Chapter 4: You and Me and…
“EVEN though Oriana doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, she’ll still smile at me.”
“What’s the matter with you, Vincent? I’d expect that kinda line from Lucian Cortes, but not you.”
“That’s humiliating…” Vincent mumbled as he slumped against the window frame. If Lucian could hear their exchange, he’d probably cry and blow up in a rage.
The moon was a tiny sliver in the sky outside, periodically dancing in and out of a thin veil of clouds as it peered in through their bedroom window. Vincent had drawn his chair over to the windowsill, so he could peer out. Miguel, meanwhile, was already sprawled out in bed.
“Why do girls smile at guys in the first place if they don’t have feelings for them?” Miguel grumbled.
Out of consideration, he’d swapped places with Oriana so Vincent could spend some time with her. Then, while Vincent and Oriana were on their way back to the dorms, she had started sniffing the sweat-soaked towel he had lent her, promptly flashing a smile at him afterward. He couldn’t get the sight of it out of his mind.
“Does it bother you?” Miguel asked.
“Of course not!” Vincent said without missing a beat. He rested his elbows on the windowsill and covered his face with his hands. “But no matter how cute she is, I can’t hold her hand.”
Because, as I said, she doesn’t have those kinds of feelings for me anymore. Growing more and more depressed by his own inner monologue, Vincent clenched his fingers around the window frame, his arm trembling.
“Enough,” Miguel’s exasperated voice echoed from the bed. “Messing around like this will only hurt you more.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Vincent was happy being able to speak to her again.
But I’m simply not accustomed to this version of her that doesn’t already adore me.
It wasn’t as though he wanted her to flock to him and throw herself on him the moment she saw him. Of course, he would be delighted if that were the case, but he wasn’t even hoping for that much. Though it bothered him how formally she spoke to him, it was nothing he couldn’t handle.
In their previous timeline, he had never once felt nervous speaking to her. Nor was he ever afraid she might not listen to what he had to say. She made it a point to show how accepting she was of him from the moment they met. No matter what he spoke to her about, the thought that she might hate him or be agitated by something he said had never even crossed his mind before.
“Of all things, I never dreamed I’d want so desperately to be close to a girl.”
Even if he searched the whole world, Vincent was quite sure that Oriana was the only person who could awaken him to this side of himself.
“I mean, isn’t she a little too intimate with the rest of Class 2? No one could really complain if their parents moved along with a marriage arrangement between any of them.”
“That’s just how commoners are,” Miguel said dismissively.
“But Cortes in particular is far too close to Oriana. He touches her without a second thought. Ferrer presents his own issues—he’s far too handsome. Oriana has a soft spot for beautiful men like him…”
“Vincent, you really have become a hot mess.”
Oriana had been kind enough to introduce her friends, to give him a place inside the world in which she lived. But even so, that was all it was. If Vincent disappeared tomorrow, she might be surprised, but she wasn’t attached enough that she’d mourn, sob, and scream for him.
That’s why I was so surprised that my words spurred her to action—that she said she would try to put in more effort.
“But I do think I could stand to put a little more effort in.” Oriana had casually slipped those words into the conversation as they were returning home from their fieldwork. To her, there was probably no particularly deep meaning to it, but Vincent’s entire being was shaken; he didn’t think he exerted enough influence over her to trigger such change.
Every time I see you surrounded by Class 2 and enjoying yourself, it makes me realize how much you sacrificed trying to protect me.
Oriana hadn’t possessed any such friends in their previous timeline. In order to stay by his side and protect him, she had cut them off. If she hadn’t been desperate enough to make that choice, she probably couldn’t have maintained her position in the Special Class.
Which is why it’s my turn to look out for you and those around you. I want to protect everything you hold dear. I mean that, truly, but according to Miguel, I’m too close-minded and a “hot mess” besides, so I can’t help wanting to rush things. Ridiculous as it is, I can’t stop myself from being jealous—wanting you to think about me for even a second or a minute more than you do them.
“Well, you have a long time yet to go. Why not take it slow?” Miguel suggested.
Vincent wasn’t sure whether the time he had left really was long or not, but he nodded nonetheless.
Getting impatient isn’t going to get me anywhere.
Logically, he knew that, but love was anything but logical.