Chapter One Hundred Five: Molting
ON my first visit to the tea hall, lush new greens had cast a shadow upon the garden and pond, but that day, they were dyed a fiery crimson. The passing wind was chilly, and the soft carpet sunk pleasantly with every step. The proprietor of the establishment had lit the furnace, and the warmth was so gently effusive that it reached even the deepest parts of my body.
We enjoyed tea and sweets, a short, leisurely break. Then I chose to ask, “How are my parents doing right now?”
Lord Kuze was putting on several layers of coats he had borrowed from the owner—apparently, the tea hall was cold to a person from Meridiona. His amber eyes grew soft as he readily answered, “The doctor has trouble walking, but he still takes patients sitting down. As for Lady Sae… How should I put this? She’s one of the strongest people I know.” He stared down at his loosely clasped fingers and smiled. He must have been picturing them in his mind as he spoke. “Lady Sae’s so diligent; she works from morning to night. She manages an herb farm, does rounds in the clinic, makes medicine, and even deals with administrative tasks. After doing all that, once the sun sets, she promptly goes to bed saying that it’s better for her health.”
“I see that my mother is the same as always.” I flipped through my memories of her in my mind. For a time, recalling her had been excruciatingly painful, as if I were drowning on land, and I couldn’t bear to remember her face or anything about her. But as he described her, my recollection of her was suddenly as vivid as though I had only parted with her the day before. Her voice, the scent of medicine that always lingered on her, her silhouette, the pleasant ruffling of cloth whenever she rolled up her sleeves…
“Doctor Cutrettola’s more mild mannered and subdued than Lady Sae. But his nerves of steel could give her a run for her money. Even if the youngsters of our village barge in yelling at him, he doesn’t retreat at all. And you know what? The people who look down on him at first due to his demeanor always, without fail, bow to him in respect in the end.”
As a female governor, my mother had often been cursorily dismissed, yet my father had always stood beside her with a quiet smile. He was a doctor and the son of a noble household, and when people heard that he was going to marry into the provincial Cutrettola family and assume her surname, he became an object of ridicule in the Centorian aristocracy.
I had learned that only after separating from my parents. My father had chosen to trust in my mother’s strong will instead of the shallow comments of those around him and stubbornly worked by her side all his life. I was over the moon that they were treated with respect and care in Meridiona.
From across the table, the emperor watched my face with a faint smile. And now I also have gained someone who cares about me and supports me. I’m so fortunate.
“They are concerned about you as well, Sai, whom they left behind,” said Lord Kuze. “Their biggest wish is for their daughter to achieve happiness in her life.”
I cast my eyes down. “I am such a disgrace though. I caused the ruin of our home…”
“They said that your safety and happiness are more important than the family estate any day. They actually breathed a sigh of relief when they heard that you had left the Cutrettola lands.”
If that’s what they think… As a former governor who had lost her domain, I felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Abruptly, Lord Kuze lowered his voice. “Hey, Wagtail Priestess. You’re gonna be the emperor’s woman, right?” Lady Haruiro stilled, a stern look on her face. Lord Kuze glanced sidelong at her and grinned. “What’s wrong, miss?”
There was a pause before the emperor chuckled. “No, nothing at all.”
“If you say so. Okay then, Sai. What’s your answer?” His amber eyes drilled into mine.
I tipped the whole cup of tea into my mouth and downed it in one gulp. “Yes.” I paused. “I am going to be the emperor’s wife.”
“…I see.” He began to fidget with the lidded teacup next to his hand. As though choosing his words carefully, he slowly asked, “Do you know what that means for you?”
“Yes. I have heard everything from the emperor.”
I recalled the secret that the emperor had confessed to me that day.
“I…will likely die a few years after my heir molts.”
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Chapter One Hundred Six: A Shocking Revelation
WE had been snuggled up in the same blanket when the morning sun greeted us that day. In the emperor’s arms, I had listened to the inevitable fate of divine emperors of Orient.
The emperor was the incarnation of the deity Amawashi. And only one such god could exist at a time. I had known that Emperor Harunire had died a few years after Emperor Haruka became the crown prince. I learned that morning that his death had been preordained.
“There can only be one Amawashi. Only one person in the world is allowed to have these wings. That’s why, traditionally, the emperor and crown prince live together from the moment of the prince’s birth like a parent bird and chick. From the father the son inherits knowledge, customs, his destiny. But I lived with my father for only a very brief period.”
“The last few years you had with him must have been a meaningful and special experience for you.”
“Yeah…” He nodded meekly like a child.
I recalled the day he had bestowed the single earring upon me. He had led me to Nire Palace, where the previous emperor had lived the last years of his life after relinquishing his title. There he had told me his past. To him, Nire Palace must be very special indeed. I felt my heart swell at the fact that he had chosen such a place to restore my memories and pierce my ears.
His warm arms gathered me close to his chest, and he held me tight. “Sai. I’ll be a burden to you in many ways.”
I placed my ear against his chest and heard the steady beating of his heart. I closed my eyes, etching the moment into my very soul—a moment when he was still alive by my side.
Stroking my hair, he whispered, “If you become my empress, you will have to give birth to my child while you still can. Personally, I want to be alone in our own little world forever, but that’s unforgivable for someone of my status. In that case… Even if I’m being generous, I will have to leave you behind after thirty years.”
His eyes wavered, filled with sorrow as though he were leaving me right that second. He caressed my cheek and kissed it. He looked like he was on the brink of tears as he revealed, “Even worse, Orient is a nation of winter. I will soon have to fall asleep and use all my mana to protect this empire from the heavy snows, and I won’t wake until spring. This is the reason why we emperors all have the character ‘spring’ in our name. We dedicate our short lifespans to bring spring to our people. I…won’t be able to see you, talk to you, for a quarter of each year.”
“My lord…”
“So that remaining thirty years will feel even shorter than it sounds. The question is whether you will view it as long or brief.” He appeared even more heartbroken than I was. As if hugging me wasn’t enough, he shrouded me with his wings before pulling me closer. Our skin pressed against each other’s, and I felt as though I was going to melt in our combined heat. I closed my eyes again and wrapped my arms around him.
I felt pained, sad, anguished. Not because he was going to eventually leave me behind, but because Emperor Haruka, the lonely, endearing man, was devastated for my sake.
“Marrying me would mean giving up on your own heir,” he murmured, “and moreover, you might not get to see your mom again if you become empress. It’s a very long journey by ship. I…love you. That’s why I don’t want you to feel alone.”
“Your Majesty…”
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AS I recalled our conversation, I drank more tea in silence.
Lord Kuze let out a long sigh. His eyes were pained as he gazed at me. “Huh, you already know. I see…” He was turning out to be quite a compassionate man.
I glanced over at Lady Haruiro. With a slightly troubled expression, she shook her head and smiled as if to say, “That’s life.”
“In that case, it’s better to at least have all your family in one place for your wedding, right?” said Lord Kuze in a cheerful voice, perhaps attempting to clear the heavy atmosphere. “There’s also your younger sister’s wedding too.”
“Wha—” I gaped at him. Younger…sister?
“Yeah, your sister. Didn’t you know already? She’s called Sakura, daughter of Lady Sae and Doctor Cutrettola, second in the line of succession for the title of Wagtail Priestess.”