Though more vulnerable groups such as women and children could freely wander the festival at night, I was uneasy about the emperor’s safety. I had my guard up, and when the emperor noticed the tension in my shoulders, he chuckled. “Don’t worry. If something happens, I’ll protect you.”
“No, as your subject, it is my duty to protect you.”
She pouted. “Ugh, I’ve had enough of this form. I want to hang out with you as a man.”
“In my opinion, you are equally beautiful no matter what your gender is, Your Majesty.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about… Ah, that reminds me.” The emperor collected himself and changed the topic. “You wanted a hair accessory, right?”
Ah. I did say something like that before the festival. I glanced around us; all the young women wore charming floral hairpins. Single women apparently donned the accessories to indicate that they were searching for potential partners.
I hesitated. “Um… I think such adornments are too early for me.”
“Really? Your hair has gotten a lot longer though. You’ll probably be able to tie it up soon.”
“Oh, the length is not what I am worried about. I just… At the moment, I would prefer…” My mouth was moving faster than I could think, and I realized what I was about to blurt out. Instantly, I covered my mouth with my hand.
“What’s wrong?” The emperor studied my face.
I felt as if the heavens were crashing down on me. I couldn’t believe the outrageous words that had nearly made it past my lips. Frantically, I shook my head at his question.
She shrugged. “Well, I suppose there’s no point giving you something that you don’t need… Oh, how about earrings then?”
“Earrings?”
“Yeah. There’s a stall over there. Let’s take a look.” In the middle of her sentence, she started to walk forward at a brisk pace.
“Ah, please wait…!”
The emperor stilled in front of a booth illuminated by vibrant lanterns. She appraised the wares and said, “I see, this shop makes accessories with thread and cloth left over from divine rituals. I’ve heard of the craftsman as well. Let’s shop here.”
“Um! Y-You really do not have to! You have already arranged all my daily necessities, so it would be a waste to buy something new.”
She turned around with a small smile. Even as a woman, the emperor’s charm was lethal, and the surrounds seemed to fade away before her beauty.
“This is a gift to thank you for your efforts during the festival,” she said. “You must have been nervous whenever you had to interact with the Centorian guests.”
I was speechless.
“I couldn’t stay by your side during the festival, but…I saw how hard you worked, Sai.”
“Your M— Lady Haruiro…”
“Come over. Pick out something you fancy.”
Feeling the emperor’s warm gaze on me, my cheeks grew hot. To distract myself from my lightheadedness, I perused the exhibit of colorful accessories.
I chewed on my lip. “Something I fancy… I…” I had never thought about dressing myself up, so I didn’t really know what I liked. In the past, I used to wear a silk ribbon that my mother had selected for me, but it was no longer in my possession. Oh, actually… I recalled the color of the ribbon.
Slowly, I replied, “I would like something white.”
“White, got it. Can I choose it for you?”
“That would be great.” I nodded.
Upon my answer, she began to inspect one item after another, muttering, “This looks nice. Oh, but that one isn’t bad either.” Eventually, she settled on a pair of earrings with dangling mizuhiki ornaments. The shopkeeper’s face wrinkled into a large smile as he explained that the earrings were fashioned from remainder scraps of mizuhiki crafts that had been dedicated to the imperial court.
“How does this look?” inquired the emperor. “It’s not a flower, so it doesn’t count as an ‘I’m interested’ sign.”
“Thank you…”
After purchasing the earrings, the emperor led me away from the crowd and toward a shrine dedicated to a dragon god. In the alley beside it, she deposited the jewelry into my palms.
I stated my gratitude once again before promising, “I will cherish them and wear them when I can.”
She sighed. “Sorry. The gift for the great Wagtail Priestess is just a pair of normal earrings from a stall on the street.”
“Oh, not at all! They are beautiful, and quite light, so they will not pull too hard on my earlobes. More than anything…they are a gift from you. Nothing makes me happier.”
A faint smile flashed on her lips, and she stared into my eyes. “Hey, Sai.” Her voice was solemn.
“Yes?”
“Did meeting the people from Centoria make you miss that country?”
“I, well…”
“I’m thankful that you are adapting so well in Orient as the Wagtail Priestess. But…if you ever think that no, your heart belongs to Centoria, I…”
I shook my head. “Thank you for your kindness, but…” Seeing her earnest gaze, I disclosed my thoughts without restraint. “The queen was very compassionate, and the other guests were amicable toward me as well, making sure to greet me with smiles at all times. It is hard to believe that they are willing to take such an attitude toward a woman who was nearly executed on false charges.”
She was silent, waiting for me to continue.
I placed a hand over my chest. “But my place is by your side. You trusted in my innocence and risked your life and honor to save me. I want to use my second chance at life for your sake. I still feel this way.”
As I stitched my sentiments together, I carefully filtered out one aspect of my true feelings and swallowed the words I had almost blurted out earlier. I wondered whether I had managed to maintain an honest, sincere expression in front of the emperor. Like a thief under scrutiny, I wondered whether I had successfully hidden the true reason for my racing heart.
“…Thank you, Sai.” She gave me a gentle smile as beautiful as the first blooms of spring, and in the back of my mind, I thought, Ah. I want to see this smile on her true face.
✦ ✦ ✦
🐦🐦🐦
WE regrouped with Lord Yukinari a short while afterward and left the festival grounds before the sun could fully set. Yet by the time I arrived at Sekirei Palace, daylight had lost its patience, and a dark night sky hung above the arch bridge. As though someone had plucked out the stars to decorate the scene, the hanging lanterns in the vicinity twinkled.
I bowed gratefully. “Thank you for taking care of me today, Lord Yukinari.”
“Allow me to express my gratitude as well. Though we invited you on short notice, you took time out of your day to indulge us.” He paused. “My spouse was also elated at the opportunity to see you once again. We will eventually invite you to another outing, I believe.”
“I will happily take you up on that offer.” I smiled.
Once we parted ways, I turned to see a maid waiting for me with a lantern in hand. I followed her, and the chilly evening breeze caressed my cheeks, sapping the lively warmth of the festival. But stuck to my body like tar was guilt over the outrageous words I had swallowed.
It would be utterly unbecoming of the Wagtail Priestess to make such a willful statement. To even think that—
“At the moment, I would prefer to have as few encounters as possible with other men of marriageable age.”
If I had finished my sentence back then… I shuddered at the implications. My duty was to marry a man in Orient and bear a successor. The emperor had to desire the same. Yet… In the heat of the moment, I had wanted to postpone the inevitable. Why am I acting like this? What am I thinking…?
I couldn’t work up any motivation to find a man to marry. I was scared—I didn’t want to investigate the reason behind that reluctance. I had the feeling that a forbidden desire was budding in my chest…a wish that someone of my position should not dare to even consider.
A chaotic mess of sensation attacked my mind and body: fatigue from the Centorians’ visit, the heat of the festival, my regrets… Conflicting thoughts and emotions used my heart as the rope in a game of tug of war.
I had trouble sleeping that night.