Niibashi had his pointer fingers stuck straight up by his ears to make an eleven, making him look even more feminine than usual. I guess at least he was polite enough not to stick his fingers right in my face. He had that much going for him. “Did you know November eleventh is Pocky and Pretz Day? ’Cause it’s eleven-eleven, and the snacks sort of look like ones.” I’ve heard that… I think. I nodded. Guess every day is some sort of celebration somewhere in the world. “Huh,” I said. Niibashi looked annoyed. “Do you know the Pocky Game?” he asked. I suppose he realized that over the six months we’d known each other, he’d always been the comic relief in our conversations and that I didn’t really see where he was going with this. “Er, yeah. You mean, like, where two people each start eating a Pocky stick from opposite ends? I mean, like, people in a relationship…” “I have here some Pocky I received from a real live human being.” He thrust a red snack box in my face. It was just normal Pocky. “Who?” “A friend from my club. He said we should play the Pocky Game, but I said no way. I thought it was kind of gross.” “Huh,” I said again. Tough life. I was used to Niibashi’s little bouts of pride (he claimed he got the Pocky because he was “cute”), but I could understand where he might see it as loaded. An invitation like that from a regular friend, not a romantic interest, would make anyone think twice. “Anyway, forget about that,” Niibashi said. “I’m giving this to you.” “What? I mean, I’m happy to eat it, but…why?” I took the box from him and stared at it, confused. Maybe it still gave him the heebie-jeebies, and that was why he didn’t want it. Niibashi sighed and looked annoyed again. “I was thinking you could share it with Hirano back at the dorm.” “Uh, sure. Thanks,” I said as I picked up my bag. I was curious what Niibashi had in mind, but I’d have to think about it later—there wasn’t much time left before practice. I said good-bye and headed for the locker room. I had changed into my practice uniform when I overheard some of the upperclassmen talking. They’d been playing the Pocky Game and had gotten a little too crazy, leading to one of the teachers confiscating their snacks. Oh… Niibashi said I should share the Pocky with Hirano. Maybe he meant we should play the Pocky Game? I wasn’t sure about that. I had a feeling that if I suggested playing the Pocky Game, Hirano would give me a befuddled “Huh?” Or if I was really lucky, maybe he would just say, “No way.” Yeah, doesn’t seem like his kind of thing. But enough fantasies. Once I got to the gym, there was no time to think about anything else. I pulled on my basketball shoes and hustled to join the team. The November days were short, the early twilight making them seem even chillier than they actually were. My breath didn’t fog as I walked along, but working up a sweat made the cold more acute. I picked up my pace, hurrying down the road from the station. I was almost to the dorm. Passing by a convenience store, I thought of the Pocky again. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do “couple-ish” things with Hirano, but I didn’t want to do them if he didn’t want to as well. If we weren’t both having fun, how was I supposed to enjoy myself? What about my family? I wondered. My mom and dad seemed like they would play the Pocky Game, laughing at it all the while. I knew they’d always had a lot of fun together, so just the thought warmed my heart. I could practically see my parents, intrigued by this game they’d probably never heard of, and I couldn’t help smiling. Why did the idea give me the warm fuzzies? Maybe I was feeling a little homesick. It’s so great to be able to horse around with someone you care about, I thought, hoping I might be able to be like that with Hirano someday. Thinking about it made the walk through the deepening night pleasant. I refused to be depressed if we never made it there. I could all too easily imagine myself getting scared off. Besides, Hirano and I didn’t exactly feel like “family” yet. “Huh?” I had just reached the residential area when I saw a familiar figure ahead and broke into a jog. The golden hair. The uniform. The way they walked… “Hirano!” I called. He turned as I caught up. “Oh, Kagi,” he said, his expression softening. “Long day, Hirano? Did you have another committee meeting?” “Yeah. No longer than your day, though. You look like you’re in a good mood. What’s up?” “Oh, uh, do I?” Hirano, for his part, looked wiped. It was unusual for the Disciplinary Committee to go so late. There must have been a lot of work to do. I’d been surprised, when I got to high school, to discover that the committee was run as a club. Our school thought of it as another way for students to practice having autonomy. By their second year, the members of the Disciplinary Committee were ready to handle the real work, so a lot of jobs fell to them. It was more than you could handle if you were trying to play on a sports team at the same time—which made Hanzawa, who not only was the vice chairman of the Disciplinary Committee but also was in the Ping-Pong Club and even our dorm leader, seem superhuman. “You’re grinning,” Hirano observed. “Uh-huh. Guess what. A friend gave me some Pocky today.” “Nice.” “Wanna try the Pocky Game?” “Huh? No way.” Nailed it. He clearly wasn’t interested. I hadn’t expected anything else, but it still sent a stab of disappointment through me. When had I started to mistake a willingness to play the Pocky Game for a real measure of intimacy? “Didn’t think so!” I said. “What’s gotten into you, Kagi?” Hirano gave me a concerned look. I guess I really did seem a little wild tonight. Behind his intimidating speech, Hirano was sensitive and protective. He was obviously trying to figure out if there was anything going on with me that he could help with. It wasn’t that big a deal. I gave him the short version: “A friend gave it to me as a joke and said I should try the game. Actually, I’m pretty surprised you know about it, Hirano.” I tried to act nonchalant. He responded in kind with a half nod. “Oh, I know about it, all right. I learned about it ’cause half the class seemed to be going loony about it today. It’s like a game of chicken with a Pocky stick…” It was obvious from his tone that things had gotten a little out of hand. I could easily imagine a classroom full of guys yukking it up over the Pocky Game. “Sounds like things got pretty rowdy for you. I wonder if my class will change at all when we’re in our second year,” I said. It felt like we had started to come together as a class when we did our thing for the cultural fest, but I didn’t think we got as worked up about anything as Hirano’s class did about that Pocky. I was in the regular class, not the advanced course, and a lot of us were involved in sports or the arts or something. Plenty of people with special talents. By the same token, though, it tended to mean we all wanted different things, and we lacked something unifying. There was only one room for the regular class, so we could expect to spend all three years of high school together. “I don’t think you have to try to change that,” Hirano said. As much trouble as it could be for him sometimes, he seemed to like the class he was in. “Huh,” I said mildly as we got to our room. I was just catching glimpses of Hirano’s affection, which could be hard to grasp. I desperately wanted a better look. But I felt childish wanting that. I definitely wasn’t going to say it out loud. “Man, I’ve got so much homework,” I groaned. Hirano had headed straight to his desk when we got in the room, and, following his lead, I’d spread my worksheets out on my own desk. If I got started on my homework now, there would be time to ask Hirano for help if I had any trouble. I felt pathetic feeling like I was cornered by the stuff we’d done in class that same day, but the fact was I was getting left behind in several subjects. Rather than pretend it wasn’t happening, Hirano had strongly suggested I face it head-on and ask for help with anything I couldn’t do myself. Wait… Why isn’t this making any sense? These were supposed to be review sheets. You’d think I could do a little better. I’d tried my hardest, but I was left with a number of blank spaces that made me want to tear out my hair. I remembered what Hirano had told me: “Don’t expect to learn it all the first time you ask about it. It’s totally normal to need to go over it more than once.” The point was not to give up, to not let myself be pulled along by the seductive but ultimately futile path of slacking off. Even if I did find myself at my desk a lot more than I had in middle school. Basics. These are basics? I looked from my notebook to the worksheets and back, grinding my teeth with the frustration of floundering like this. I searched through my notes for the parts about the problems I couldn’t answer. I even opened the textbook and reread the appropriate sections. Then, not exactly full of confidence, I filled in what I could. Hey, I think I might be able to handle what we did today. We’d just started a new unit, so the problems mostly looked like what we’d done in class. Slowly, they started to make sense to me. Yes, they were basic, but as I worked on them, I found a new way of looking at them. Once I understood what was going on, I could apply that theory, at least a bit. Hirano was the whole reason I was able to get into this task that demanded so much time and dedication. The pleasure of studying, you might call it. I’d already been stumbling in some subjects even in middle school, but he took to teaching me with a passion. I wanted to rise to the kindness he’d shown me. Even if I still wasn’t the best at studying and didn’t see myself falling in love with it. “There!” I finished the homework—just about flawless, I thought. I opened the box of Pocky. Hirano was still at his desk, so I decided to relax but quietly. Y’know, it’s been a while since I’ve had Pocky, I thought, chewing contemplatively. Junk food like this was never enough to quiet my rumbling stomach after basketball practice, so when I bought myself a snack, it was usually a rice ball or something closer to a light meal. I also drank sports drinks and protein shakes, and mostly I tried to avoid candy—but there were times when I couldn’t overcome the temptation. “Hey, it’s almost dinnertime,” Hirano said. He had turned to me, alerted by the crack of the Pocky stick. “I’m just takin’ a break. Got tired from using my brain. Don’t worry, I’ll eat everything at dinner.” “Including the peppers?” He had me there. That one hurt. Hirano had saved me from green peppers more than once already. “Hirano, you’re so mean…” I knew objectively that you weren’t supposed to be picky when it came to food, but my repulsion for green peppers was like an involuntary reflex. They practically paralyzed me. Yeah, I know, it was childish. “Hah!” Hirano laughed and stood, coming over to me. I was still chewing, nom nom. I had a front-row seat as Hirano smiled mischievously—proof that he was in a good mood. I gave him a questioning grunt. My mouth was too full of Pocky to ask what he was thinking. Instead of saying anything, he grabbed the Pocky sticking out of my mouth and pinched a piece off. In the process, the tip of his pointer finger touched my upper lip. My eyes went wide and I made a sound somewhere between Um, Er, and Ah. I almost couldn’t believe my eyes as Hirano popped the piece of Pocky into his mouth. “Now we’re partners in crime. I’m gonna need your help if I can’t finish my dinner,” he said, smirking at me as I sat there frozen. Then he made to leave the room like nothing had happened. “Wha? Hirano… Wha?!” “Bathroom break,” he said. Not what I was asking! My head was swimming with the sensation of his fingertip brushing my lip and the image of him tossing that last bit of Pocky into his mouth. I all but collapsed onto my bed. “Not fair, not fair, not fair, not fair, not fair at all!” I fumed. What he’d done seemed way beyond even the Pocky Game. I wasn’t just imagining it, was I? Part of what had me worked up was that Hirano didn’t seem to mean anything by it! Still…if anyone’s going to get me riled up, I hope it’ll always be him. I felt my heart pounding from happiness. It almost seemed like a waste to keep this feeling to myself. When Hirano got back, I would tell him thank you. He’d played the Pocky Game with me, in his own way and at his own distance. It had startled me, sure, but it was great. Maybe I should tell him I wanted to do it again. Although I had a feeling he’d only yell at me for eating too much Pocky.