It was so immoral. I think I’m getting further and further away from fine, and it feels great.
And it was kinda cute how he tried to act all calm even though he was clearly worked up. But that crap about dark chocolate was so cringe.
The words she’d written were like a dagger to my heart.
I felt awful. Why’d I have to say something so dumb?
But for some reason, as I read…I felt myself smile.
June 23:
We’re gonna make and break the festival.
It was his idea to bring it back, and mine to ruin it again. It’s a good plan, and it should hit ’em where it hurts.
I’m gonna cut up some newspapers and make a threat letter.
June 29:
We’re going with Natsume’s plan to revive the festival. It looks like it’s working.
Today, we started planning how to ruin it once it’s back on. Scheming with Natsume is so much fun. I hate to resort to clichés, but it really feels like we can do anything. I’m so excited, my heart is pounding.
We decided to broadcast the teacher’s insults over the school PA system. I’ll have to buy some blank CDs.
July 9:
A lot happened, but Natsume’s plan to restore the festival worked out.
He started making other allies and kept his real plan from me, and to be honest, I felt a bit left out. But he picked up on my frustrations and kissed them all away, so I forgave him.
I’m glad he’s getting more into our fight.
July 15:
I skipped out on festival preparations to buy some blank CDs and ran into Natsume.
He was with Tanaka. They were out shopping for supplies.
His class is back at the festival. It makes sense he has to run errands…
But I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I remember the two of them talking in the cafeteria.
Maybe he wasn’t getting excited about our fight against the school. Maybe he was only interested in restoring the festival.
Was I getting hopeful for no reason? Did I read him all wrong?
July 16:
My bad feeling was right. Natsume suggested calling off the attack on the festival.
He was never really into our resistance. He only ever cared about the festival. He was trying to bring it back for Tanaka’s sake.
What the hell? What does he mean, “Do we have a right to hurt them?” Who cares about that? What was that about “lower-ranking students just like us”? They’re not like us.
I wish he’d stop making excuses and running away.
He didn’t even know why I was crying. He doesn’t know how I feel or what I’m thinking.
He doesn’t know how much having him meant to me.
If I’d pulled out the photo then, would he have stayed? I don’t want to strong-arm him anymore. I want him in this with me for real. That’s why I tested him.
I’m afraid there’s no place left for me now.
I hope I can forget how much I cared about you, Natsume.
When I finished, I was crying again.
Even I thought it was weird for me to cry over something like this, but I was so happy to finally know Kurumi’s true feelings. And yet I also knew it was far too late. How could I not cry?
For a long time, I’d felt like I was at the bottom of a deep, dark ocean, buffeted by waves. Finally, I could breathe again.
I was overjoyed. The way she told our story brought it all back.
“No place left… Was that what I was to her?”
That phrase in particular got to me.
Being with Kurumi was where I belonged, too. She knew full well I was a worthless loser with no plans to study, who wasted his time smoking up on the roof. But she’d accepted that. That was why I’d wanted to be with her.
Maybe the reason I’d suggested calling off the attack was because I was already happy. Being with Kurumi, letting her blackmail me into fighting the school—all that had begun to fill the void in my heart. And as a result, I started to entertain the tawdry hope that everyone could be happy. That was why I’d wanted to call off our attack. That was all there was to it.
I was an idiot. A stupid, shallow fool.
“Ha-ha… How did I miss it?”
I stifled a sob. Waves of regret, joy, and shame came washing over me.
I cried, then I cried some more. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore, but Kurumi still didn’t come back.
It was no use waiting for her. I had to go out and look.
But just as I got to my feet, the pages of the notebook fluttered, and I spotted another entry.
“Huh…?”
The diary wasn’t finished. There was more written after the note about the cookies.
I gingerly turned the page and saw a few sentences marked with today’s date.
July 23:
Natsume, did you like my present? Did you enjoy this fake taste of regular high school life?
“Fake…?”
I didn’t understand. Anxiety shot through my chest, and I quickly flipped through the rest of the notebook.
There was a scrap of paper tucked between the pages, and it fell out and fluttered to the floor.
I picked it up—and froze.
New Membership Application: Stargazing Club. Class: 2-5. Name: Yumi Tanaka.
Aha. So Kurumi and Tanaka knew each other because of this club.
…That couldn’t be all of it, though. Something was nagging at me, but what?
I forced my brain to work. What was wrong here?
A fake taste of high school life. Kurumi asked me if Tanaka said anything about her. The Stargazing Club had no other members. The diary said she’d tested me.
It all added up. A theory was forming in my mind—but just before the last piece fell into place…
I heard a chime, followed by an all too familiar voice over the loudspeaker.
“Festival visitors, please enjoy the sounds of daily life at Saigou High.”