Interlude: A Souvenir from Mashiro (Kou’s POV)
THE Saturday after she came back from her school trip, Mashiro arrived at the Genda estate with a paper bag hanging from her wrist, looking shocked to see me in the annex with Kon.
“Oh, you’re here too, Kou?”
“Yeah. I needed to see Kon about something.”
I didn’t need to see Kon about anything. But Mashiro would never ask me what that something was, so I didn’t have to worry about her seeing through my crummy lie.
Relief and frustration hit me at the same time. I was tormented by the schism between us and how it seemed to never repair with time.
But I knew she wouldn’t give me the time of day if I told her how I really felt. My frivolous behavior in the past was what kept Mashiro forever out of reach. What situation fit the saying “you reap what you sow” better than this?
“I see! I’m glad you’re here though! I was going to give Kon yours for later, but I’ll give it to you since you’re here.” Mashiro rummaged enthusiastically through the paper bag and pulled out two tiny wrapped packages. “Let’s see…this is Kon’s, and this one is Kou’s.”
She looked seriously from one identical package to the next before handing them to us. “Here you go!”
Kon smiled brighter than the sun. “Yay! I’m so happy! Can I open it right now?”
“Go right ahead!” Mashiro’s eyes glittered with anticipation as if she couldn’t wait to see how we’d react to her present choice. She was so adorable, my expression unknowingly softened into a smile.
I opened the package to find a glass bead strap inside. The combination of braided cord strung through three glass beads was clean and beautiful. It couldn’t have been too expensive, but I fell in love with its chic design at first glance.
“You went with glass beads from Nagasaki? Nice choice! It’s absolutely beautiful!”
A big smile blossomed on Mashiro’s face when she saw Kon’s over-exaggerated delight. “That’s right! I’m so glad you like it!”
That unguarded, defenseless expression raked at the center of my heart.
Why is it you? Why did it have to be you?
I long for more with you every time we meet. I can’t stop thinking about you when we’re apart. This is textbook lovesickness.
It didn’t matter that I had given up on ever falling in love for the rest of my life—I was head over heels in love with Mashiro to the point I wanted to laugh at myself.
“I actually bought one for myself too. I also got Sou a strap from the same series for his souvenir, so the four us will have matching straps… Do you think that’s too childish?” She turned and asked me.
Was she uneasy because I hadn’t said anything yet? Her eyes were just a tad watery.
Kon and Sou don’t need to match with us.
How great it’d be if I could tell her these feelings directly and shake her up so I was all she could think about? How amazing it’d be if she believed what I told her.
“I don’t see anything wrong with that. I like it. Thanks. I’ll use it now.” I defaulted to the most innocuous remark. Mashiro took a good, hard look at my face as if startled by what I said. “What? Is it that unusual for me to say thanks and mean it?”
I seriously wish I could do something about feeling hurt by her reaction every single time. That’s what my head thought, but my lips twisted in self-mockery.
I was fully aware of all the teasing and bullying I’d put her through. I had attacked her to her face at first, then halfway through, I wanted to know what made her different from other women, so I kept testing her. On more occasions than I could count, I put my arm around her shoulder and whispered in her ear like I did with other girls. Each time Mashiro firmly spurned me though her face was bright-red.
I wish I had never done that. From the very beginning, Mashiro only ever said what she meant, yet I didn’t believe her.
It was only natural that she wouldn’t even consider me now. I couldn’t stop wondering about what I had to do to make it up to her and earn her trust again. What would it take for her to believe that the things I say now are how I really feel about her?
Mashiro’s silent contemplation over how to react was broken by a sudden smile. The smile meant only for me stole my breath away.
“Nope. I was just happy that you liked it, Kou. I debated a ton before picking it out for you.”
My heart trembled as a bashful Mashiro didn’t avert her eyes from me. I was positive she wouldn’t believe me this time either, but she went and accepted what I said at face value.
I swallowed back my sigh and mustered every last piece of restraint to give the short answer of, “I see.”
It was so easy for me to reenact the behavior my self-proclaimed fans wanted from me, and yet, when it came to this one girl, the one girl who mattered, I was like a fish out of water.
“…Hey, Kou, you’re acting kind of weird today. If you have something to say, just say it. Okay?” The way she emphasized her words with a tilt of her head was irresistibly adorable.
I want to confess every feeling I have for her. I desperately suppressed my emotions. It would be fine if those feelings just annoyed her. I already figured she would reject me.
But what if she became afraid to be around me? What if she avoided me? Scorned and hated me? I knew with certainty I wouldn’t survive it.
“Are you sure it’s okay if I say it?” I asked back.
She tilted her head and stared back at me puzzled.