I no longer had the right to join her resistance, to stand beside her.
And yet…
“…Kurumi.”
I stopped short, my hand on the door to the broadcast booth.
This had happened before. It felt just like the time I’d left Kurumi crying in the clubroom, and I didn’t like that at all.
If I left now, I’d be going straight back into that nightmare, where everyone simply accepted what they were taught and their assigned place in life. I’d be filled with regret all over again.
I didn’t want that. I couldn’t bear to be on my own in this sickening hellhole.
Before I knew it, I’d turned around and started desperately stringing words together.
“You’re just as weak as I am, Kurumi.”
“…What? How so?”
“Why’d you leave your notebook next to me while I was sleeping?”
Kurumi’s shoulders quivered.
“Didn’t you want me to go back to being a normal high school student with Tanaka if I failed your test? If that was true, you’d have no reason to leave me any notes. You wouldn’t need me to find out about any of this. So why’d you show me your hand?”
“…Well…”
“Why didn’t you just let me keep believing Tanaka was some nice girl who approached me at random? Why leave the notebook? Why force me to face the truth?”
That’s right. There’s no upside to her revealing her scheme to me. This doesn’t make anyone happy.
If she wanted to cut me loose, then she should have just let me be.
“Or is this reveal your revenge against me?”
My words were absorbed into the cold walls of the booth. The silence was so complete, I could hear every breath. A solid ten seconds passed.
“…Yeah, that’s right. This is payback,” Kurumi said.
Her head shot up, and her eyes were like daggers. Fury radiated from beneath the brim of her hat, but it was mingled with tears.
“Natsume, you read my Notes on Revenge, right? Then you’ve got a pretty good idea how I felt about things. You don’t have to twist the knife.”
“……”
We glared at each other for a long moment. Then, at last, she surrendered.
“Fine, I’ll share the rest. I couldn’t bring myself to trust you, so I sicced Tanaka on you to test your resolve. But along the way…I lost control of my emotions. I really didn’t want you to leave.”
At first, it was just a few scattered drops.
“I mean…we were having so much fun! Scheming together, carrying out our plots, celebrating our successes! The illicit thrill of making out—that all mattered to me more and more!”
And then it started pouring. A deluge as her twisted love confession gained more and more steam.
“I was caught between my anxiety and those guilty pleasures, and you were the only thing that kept me going. I wanted to keep you with me longer. I wanted you to want it, too. I didn’t want you to go back to being a regular student!”
Every time she spoke, more tears fell.
“So when you suggested calling off the strike, it broke my heart! I got so sad, I couldn’t stop crying! I tried to forget, but I couldn’t! That’s why I left the notebook! It was my last-ditch effort.”
The torrent passed, and Kurumi deflated.
“…Fine, I admit it. I found you sleeping, left the notebook, and tried to carry out the plan all on my own, hoping you’d follow me here.”
She tore off her cat-eared newsboy hat and threw it at me.
“You made out with me and then chose Tanaka instead. How dare you…?! You left me pining all by myself…like a complete idiot…”
Her hat tumbled to the floor, while Kurumi stood, still weeping.
The hat was a symbol of her minority status, and now that was gone. Her hair was still dyed, but she wasn’t a bad girl anymore. She wasn’t a good girl, either. She wasn’t the Kurumi Hoshimiya I’d admired—she was just a girl.
And finally, I got it.
Just as she’d been my salvation—Kurumi had needed me.
The fact that she’d blackmailed me into helping her was irrelevant. The two of us were in this together. We were both so weak, we couldn’t fight back unless we were holding each other’s hands. That was all this was about.
A hollow laugh escaped her.
“Nothing matters anymore. Natsume, you’re here to stop me, right? To protect the festival? Well, you made it in time. How great for you.”
She turned around and picked something up. Then she handed it to me.
It was the fifteen-minute mega-bomb—the CD full of insults.
“Go ahead, confiscate it. Turn me over to the faculty. All’s well that ends well. You’ll be free from my desperate clutches, free to live a normal life. Maybe the teachers will even treat you better if they know you saved them from a dip in next year’s numbers.”
I could see a forlorn smile on her lips.
“Ha-ha. Don’t worry,” she continued. “I deleted the photo of you smoking. I won’t tell anyone you were my accomplice. I hate your damn guts, and I don’t want anything else to do with you.”
“……”
“We’ll never…speak again.” She couldn’t keep up the act, and her voice faded out.
“…Kurumi.”
“…!”
Our eyes met, and she looked scared. Her bold smile had disappeared long ago. She’d put it all out there. My words had forced her to expose everything.
But what about me? I was still scrambling, making a mess of things. I hadn’t sorted anything out or reached any conclusions. I hadn’t managed to tell her a single thing.
It was my turn. Think! What did you really come here to say? It sure wasn’t this.
I knew better. Or maybe I didn’t know anything. What was wrong with me?
Answer the question. What did you want to tell her? What did you want the two of you to become?
It was wrong to sit around waiting for someone to give you something. That was why I… No, that’s not it, either.
“Kurumi…”
Unconsciously, I moved closer to her.
“No…!” she tried to pull away, and my hand brushed her shoulder. “I can’t…if you take away the CD, the last thing connecting us…”
She closed her eyes and turned her back on me. I took another step toward her.
A bitter taste filled my mouth. As I stared at that fifteen-minute megabomb, I knew.
I hadn’t come here to ask what she meant by “a fake taste of high school life” or why she’d left the notebook. I hadn’t run until I couldn’t breathe to put this look on Kurumi’s face.
This wasn’t right. Ending things while we still weren’t on the same page, while we still hadn’t understood each other—that was all wrong.
What are you doing? Just admit it already. You know the truth.
What was it I’d really wanted to do? What drove me here?
“…Listen, Kurumi. I don’t want to go back to being a regular student, either.”
“Don’t lie to me! That’s not true! Don’t feed me crap like that now!”
“I’m not lying to you! Please, you have to trust me one more time.”
“Trust you? After all this? I can’t… I mean… I want to, but…”
Her voice caught in her throat. She hung her head, trying to bottle up her emotions.
I moved in and wiped her tears with my fingertip.
“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Relax. I’ve figured it out. I’ve made up my mind.”
“……”
“I won’t do anything to upset you, Kurumi. I’m only here to do bad things.”
Kurumi’s head slowly came up. Her expression was equal parts hope and fear.
“…What do you mean?”
I nodded at her, then gently plucked the CD from her hand.
I’d never wanted to turn her in and go back to being a regular student all by myself.
I headed for the back of the room, to the control panel full of audio equipment. The machine was simpler than I’d expected. I could tell right away which buttons to press. I opened the black box-shaped CD player and fed it the disc.
“Kurumi! I didn’t come here to stop you!”
Watch this, Kurumi. This is my answer. This is my revenge.
“I came here to blow this festival up!”
I cranked up the volume, hit play…and opened the gates of hell.
“Do you want me to kill you?!”
A stream of delightful, joyous Saigou High classroom scenes played over the PA system.
“Drop dead. Nitwit. Quit school.” The insults flew like a hail of bullets.
Everyone in school must have been shocked—terrified, even. The teachers were probably reeling, panicking, scared of what this would bring.
Just imagining it sent an indescribable icy shock down my spine.
That sure hit the spot. I was hopelessly addicted to this feeling.
“Natsume…?”
I tore my eyes off the control panel and turned to look at Kurumi.
She stood stunned as I approached, facing her head-on.
I’d taken the long way to get here. Beat around every bush. And that had hurt her.
I’d gotten it all wrong. And ever since I reached this room, there had been only one thing, one emotion, that mattered to me.