Life is shit, so I throw myself into super-difficult games. That’s my life.
Perhaps that’s a bit of an overreaction?
“Oh, girlie, brooding again are yeh?”
I had a dream where I was a battle-scarred young girl who was being hugged by a wrinkled old lady. What do you make of that? Freud would have a field day, I’ll bet.
“It’s okay. Everyone fails. Everyone feels shame. There are as many regrets in this world as stars in the sky. That’s just how it is.”
It was actually a rather soothing dream. Maybe I’m just dealing with a lot of pent-up stress. I haven’t had a real break in forever. The train to work is always as packed as a mass grave, its riders like stumbling zombies. A modern slave ship.
“It’s okay to cry. Everyone has their detractors. No one can be beloved by all. Not even God.”
That’s true, yeah.
“Don’t worry. I’ve been where you are. It’s what makes us human. We’re lonely, sad creatures. Alone, we’re miserable.”
Hmm, that hits a little too close to home. I mean, I like to think I do my job well, but... my personal life is more isolated than private. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been watching others be happy. I’m not particularly blessed nor cursed. I’ve just... watched a lot of things pass me by. My life is a haze. So it should come as no surprise that I did it again.
Old lady, how did your face look?
All I can remember are the whites of her eyes, wreathed by wrinkles. In the darkness, they floated like two winter moons. Her trembling lips were probably trying to scream, “Get down!” or “Run away!”
And then, the sudden blinding flash and ear-splitting roar; the shockwave; darkness. The rest is chaos. My memories are jumbled.
I can’t breathe.
It hurts. I’m dreaming, but it hurts. What is up and what is down? My body is heavy. My body is in pain. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Desperately, I reach out a hand and touch something. It’s hard, firm, and large. I grab onto it. Fighting back against the flow, I cling to it. Wait, the flow? Right, the flow. I’m in water. I’ll drown if I let myself get swept away. I’ll die. So I frantically try to climb the tree. In the water. Crazy, right?
The trunk of the tree I’m holding onto for dear life is thick. I can tell it’s a ginkgo tree. For some reason, I just can. It’s the big tree that stands on the outskirts of the village. The one with the leaves that glitter golden.
I break through the water’s surface. As I do, I void my lungs of water. It’s the only way to breathe. And breathing is the only way to stay alive. Living is the only thing on my mind right now. My numb body resists suffering and death.
Another loud sound. What is it? It’s thunder. Far off in the distance, thunder rumbles.
I see it. I see the world.
What... is this?
I gaze upon a ruddy brown sunset on the distant horizon. Above me are dark grey rain clouds. Below me is pitch-black water. The darkness is broken up by lightning and violent, frothing waves, as if each is trying to outdo the other.
This is a nightmare. But even for a nightmare, this is sick. What is going on here? It’s just too absurd.
My breathing still ragged, I look around. Between the waves, I can see something. There are small islands scattered about. Someone’s there. Figures, dressed in black. Brandishing heavy weapons and armor, they bellow a war cry.
Those are... vampires. A vampire army. Yellow eyes adorn their tan faces.
Wiping away my wet hair, I look up. There’s something amid the clouds, too. Figures, dressed in white. Their light clothes flutter in the wind as they gracefully float in midair.
Those are elves. An elven army. Long ears extend from their pure white faces.
“You think this a draw, then, just because you destroyed the battlefield?” A voice echoes loudly across the land. I search for the source. On a small island stands a lone vampire. A flaxen-haired girl—wait. That design...
“Withered branches should return to the earth, like nature intended!” The girl swings a metal rod and the sound of something ripping is accompanied by a blinding light. My eyes are dazzled by the electrical discharge. Slashes appear across my vision.
But no one is hit. The attack creates a great wave and disappears. The lingering reverberations disperse.
Behind the wave stands an elf on the water’s surface. An effeminate man with purple hair—wait, that character!
“A bloodsucker dares talk of the laws of nature? Don’t make me laugh. Your very existence throws this world into chaos.” His voice rumbles low. Oh, no. He’s planning something new. Flooding the village wasn’t enough, it seems.
With rushing sounds, the water begins to whirl. Not naturally; he bends the water to his will with his power.
“Drown!” The water rises, and then shoots forward in the shape of a snake. It’s large enough to swallow a whole human.
“Mere child’s play. You’re the real joke!” The girl strikes the great snake with her rod and a bright flash of light—lightning—tears it apart. It seems familiar. Was that what had blown the old lady away? “Deep Sea? Maybe if the sea were a kiddy pool!”
“I think I hear the squawking of a fledgling warrior who presumes to call herself ‘Golden,’” the elf snorts. The other vampires and elves also begin to stir, incited by the girl and effeminate man—Golden and Deep Sea. The sound of drums erupts from the ground, wild, savage, and deafening. From the sky, flutes flutter, annoyingly haughty and obstinate. A merry undertone runs through both sides. It is as if they think they’re at a festival.
“Ah ha ha ha! Die! Come, I’ll smash you to pieces!”
“No, thank you. Why don’t you hurry up and drown?”
Lightning flashes. Currents surge. The aftershocks of this great clash of magic shake the giant tree repeatedly. Leaves and branches fall. With every pulse the tree creaks dangerously.
It’s a crazy dream. An impossible nightmare. Gritting my teeth, I cling for dear life to the tree’s trunk. My nails dig into the bark. Huh? I’m shaking... but I’m not cold or scared. What is this hot thing boiling up from the pit of my stomach?
“I don’t... accept it.” The words slip from my mouth, in a voice far younger than my own.
“I don’t accept it,” I continue. No, is it the girl herself who’s talking? I can feel my strength waning. My body isn’t responding to me. It’s getting harder to control... Wait, control? Am I controlling this girl? What kind of dream is this?
I stretch out my hand. It’s small and delicate. Young. My hand points straight towards the rioting armies and the flickering world. My body is dripping wet. I fill my lungs, step onto a branch with my bare feet, and open my mouth wide.
“I! Don’t! Accept! This! World!” Tears overflow. They flow hot and endless down the girl’s cheeks, for no one can hear her. No one can hear the words she shouts at the world. There is no one to listen.
No... That’s not true. There is someone. Someone right here. I can hear you. Don’t worry. If you need to cry so badly it hurts, then go ahead and cry yourself dry. Cry all of your tears for the rest of your life, right here. Offer everything you have here, where the old lady and all the villagers sleep under the water.
“Yeah... Yeah, I will.” Oh! Our minds connected.
The girl’s body is shaking with fury.
“I offer my name. I offer my memories. I offer my love, my hatred, and everything else... I offer my all.”
Our eyes meet. Deep within her dark, dark pupils burn bright red flames. But in a world as cold as this one, that’s just fine. In fact, it’s perfect.
“So, God, I ask you to give me power.” This is a dream. It has to be a dream. It’s just not right for such a young girl to be asking God for the power to fight. A tragedy, is what it is. No one wants this. This isn’t some super-difficult game, for crying out loud!
Ah... I get it now. Everything just clicked. A world where humans are on the brink of despair. The set-up. The designs. The characters. The magic. Without a doubt, this is a super-difficult game. One that I’ve played for hours and hours: Dragon Demon RPG a.k.a. DDR.
I’m getting the urge to play again. I remember buying the download-exclusive deluxe version but never installing it. The fact that I never looked up the extra contents might make a replay fresher. Yeah, let’s do that. Some holidays are coming up, after all. I might as well stream my gameplay, too.
After waking up from my nightmare, you might expect me to be a wreck. But instead, I was quivering slightly from the fire burning in my chest.