“MORNING!” Eri, my childhood friend who lived in the neighborhood, chased after me and lightly rammed into me from behind.
“Morning,” I greeted, after pulling myself together.
“Hey, did you see it? Yesterday’s IdRev?!” Eri’s soft cheeks were flushed from excitement.
IdRev is an abbreviation for a show that’s all the rage with elementary schoolgirls right now. It’s short for Idol Revolution ☆ Sparkling Stage, an anime with a typical pipe dream story where a normal girl with pigtails suddenly becomes an idol. It’s got your typical Cinderella storyline. Since it’s backed by a major toy company, they’re milking the preteen girl market and getting huge amounts of money from them and their parents.
As part of the herd, I had become engrossed in the trading card games. Mom looked on disapprovingly every time I had her take me to the shopping center to buy the next deck of cards to add to my ever-growing collection.
Agh. Now that I think about it, that was such a waste! I wonder how many music books I could’ve bought with that money?
“I forgot to watch it.”
I totally wasn’t in the mood for it yesterday. Sou must know Kou for sure! is the only thing I thought about all through dinner, bath time, and bedtime.
“No way! Mashiron, how could you?!”
“You’re right. Tell me what I missed on the way to school!”
My interest in IdRev had completely vanished, but I needed to stay in character. I forced on the most disappointed expression I could manage.
Eri took on an all-important sounding tone as she caught me up, “Rune’s quick change into her stage outfit was to die for! I want the card with that new outfit!”
Until yesterday, I would’ve thrown a fit in horror of missing the episode. I wanted so badly to copy Rune, that I even had my hair cut like hers.
It’s only been one night, yet I see everything differently now. It’s gonna be tough to wait eleven years to reach my former age.
Eri happily chatted away, oblivious of what I was thinking.
Restlessly, I stared at my homeroom teacher during class.
Aah, I want to hurry home and study. This isn’t the time to be doing my multiplication tables. I was impatient because I remembered the game’s fanbook from my prior life. I hadn’t given up on my obsession even after being reborn in another world, and Kou’s type was listed in the fanbook as, of all things, “Intelligent Girls.”
I couldn’t keep up with school in my past life, but if I start seriously studying now, I should make it in time. There’s nothing that says we have a zero percent chance of meeting by accident, so I want Kou to have a high opinion of me when we do.
“What’s wrong, Shimao? You don’t need to hold it if you need to go potty.”
We called the male teacher with a gruff appearance, who always wore a dark-blue jersey, Mr. Kumaja—a pun on his name and the word for bear. He was a kind teacher who was considerate of his students, but I think I just learned the reason why he was still single despite being over forty.
While all my classmates around me laughed, I thinly replied, “I don’t have to go.”
…Boy, it’s painful to be an eighteen-year-old who’s being laughed at by seven-year-olds over bathroom jokes.
✦ ✦ ✦
I somehow made it through an agonizing half-day amid the earsplitting ruckus kids make and left through the school gates beside Eri. Elementary schoolers are seriously noisy and annoying. They talk constantly to the point that you’d think their flapping lips would help them fly. They’re like a swarm of flies buzzing around your ears for hours. Realizing I had been a part of that very swarm until just yesterday made me sigh inside.
Elementary school teachers are incredible. Definitely not a job you can take on unless you love children.
“Hey, can you play today? Takkun and the boys said they’re gonna play dodgeball at Kujira Park. You’re going too, right, Mashiron?” Eri peered meaningfully at me in my silence.
Takkun was the name of the most popular boy in the second grade. He was fast and great at dodgeball. Meeting those two requirements will easily win you the hearts of seven-year-old kids. If I remember correctly, I had ogled him at one point thinking he was kinda cute before my memories kicked in.
“I’m good. You should go, Eri. Didn’t Takkun pull your hair today? Isn’t that because he likes you? They say elementary school boys tease a girl the more they like her.”
I just can’t play dodgeball with a bunch of seven-year-olds. I kept my thoughts to myself and turned her down in the nicest way.
Eri gave me a curious look and burst out laughing. “Oh no, Mashiron! You’re starting to sound like my mom!”
…I want to hurry back home.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I’M home!”
My voice was the only noise in the empty house. I opened the front door with the key hanging from my neck and put my small sneakers inside the aromatic wood shoe shelf. Mom was at her part-time job as a cashier at the local drugstore, and Hanaka usually didn’t come home until around seven at night.
I checked out the kitchen to find homemade pancakes sitting on a plate covered in plastic wrap. After putting away my backpack and washing my hands, I took a seat on the coach in the living room. It felt awfully spacious. My feelings spiraled into depression from being alone in the silence. Just a little while ago I had wanted to get home as soon as possible too.
The various details of my past life that I had been doing my best not to think about were trying to burst past the mental locks I had placed on them. I blinked repeatedly.
Stop it. I don’t want to think too deeply about it.
“I’m going to eat!” I declared in a purposefully cheery voice, then chomped down on the pancake dangling off the end of my fork.
Large teardrops tumbled down my cheeks.
They taste the same as the ones my other Mom used to make.
Obviously, they would. As long as you’re using a pancake mix, the flavor’s going to be the same no matter who makes it.
What am I crying for? Isn’t this stupid?
I knew it was, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
You made me snacks every night to encourage me while I studied for exams, and yet I died. I’m sorry, Mom.
You were looking so forward to drinking together once I became old enough, and yet I died. I’m sorry, Dad.
I wonder if my big sister yelled, “That’s why I kept telling her to stop playing games!” while crying.
I fell into a manhole directly in front of a game store, so I’m pretty sure they figured out the cause of my death. I can’t see them again, no matter how much I want to. I died and left them behind.
Through my sobs, I focused only on devouring my pancakes. If I stopped chewing, my heart would break.
This time I’ll outlive my family. And find happiness. That’s the only thing I can do now to make up for leaving my last family behind.
I cried my heart out as I strengthened my determination.