“You’re not saying you can’t pay me the proper respect because you can’t wake the monkey, I hope?”
“Well, there’s nothing I can do about it. For a pet owner, the pet comes before anything else,” Rachel explained.
“You absolutely can do something! Don’t think you’re getting out of this because people in society are selfish jerks!”
“His Highness, making a cogent point? Ew, gross.”
“From the sound of things, this has nothing to do with your pet, now does it?! You’re trying to disrespect me!”
The monkey dozing on Rachel’s tummy woke up. He stared at the unusual visitors with a sleep-addled look in his eyes.
Elliott met eyes with the monkey. “Okay, Rachel, what’s the deal with him?”
“Him? He’s Haley, the white-haired monkey. Haley, why don’t you say hello?”
At Rachel’s instruction, the monkey briefly looked to his mistress, then looked back to Elliott and raised his right hand.
“Hey.”
“That’s not the way, Haley. That’s how you greet people we’re close to.”
Realizing his mistake, Haley got up, pointed his butt toward Elliott, and slapped it.
“Get lost, okay?”
“That’s not right either, now is it? Look closely before you greet him.”
Haley scrutinized Elliott. Then he thrust his thumbs into his ears, fanned out his wriggling fingers, and stuck out his wagging tongue.
“Dummy, dummy!”
“I’m sorry, Your Highness,” Rachel apologized. “He’s having trouble learning tricks, it seems.”
“I understood his malicious intent!” Elliott snapped. “Is everyone involved with you, even monkeys, like this?! How are you teaching him?!”
“Slowly, with love.”
“Which can’t you teach, courtesy or common sense?!”
“Undeserved politeness, I suppose.”
Elliott thrust a finger at the yawning monkey. “What is he doing here to begin with?!”
Rachel pressed a hand to her cheek, giggling happily. “He was lonely without me around the house, so he came to see me.”
Rachel said this so matter-of-factly that Elliott paused. He glared at nothing as he mentally calculated the distance between the Ferguson estate and the palace—roughly thirty minutes by horse-drawn carriage.
“Don’t lie to me!” Elliott demanded. “It’s a long way from your manor! How could a monkey make it when he’s never been here before?!”
The monkey pulled out a folded hand-drawn map.
“He had the maids draw him a map, and he asked for directions along the way,” Rachel said.
“What are the gate guards doing?! How could they let a monkey through?!”
“They let just about everything through the gate, don’t they? Ah ha ha ha ha.”
“This is the palace! That’s nothing to laugh off, okay?!” Elliott cleared his throat and tried to change tactics. “There was a complaint that your monkey has been picking fruit from a tree that was cultivated to feed the wild birds.” He pointed at the monkey, who stared blankly back at him. “No pets in the prison. Get rid of him at once!”
“How am I supposed to release him when I can’t leave myself?” Rachel asked.
“Then have him go home on his own!”
Rachel hugged the monkey tight. “Haley, did you hear that? His Highness wants me to throw you out into town all alone. Isn’t he awful? It’s downright inhuman, isn’t it? What would he do if you got lost and died in a ditch somewhere? What will become of our country if a man like him becomes king? The nation’s future is dark indeed.”
“Ook,” Haley grunted.
Mistress and monkey hugged each other close, crying in anguish.
“He came here himself, didn’t he?!” Elliott bellowed. “He comes to the palace for the first time all alone, and I’m supposed to believe that he can’t get home?!”
“Oh, I didn’t expect this,” Rachel said, surprised. “You’ve thought it through rather logically.”
“Ook.”
“You mean those were crocodile tears...from both of you?! That’s one gifted pet you’ve got there, huh?!”
Haley walked over to Elliott, clambered up the bars, and extended his hand out to offer Elliott a crab apple.
“Hm? What’s this?” Elliott asked.
“Ook? Ook-ook.”
The monkey was saying something to Elliott, and Elliott took the little apple without meaning to.
Rachel, now looking back down to her book, translated. “You accepted it, so you’re guilty of the same crime, he says.”
“Is he really a monkey?!”
The monkey climbed up to rest on Rachel’s stomach as she reclined. He lay down using her bosom as a pillow and glanced at Elliott.
“Hm?” As Elliott watched, the monkey deliberately bounced his head off his mistress’s chest to emphasize its elasticity, then smirked. “Did he just...?” The monkey stuck his tongue out at Elliott, touching his nose with his thumb and wagging his other fingers. “Why you little...!”
Rachel looked up. “What’s the matter, Your Highness?”
“This filthy little ape is making fun of me!”
“What are you saying? He’s just a monkey.”
“Don’t give me that! He just finished setting me up as a collaborator in his crimes!”
“I was just saying that might be it. Please, use some common sense.”
“You’re not one to talk about common sense...” Elliott mumbled.
“A monkey couldn’t possibly do that,” Rachel pointed out. “I think you just have a victim complex, Your Highness.”
“Grr! Hmph. Whatever! I’m not going to fight on the same level as a monkey!”
The monkey smirked at him again.
“Why you...”
As Elliott ground his teeth, the monkey looked behind him, seeming to have noticed something. Margaret, who’d tagged along, was standing there. The monkey’s eyes widened in surprise. He looked up at Elliott, a nasty look on his face, and covered his mouth.
“Wow, that’s what you’re into?! Gross!”
“You wretch! Get out here! I’ll kill you!” Elliott yelled.
“What are you going on about now, Your Highness?” Rachel asked.
“The filthy little ape just disrespected Margaret!”
“Huh? Me?!” Margaret interjected in surprise. She took one look at the monkey and burst into a big grin.