Seeing Rachel still able to run her mouth when surrounded like this, Elliott was struck with an admiration greater than his hatred for her. He was doing the thing where a person who falsely believes they have the upper hand looks down on others because they feel omnipotent.
“Oh-hoh. I’m impressed you can talk like that when we have you cornered. Ha ha ha, I’ll remember you for your spirit, at least. But if anyone’s a liar with their pants on fire, it’s you.”
“No, it’s you, Your Highness.”
“Heh! You’re all talk... Hm?”
Elliott noticed an odd sensation on his backside. Turning to look, he saw his pants were on fire.
“Huh?”
Looking down, Elliott saw Rachel’s filthy little ape there, holding a match up to his behind. The moment he understood the situation, he felt the heat.
“Waugh?! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!”
His hangers-on watched dumbstruck as Elliott rolled on the ground. Some realized what was happening and helped him extinguish the flames, so Elliott got off with only a burned pair of pants and some singed underwear. He’d have to have the doctor look at his behind tomorrow.
“Wh-What does your pet think he’s doing all of a sudden?!” Elliott asked.
“A little joke where you fail to notice your pants are literally on fire,” Rachel explained.
“That’s too dark to laugh at! I almost died, okay?!”
“You’re about to kill me, so I don’t see why you’re so squeamish...” Looking at the little monkey who’d returned to her side, the two of them shrugged in unison. “Haley put a lot of work into that gag. You have no sense of humor.”
“Ook.”
“You’re dead! Kill the filthy little ape first!”
As the crossbowmen tried to move their shaky aim to a new target, Haley hopped up the wooden boxes and out the barred window.
Elliott, looking like a fool with a hole in his pants, began tittering madly as his shoulders trembled with rage.
“Heh, heh heh heh... Rachel. Now you’ve gone and pissed me off!”
“I assure you, I’m the one who ought to be angry at your failure to understand Haley’s best gag.”
“Would you cut the crap?!”
Enraged, Elliott ordered his goons to ready their weapons. Rachel raised her crossbow in response. Then, just as Elliott was about to order them to fire, the viscount’s son, who was nearest to the door, hesitantly called out to him.
“U-Um...”
“What?!” Elliott snapped.
The viscount’s son ducked his head as Elliott shouted at him, but he still pointed toward the door and made his report.
“Um... There’s been a lot of noise outside. There, uh, may be people here...”
“What? Go look!”
“Y-Yes, sir!” The viscount’s son rushed up the stairs, then back down just as fast. “Y-Your Highness! It’s the monkey! The monkey’s setting off fireworks outside!”
“Whuh...?”
Elliott didn’t understand what he was saying, so the viscount’s son repeated himself.
“Miss Rachel’s monkey has been setting off fireworks!”
Behind Elliott, the count’s lazy son murmured, “Come to think of it, he struck that match on his own...”
They soon learned why the monkey was doing it.
“Everyone, drop your weapons!”
The knights on night duty rushed into the dungeon, fully armed.
“Wh-What’s the meaning of this?!” Elliott demanded, but the stern-faced officer returned the question.
“That’s what I ought to say. What is going on down here in the dungeon?”
Our favorite band of idiots were already surrounded, and the numerous palace guards were disarming them.
“Th-That’s classified information!” Elliott replied. “You don’t need to know it, so I don’t need to tell you!”
“Oh, I see.”
When Elliott puffed himself up and started shouting, the leader of the knights backed down rather easily. He barked an order to his men.
“Investigate the weapons they were carrying!”
“What?!” Elliott cried.
“Earlier, we discovered that a number of weapons from the armory, which had been left to air out, had disappeared. Then, just as we were gathering the men to go look for them, there was all this ruckus.”
One of the soldiers shouted, “I recognize all of these. They’re stolen!”
“I see. Take them to the knights’ station! We’ll let them take their time explaining why they stole them!”
“Eeeek?!” As Elliott watched in shock, his followers were all bound and dragged out of the room. His jaw fell open. “Wha...?”
“Your Highness. We’ll be asking you some questions about your involvement later. That’s not a problem, I hope?”
“Fine... But!” Elliott pointed at Rachel, who was hiding in the back. “She has weapons in the prison too!”
The officer looked at Rachel. “Your Highness, why is the young lady holding a weapon?”
“Why? Why would you ask me that?!”
The knight continued, his eyes full of suspicion as he said, “To the best of our knowledge, this young lady was suddenly bound and thrown into the prison here in the middle of a nighttime party.”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“Then why does she have a weapon? Do you mean to tell me she was able to hide it under her dress, perhaps?”
“Uh, well, you see...” This was a sore spot for Elliott. “She, um... She had things ready for her inside the prison.”
The officer’s eyes grew even more stern. “In the prison? When she was suddenly apprehended at the party? A young lady who shouldn’t have even had a change of clothes on her?”
“No, look! She has all sorts of stuff in there!”
Even after looking at the cell, the knight’s reaction remained unchanged.
“It’s a prison for the nobility. Of course there’d be furniture. You’re not going to try and tell me there was a crossbow in there as a wall decoration, are you?”
“Wh-Why, you...!”
Ignoring Elliott, who was unable to muster an adequate response, the officer on duty asked Rachel instead.
“Why is it that you have a crossbow, young lady?”
Rachel was visibly trembling.
“H-His Highness... He suddenly rushed in here, saying he was going to finish me off before Their Majesties could return. He said it would look bad if he killed me without some justification and threw this to me with a sneer. I couldn’t just quietly let them murder me, so I at least tried to resist...”
Rachel began to sob.
“Your Highness. It would appear we’re going to have more questions for you on other matters.” He was looking at the prince of his own country like you would a common criminal.
Elliott panicked. “W-Wait! That’s hers! She brought it in there herself!”
“I believe I already asked you about that before, did I not? I’ve still yet to hear an adequate explanation for why a young lady, taken by surprise and thrown into prison, would have such a thing.”
The officer was right. Pushed into a corner, Elliott struggled for an explanation. Thinking back to what had happened at the time, it hit him.
“I know! The knights on duty the night we threw her in here saw her take the crossbow out of her luggage! Ask them!”
“This was three months ago? We work on rotation, so the guys on duty then would have gone to the front lines two months ago. They won’t be back for another four.”
“No way!”
Elliott had forgotten that his great-uncle and the prime minister had also seen Rachel using the crossbow. Not that it made a difference. The officer was one of Rachel’s people, so he wasn’t going to be listening to Elliott’s opinion.
“A-Anyway, it’s a problem that she has a weapon, right?!” Elliott said desperately.
The officer turned to Rachel. “Well then, young lady, we’ve taken them away now, so would you kindly turn that over to me?”
“Here.”
“Whaa?!” Elliott’s face fell as Rachel simply let go of the crossbow that had caused him so much consternation.
“Now then, Your Highness. Since I am sure you won’t run away, I’ll be waiting at the knights’ station.”
“I know!” Elliott spat.
After the officer impertinently reminded Elliott of this, he and the other knights on duty took their leave.
“That damn jerk...”
Despite his indignation at the less-than-princely treatment he’d just received, Elliott sensed that now was his chance. Now he could stab Rachel from behind.
Elliott still had his own saber. Rachel’s guard was down now that his followers were gone. If he suddenly threw it at her, he might deal a fatal blow.
“All right...”
Just as he put his hand on the hilt of his saber to draw and then hurl it at Rachel’s back...
“Here it is.”
Rachel pulled a crossbow out of a nearby box.
“Whuh...?”
Rachel swiftly drew back the string and set a bolt.
“And we’re good to go.”
“Y-You... You had another one?!”
“Your Highness...” Rachel shook her head in dismay. “It’s an ironclad rule that you should always have a second gun ready in case your first jams, you know?”
“No, I don’t know!”
Why was she talking like a veteran mercenary?
“Now, I think it’s time for a little talk,” Rachel said calmly.
Rachel had a ranged weapon, while Elliott had a saber that was too short to reach her and no second weapon if he threw it at her. He was suddenly at a disadvantage.
“Although, I’m not the one you’ll be talking to.”
As Elliott slowly backed away, Rachel lowered the crossbow.
“Huh?”
Unable to figure out why she’d lowered her weapon, Elliott grew suspicious of everything. Behind him, there was the sound of a door opening, followed by footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Welcome,” Rachel said. “Sorry to make you come when you’d just left on your honeymoon.”
“It’s fine. I had some business with him too.”
The voice that answered Rachel’s friendly greeting came from someone who wasn’t supposed to be there.
“It...can’t be...” Elliott turned to look, his joints creaking like a rusty door.
“Hey, Your Highness. It’s been a while.”
A girl with her black hair in a ponytail stood there.
“Why is Martina here?” Elliott asked. Hadn’t she set off for the frontier with Sykes?
“Well, you see,” Martina began, “I came back because there’s a little something I just have to ask you about.” The original dangerous girl smiled at him, her pupils wide and filled with madness. “There’s this book, His Highness is After Me!... It says in here that you ‘gobbled up’ an unwilling Sykes? Is that true?”
“Huh? Uh, what? What’s that book?”
“I asked Sykes about it, but no matter what I did to him, he insisted that it wasn’t true and everything written in here is a lie. I got a little carried away, and Sykes had to go to the hospital...so I’m here to ask you now.”
“Martina, it’s okay to ask His Highness, but do avoid punishing him anywhere people will see you,” Rachel warned her cheerfully.
“Oh, I know. He’ll still look perfectly fine when I’m done with him.” Martina slapped the palm of her hand with what looked like the leg she’d torn off of a desk somewhere prior. “Now, Your Highness... We’re short on time. Answer me quickly, would you?”
Elliott’s screams echoed until morning.