Chapter Eighty-Seven: I Want You to Recall What Happened
NIRE Palace, perched on a cliff overlooking the ocean, was where the previous emperor had spent the last years of his life. In size, it was approximately identical to Sekirei Palace. After passing through the guard-flanked gate, we were met with silence—there wasn’t another living soul in sight. Although the estate was well-maintained, it was a solitary place.
Beautiful perennials filled the garden; perhaps someone had planted them to mourn the late master of the palace. Balloon flowers were in full bloom, and the striking violet-blue petals pieced together an enchanting tapestry. A gardener was attending to the plants furtively as if to avoid drawing attention to himself. I silently nodded in greeting.
The emperor navigated the corridors without hesitation, and we soon stepped into the bedchamber in the innermost part of the palace. The room was a rather interesting shape, almost like that of a shrine or a temple, and pristine. It was also void of people.
Light filtered down from above, lending an ethereal glow to the emperor’s ivory hair. I looked up to find glass panels in the ceiling forming a skylight.
“I told them in advance that I was coming today, so it’s already clean. There aren’t any servants around.” As he spoke, he removed his coat then lay chest down on the bed. Spreading his wings wide, he flipped over to recline on his back.
The sound of the sea was so loud that I could have been walking along the coast. Between the rhythmical splashes howled powerful gusts of wind.
The emperor remained supine as he beckoned me with his hand. “Come over.”
“But…”
He chuckled lightly. “No one else’s around, and we’re always together in my bedchamber, remember?” Sitting up, he watched me with a spark of mischief in his eyes. “Or…do you think I’m going to do something to you?”
“By that, you mean…?”
“For example…”
My heart skipped a beat when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. I…didn’t expect that. My breath hitched—I couldn’t even put up a struggle as I fell face-down beside him on the fluffy bed. I landed with a muffled thud. “Your Majesty…!” I protested.
I turned and tried to rise, but the emperor trapped me beneath him as he placed his hands on either side of my face. He stared intently at me, and I couldn’t stop the smile worming onto my lips. I giggled.
His mouth pursed. “…Why’re you laughing?”
“I never knew you were such a prankster, Your Majesty.”
“An adult man is pushing you down on a bed, and that’s your first reaction?” His soft wings moved up and down in a gesture akin to a shrug. He rolled away and flopped down next to me. “Oh well, whatever. I think I got a little too excited.”
The emperor appeared to be admiring the ceiling. Following his example, I glanced up as well. “Ah… The ceiling is a work of art.”
Glass panels were embedded into its center, held in place by an intricate frame decorated with the raden technique. The thin inlaid layers of mother of pearl were dazzling, the craftsmanship meticulously detailed. On all four sides of the frame was artwork of what seemed to be divine beasts. For a moment, I thought them similar to the Four Symbols in the legends from my previous life, such as the Vermillion Bird or Black Tortoise, but after inspecting them, I realized they were all birds: Amawashi from the Myth of Beginning and the twelve priestess birds that had aided him.
I was still absolutely captivated by their artistry when I heard the emperor’s subdued voice from beside me. “Sai.”
“Yes.”
His eyes were still fixed on the ceiling, his expression the picture of peace. “By now you must have heard many things about the previous emperor—about Emperor Harunire, right?”
I hesitated. “I am not that knowledgeable about the topic, but…I have heard the basics, yes.”
He smiled. “If you want a general opinion of him, you can ask everyone you know and Raiya before making a final verdict. I’m sure that they’ll be a lot more talkative than I could ever be.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I’ll be honest, I’m not in a position to say much about my father’s reign. I lived with my mother’s family, the Kiriya clan, from the moment I was born. Even after I left, I was tucked away inside the embassy in Centoria so that our government wouldn’t drag me into the turmoil and cause things to spiral further out of control.”
“You must have had a hard time…”
“I felt lonely back then,” he admitted. “At first, I didn’t even know I was the crown prince—I thought I was Yukinari’s younger brother. Raiya was just an ordinary tutor, and…” He took a deep breath. “When I learned that my real parents were elsewhere and that my father was the foolish emperor scorned by the entire empire, I… It was tough.”
“Your Majesty…”
The emperor turned to me, his face close to mine. He almost looked like a lost child as he stared into my eyes. He reached toward me—then retracted his hand and instead lifted it to the ceiling.
“And learning that the teacher I respected and revered was called the ‘Wicked Fox’ outside the estate didn’t help at all. He was a patient and earnest man who imparted so much knowledge to us; it didn’t make sense to me. Even after he was banished from the imperial court, he still worked so hard for the empire’s future…” A sigh. “All the people I look up to are looked down on by everyone else.”
“Is that why you aim to be a wise emperor? So that you can repay your dear father and Lord Raiya?”
“Yeah. I can’t let people give me that label as well. By gaining the approval of everyone, I want to prove that the people precious to me were never mistaken.”
He sat up and gazed down at me with a small smile. His large wings cast a shadow on the bed as light spilled onto him from the ceiling. I couldn’t tear my eyes off him. I saw my reflection in his ash-blue eyes.
“It was all too sudden. I suddenly started sprouting wings that only an emperor is supposed to have, my brother was suddenly bowing to me like an attendant, and even my strict teacher stopped spanking me from that day on. The people I assumed were my parents weren’t my parents; my real parents were the Foolish Emperor and a woman under house arrest. The mentor that I admired so much was the Wicked Fox, and…”
The emperor rambled on and on. Alone in the palace where his father had passed away, far from the imperial court, we sat secluded by the sound of the waves. I listened as he peeled off every layer of his identity and bared them to me.
It was improper for me to know too much about the emperor’s vulnerability, his fragility, as a mere vassal. But…his every sentence is like a treasure to me.
“Then I realized that…” He swallowed. “The adults around me wanted me to be emperor in name only. They wanted a puppet deity to replace the current Amawashi. But I hadn’t even known I was the crown prince. When they told me to become the god in place of my “stupid” father, I didn’t understand a word at the time, and it was all quite painful and stressful.”
“That…is the normal reaction.”
In a way, I was similar to the emperor in the sense that I had inherited the title of Wagtail Priestess. But it had been entrusted to me by the woman who raised me, my beloved and wonderful mother, while the emperor had been abruptly told that everything was a lie, his family included, then forced to shoulder the responsibility for his “foolish” father. The weight of his wings was heavy—much heavier than I could ever imagine.
“Every day, my back felt like it was tearing in two. I didn’t have anyone to rely on; I was separated from the people of the Kiriya clan, whom I thought were my family… I was so lonely, so heartbroken that…I wanted someone to save me.”
I sat up. As he spoke, I almost had the delusion that the person before me was the young crown prince going through his darkest days. “Your Majesty…” I broke off and shook my head. “Emperor…Haruka.”
“Mm.”
“You worked really hard, Emperor Haruka.” My body moved before I could think, and suddenly I was hugging him tight.
His breathing faltered. Tentatively, his wings folded around me.
I pressed my forehead to his chest and whispered, “That must have been awful. I cannot even imagine the pain you went through… Yet in spite of all that, you have fulfilled your role splendidly as the emperor so far… You are a strong man, and I admire that part of you.”
“…Hey, do you know the reason I managed to stay standing despite all the things that tried to crush me?”
I looked up, and the emperor’s face was only inches away as he smiled down at me. His striking eyes of ashen blue were calm and kind—but also suffused with solitude. In that moment, they reminded me more of the desolate skies of barren winter. I had the delayed realization that his body completely enveloped mine, his wings sequestering me from the outside world.
“Sai,” he whispered. Solemnly, as though cradling a precious bird, his hands wrapped around mine. “When the crown prince grows his wings, he is an utterly unseemly sight. Every day, he groans in pain. Worse, he screams and writhes around on the ground as if he’s gone mad. And of course, we can’t let other humans see a god in that state, right?”
“Ah, yes, that would be the natural conclusion…”
“That’s why there’s a rule—we have to erase the memories of all those who witness us during molting.” The emperor gazed into my eyes. I could see my widened eyes in his. When Lord Hiaki’s face had been so near to mine, I had felt scared, panicked. Yet I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the emperor.
“How did you lose your memories of our encounter, you’ve asked. It’s because I cast that spell on you. I erased your memories so that you wouldn’t remember my most pathetic moments.”
He leaned down, and his face got closer, closer… His eyes were half-lidded, his long lashes hiding the emotions swirling inside them. A slight turn of his head, and I caught a whiff of his sweet fragrance. Warmth approached the part of my cheek adjacent to my lips.
“Ah…”
My mind went blank.