Plate 6:
Haruka
Scene 1
IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY. Yesterday evening, to be precise.
“Glad our zombie this time is a tough one.” Reo and Mabu zoomed through the air on an underground elevator. Reo seemed to be in a good mood as he fiddled with the photograph in his hand. Nioino was still visible in the picture.
“Indeed. I can finally leave the station,” said Mabu.
Reo’s expression soured. “What? Maintenance? Again?”
“Yes. It’s a matter of life or death for me.” Mabu’s tone remained entirely even, either unaware of or ignoring the sudden shift in Reo’s mood.
“Pfft, yeah, I wonder about that! You sure you’re not just hooked on it because it feels good?” As Reo flung words dripping with sarcasm at his partner, the elevator arrived at its destination—the inside of their police box.
Mabu immediately headed for the door. “Absurd. What benefit would there be in prioritizing my personal feelings?” He turned and disappeared into the darkness of the night.
Once his partner was gone, Reo slammed his fist against the wall. “As if you could ever understand even an ounce of what I’m feeling!”
Scene 2
“GOOD MORNING! ✩ Every day is happy! And with your lucky selfie, you’ll have even more happiness on your plate! It’s me, Azuma Sara, dish! ✩”
The living room filled with the sound of Sara’s voice as her Asakusa Sara TV segment began, but their morning routine lacked its normal liveliness. Haruka never ventured over to the breakfast table, but silently watched the television, instead.
His father looked on and asked, “Have you heard anything from Kazuki?”
Haruka’s mother shook her head, holding a coffee cup in either hand. “Not since I got a message last night that he’s staying over at Enta-kun’s house.”
“All right.” There was a brief pause before he continued, “Now that I think about it, she does kind of resemble him.” His eyes were turned toward the screen, where Sara was dancing.
“Yes. Maybe that’s why Haruka became such a big fan.”
“Now then, what will today’s lucky selfie item be?” droned Sara’s voice in the background.
Neither of Haruka’s parents could see the expression on the boy’s face.
“Oh dear, what’s this?” Sara sounded confused. “It looks like today’s item is a sachet too, dish.”
A headdress decorated with ribbons rested in Haruka’s lap. Yesterday, after Kazuki took off running, the real Sara had picked it up and handed it to him. There she’d been, the idol he adored so much, right before his eyes…and he’d barely noticed. He just murmured, “Thanks.” Sara offered him a gentle nod in return.
“Okay then, have a wonderful day, and may you have lots of luck dished your way! ✩” said the Sara on the television.
“Kazu-chan…”
Krunch, krunch, krunch, krunch, krunch, krunch…
Toi and Enta were standing in the Kappa Plaza, still in their kappa forms, and utterly speechless at what they were witnessing. Before their eyes, Kappa-Kazuki was binge eating a literal mountain of cucumbers.
“Cucumbers are delicious! They taste even better now than when I was human!” Kazuki continued to be in unusually high spirits.
Toi gave him a look of pity. “He’s lost it.”
“It’s a Kappa High, ribbit,” Keppi explained. “A euphoria that occurs when someone remains a kappa for a prolonged period of time, ribbit.” He was equally at a loss for what to do.
In the meantime, Kazuki continued to munch away at his cucumbers. “Being a kappa rules!”
Du-dun, dun, dun, dun…
“To the eeeast, Kazuki no Umi. To the weeest, Enta Yama!” Keppi’s high voice rang through the air, mimicking the referee’s style of speech from sumo matches. In the center of the plaza appeared a wrestling ring, joined by the delightful, rhythmic sound of taiko drums. “Eyes on your opponent!”
Kappa-Enta lifted his knee up high and stomped down, his hair tied up in a topknot. “Uh, does sumo have anything to do with our current predicament?”
In front of him, Kappa-Kazuki braced himself for the match, sporting a similar hairstyle. “It has absolutely everything to do with it!”
“Still safe, still safe, still safe~!”
The two grappled with each other, kappa-letely evenly matched and struggling for the upper hand. Sweat slowly beaded on their skin. The droplets made quiet plip, plip sounds as they sprinkled across the ground.
Ah, ahh! Kazuki’s skin is rubbing up against mine… Enta’s expression suggested he was in the throes of ecstasy. In contrast, Kazuki looked entirely serious about their match.
“Show me what you’re made of, Enta.”
“K-Kazuki…!”
Plip, plip, plip. Their skin grew even more slippery.
“I-I can’t…take it any—”
“That’s pathetic, Enta! We’re the Golden Duo, aren’t we?!” Kappa-Kazuki pressed his knee hard against Enta’s crotch.
“Aaaaaaah~!”
Kappa-Enta went soaring through the air, landing outside the ring. When he hit the ground, Enta realized that this must have been another one of his delusions.
“Enta!”
But for some reason, it didn’t just end there as it usually did.
“Are you okay? You aren’t hurt?” Kazuki looked handsome and suave as he reached out for Enta.
“Huh? Wait, is this a delusion too…?”
Keppi offered him a pack of gum with only a single stick of gum left. Pa-chink! When Enta grabbed the gum, a trap attached to it came swinging down, pinching his finger.
“Ouch! It’s not a delusion!”
Keppi, still dressed in his sumo referee outfit, gave a quiet nod.
“Being a kappa rules!” Kappa-Enta and Kappa-Kazuki shouted in unison.
“Ribbit!”
Behind the three, who had thrown their arms around one another’s shoulders, Kappa-Toi was busily sweeping up the sumo ring.
“Time for our next piece of news, dish! ✩ The police reported that an investigation is ongoing regarding the fragrance bag theft that began yesterday. They currently believe the crime is a large-scale operation.” The nightly news was playing on a large monitor hanging on the front of the Asakusa Culture and Tourism Information Center.
Kappa-Toi looked up to watch and mumbled to himself, “Have any of the incidents before made it on the news the day after?”
“Come to think of it, no, they haven’t—ack, no!” Kappa-Enta replied on impulse, but then immediately forced his mouth shut. The two had been at each other’s throats since this whole thing began. Their current ceasefire had only happened because they’d been turned into kappa and kept too busy to resume fighting. Granted, judging by Toi’s demeanor, he wasn’t the least bit concerned about the unresolved conflict.
Enta, however, wasn’t ready to bury the hatchet. “Hmph!”
Kappa-Toi just watched in exasperation as the other boy made an obvious show of giving him the cold shoulder.
“Oh hey! No one can see us in our kappa forms, which means we’ve basically got a free pass to Hanayashiki, right?”
It was just like Enta to suggest such a thing. The group made their way to the small playground with a multipurpose bathroom.
“Oh, there’s a soccer ball here!” Kappa-Enta exclaimed. He ran over to it and began playing.
“This place is…” Kappa-Toi’s voice trailed off as he realized where they were.
Kazuki smiled and replied, “Yeah, this is where I always came to change into my Sara costume. I mean, so hilariously stupid, right? Cross-dressing as an idol!”
“You put a lot of effort into it though,” said Toi.
“Enough, it’s over. Anyway, let’s just have fun! Being a kappa rules!”
Toi watched him go with a sigh. It was obvious that Kazuki was just putting on a brave face.
Kappa-Enta continued dribbling the soccer ball, all the while piecing together a magnificent plan in his mind. Although it was true Kazuki was putting on a façade, he was still full of energy today. Which means that maybe if I play it smooth, I can pass him the ball…
“Heey! Enta!”
He glanced back to see Kappa-Kazuki racing toward him. “Pass it to me!”
“Really? I thought you said soccer didn’t have anything to do with you anymore.”
“It absolutely does have something to do with me! Let the Golden Duo be reborn!”
Enta had been waiting to hear those exact words, so he didn’t hesitate. “Okay, Kazuki, I’m passing the ball!” He aimed and sent the ball soaring high up through the air.
Kappa-Kazuki leaped up with it, performing an overhead kick. “Enta! Here it is, straight to your heart! Miracle ✩ Shoot!” In the next instant, Kazuki’s powerful kick sent the ball whizzing through the air like a bullet, slamming straight into Enta’s stomach.
“Guuuuh…!”
The ball’s trajectory remained unchanged as it soared onward, sinking into the net of the goalpost. Toi, acting as the goalkeeper, wrinkled his face in frustration.
“Nice shot!!” Even as he spat blood, Kappa-Enta savored his moment of happiness. But… Ah, no way. There’s just no way. This delusion is just too much.
With an effort, Enta brought himself back to reality—just as the real Kappa-Kazuki called over to him.
“Hey, Enta!”
“Okay, this is my chance to casually… Kazuki, here, pass!” Enta sent the ball flying forward with a smack, but Kazuki only stood there and let it roll uselessly past him.
“Sorry, I actually have to use the bathroom.”
The ball rebounded off the wall and slowly rolled back toward Enta, whose shoulders sank in disappointment. “I should’ve known it was hopeless.”