❦❦❦
SINCE it was nearly mealtime, Vincent and Oriana moved to the cafeteria. As they walked through the crowded corridors, the conversation somehow turned to romance.
“Romance doesn’t mean squat to me. I just want to find a decent guy,” said Edda.
“See?” Constance grumbled. “You’re always looking down your nose at love!”
“Yeah, well, I’m not as tall or well-endowed as you.”
“Well, if being tall and having big breasts is such a bonus, why hasn’t it landed me a good guy yet?” Constance asked forlornly, her shoulders slumping.
The girl had a slender build and perfect posture, adding to the whole regal female knight vibe she gave off. If only she could shut that passionate mouth of hers, she would probably have a number of admirers hanging around her by now.
“What about you, Heidemarie? Do you have a crush on anyone?” Oriana asked.
Strangely, Heidemarie had kept her silence through the whole exchange, and now that the conversation had turned to her, she was acting cagey, mumbling, “Well, sort of.”
“Huh?!” Constance gasped. “S-So there actually is someone?!”
Edda narrowed her eyes. “What does ‘sort of’ even mean? Is there more than one guy? Or is there just one, and you’re not that into him?”
The two girls wasted no time jumping on their friend for more information.
“Who’d have thought, Heidemarie.” Lucian smirked at her. “You’d better not say it’s me.”
She shot him a cold look. “Why is it that whenever a virgin hears that an acquaintance has a crush, they immediately fantasize that it must be them?”
“Maybe it’s because they’re a pitiful species?”
“Hey, hold it, why are you calling me an acquaintance? We’re friends, aren’t we?! Or are you saying we’re not even that?!”
Vincent watched the noisy exchange from behind as they navigated the halls. He made no proactive attempts to join the conversation, but he enjoyed watching their cheerful banter—or more to the point, enjoyed watching Oriana.
“I guess Heidemarie really is more mature than the rest of us,” Oriana mumbled to herself from beside Vincent. “I wonder what the difference is between romantic affection and the kind you feel for friends.”
She glanced up at him innocently, hoping for him to be as equally puzzled as her. Alas, Vincent couldn’t nod along. He could hide his feelings for her, but he disliked the idea of pretending they didn’t exist at all.
“Huh? Vincent, don’t tell me—” Oriana slapped a hand over her mouth, cutting herself off. Perhaps she thought the question too personal.
If I admitted I have someone I like, I wonder what she’d feel. Would she panic? Or would she shrug it off and keep her distance, thinking she doesn’t have a chance? The latter was definitely not something he wanted, but lying wasn’t an option. Not that it mattered; she felt nothing for him right now, so whatever he said, she’d probably soon forget it anyway.
Vincent pressed a finger to his lips, smiling faintly. “Keep it a secret for me, won’t you?”
“Yes, of course.” Oriana nodded eagerly.
While the others ahead of them continued their raucous banter, Oriana went silent for a while. Just as Vincent was beginning to regret having said anything at all, she leaned in closer to him and said, “I’m sorry.”
“Huh?” Vincent froze.
Don’t tell me she’s realized I have feelings for her? And this is her way of turning me down before I even say anything directly?
Vincent’s mind blanked as despair set in, but Oriana continued to whisper, “I felt betrayed for a moment there, even though you hadn’t done anything wrong. I just figured that since you said you wanted to be friends with someone like me that we were probably alike—that you didn’t know anything about romance either. Oh, I can’t believe how rude that was of me…”
“Oh, not at all. I don’t mind. Don’t worry.”
She had me panicking. Vincent wanted to crouch right there in the middle of the hallway and take a breather because he was so relieved to know his fears were unfounded. So she isn’t turning me down, and at least right now, she doesn’t have feelings for anyone else.
That meant she didn’t see Vincent that way either, but at least for now, he could accept that.
“Won’t you tell me who she is?” Oriana asked.
“Eventually.” Vincent smiled at her, praying the day would come quickly that he could be honest with her about his feelings.
“Can you tell me what she’s like?”
✦ ✦ ✦
Unable to resist the way her eyes sparkled at him, Vincent lowered his voice and said, “She’s extremely cute.”
“Yeah, I bet. What else, huh? What else?”
“We’re the same age,” he continued.
“Right, okay.” Oriana nodded.
“…and she’s cute.”
“Whaaat? Are you telling me the Vincent Tanzine has no other words with which to describe the girl he likes other than that she’s cute?”
Say what you like, but I’m trying my best here.
It was hard enough that he was telling the girl herself what he thought about her. How did he get himself into this situation? He was chagrined, but more than that, he was utterly embarrassed.
“There’s nothing else?”
Although her innocent question irritated him, those feelings were trumped by his eagerness to sate her curiosity. I want to satisfy her inquisitive mind. I want to be the one who puts a smile on her face, he thought. Vincent was so happy she was showing an active interest in him that he resigned himself and started searching his brain for the right words.
“Well, I…” he hesitated.
“Go on.”
“Ever since I was born, I’ve never given myself much thought.”
“Right.”
“My name, my grades, my whole future was decided for me beforehand, so I had just been frantically trying to follow the course laid out in front of me. I thought that was all I needed to do.”
“Okay.”
“And then I met her…”
“Mm-hm.”
“And that had to be the first time I ever did something of my own volition. Not one thing—I did a bunch of meaningless things that hadn’t been predetermined for me.”
“And?”
“I became a different person, but I didn’t hate the change it caused in me. It was like this big piece inside of me that had been missing for so long had suddenly been filled, and that’s how I realized: she’s the only person that can make me whole.” Vincent fell silent after that, well aware of how many embarrassing statements he’d just made. He pretended not to notice the heat gathering in his cheeks as he peeked at Oriana. “Does that answer…satisfy your question?”
“Yes. It more than satisfied it.” Her eyes were no longer bursting with curiosity as they had been earlier. Instead, they were full of wonder, as if she’d just spent time gazing into something so vast and unknown, like the sky or the ocean. “You’re not going to tell her how you feel?”
“It’s complicated. The two of us were separated, so now I’m not sure how to maintain the appropriate distance between us.”
Oriana nodded to herself. “That makes sense. It does sound like there’s a lot to it. But one thing I did realize is just how deeply you care about her.”
“Yeah.”
That was one thing he could say with confidence.
You’re endearing no matter what form you come in, whether it’s the girl who chased me around all the time in my previous life or the one who stands beside me now, listening to everything I have to say.
Oriana glanced up, her eyes narrowed from the brightness of the lights. Vincent kept his gaze glued to her, inwardly praying. I’ll say the word “Yeah” for you as many times as you like, so please, just one more time…fall for me again.
Noticing his gaze was fixed on her, Oriana drew her brows together in confusion.
I suppose it’d be unnatural if I continued staring at her any more than I already have. Heartbroken, he peeled his eyes away from her. He couldn’t help feeling vexed at how things were—that he couldn’t watch her as much as he pleased, that they no longer had that intimate air enveloping them.
Apparently more comfortable now that he’d averted his gaze, Oriana smiled again and said, “When I find someone I like, I’ll be sure to tell you.”
I can only hope that person is me.
There was no way he could say as much, so instead, he forced the edges of his lips to curl. “Because we’re friends?”
“That’s right. Because we’re friends.”
“Can I be the first person you tell?”
“Sure. I’ll run straight to you.”
In that case, I’ll just have to be satisfied with the way things are for now.
While the others ahead of them continued noisily chirping away, Vincent kept pace with Oriana, smiling to himself.