CG 28: Homesick (Sou)
Letters (Sou’s POV)
DEAR Shiroyama,
I was very happy to see that you are doing well. I watched the DVD Midori shot. I’m really happy that you are continuing to play the cello to this day.
I’m doing well. Is it weird to write that when you never asked how I’m doing? But I feel like I should at least fill you in on how I’m doing too. Seems kind of unfair for me to keep my life a secret after I got to see how well you’re doing. Umm, what was I trying to write again?
School is fun. I’ve made a lot of friends. I wonder if you heard from Kou about me playing the piano during my school’s culture festival. I played a jazz arrangement of Mozart’s Twelve Variations on “Ah vous dirai-je, Maman” and “When You Wish Upon a Star” for the encore piece.
What songs have you been practicing recently, Shiroyama? Ah, don’t feel like you have to respond to me, my curiosity just got the better of me. I probably shouldn’t ask questions.
Thank you for sending me tons of picture postcards. Europe has lots of pretty cards, huh? I love both the real pictures of scenery and the illustrated ones. Midori sends me cards too. She’s an interesting girl to say the least.
I’m sorry this letter is just a lot of random rambling.
This time I folded an origami Christmas tree to match the season. I folded it in a way you can stand it up later. Please refer to the separate paper I included when you assemble it. What probably looks like small scraps of paper are the ornaments. I folded it so you can use tweezers to decorate the tree with them. Please try your hand at decorating it when you have time on your hands and feel bored (which I doubt ever happens to you).
Please be careful not to catch a cold. Take good care of yourself.
Sincerely,
Mashiro Shimao
December
✦ ✦ ✦
♪♪♪
I had received a letter from Mashiro.
I rushed back to my room, dropped my bag on top of my desk, and took a deep breath.
I carefully sliced the envelope open with a letter opener and peeked inside. Most of her letters contained only origami lately, so my breath caught in my throat when I saw letters written on the other side of the semitransparent stationery. Mashiro’s handwriting had a cute roundness to it. I remember the one time I complimented her on it, she got angry and huffed at me, saying, “It bothers me like crazy so don’t remind me.”
The included origami looked like…a Christmas tree. I wonder what the tiny scraps of paper with it are for. For now, I removed only the letter, careful not to spill any of the little pieces in the process.
The name she addressed the letter to saddened me. But I was the one who’d gone and thrown away my right to be called “Sou” by her. I was such a stupid, spoiled brat; I’m amazed Mashiro still wants to be my friend. Chances were, she would never call me Sou again in order to keep a clear line between us. I loved how she was serious to a fault like that.
Frankly, I was envious of Kou who could stay by her side, having her say his name. He had finally worked up the nerve to confide in me about his feelings when he visited Germany over fall break.
“I’m only telling you this because I doubt I can hide it from you—I love Mashiro.”
I thought it’d come to that eventually.
He could say whatever he wanted, but until he met her, Kou never believed a woman who he could be the real him with existed.
Mashiro was the only girl out there who didn’t treat Kou special and acknowledged every piece of him as he was, faults and all. In all likelihood, she was the only one who wouldn’t chain down the willful Kou and would forgive him for his hopeless selfishness that had him presuming upon other people’s kindness.
He said he was having a real hard time when she avoided him like the plague for a while after I left. “Serves you right,” I sneered at him. He just shrugged.
Who knew he was capable of that expression too? It was the first time I’d ever seen my best friend show insecurity. It had the unfortunate effect of letting me know just how hard he’d fallen for Mashiro for real.
I kicked down the impulse to ask him if he was going to confess to her and just went with, “I still love her.”
“I thought so,” Kou replied with a resigned smile.
✦ ✦ ✦
♪♪♪
DEAR Mashiro,
Thanks for the Christmas tree. The ornaments were a fun surprise. You used red lame paper for the candle fires, right? The tree found its new home on my windowsill. Our maid was speechless when she entered my room to clean. I overheard her talking to the other help exclaiming how amazing the Japanese are.
I did hear about your culture festival from Kou. Sounds like you took Mr. Yamabuki down a peg or two during Seio’s Christmas concert. Kou told me about that too. It made me think you haven’t changed one bit. In a good way, of course.
I know a lot of things go into competitions, but I want you to put on the performance that best represents you. I’m rooting for you from Germany.
Nothing much has changed on my end. If I have to list one thing, maybe it’s that I’ve gotten better at speaking German. Well, of course I would, living here and all. I’m still playing the cello. I’ve been playing Brahm’s “Cello Sonata” a lot lately. Number 1 and 2 are my favorites. Schubert’s “Arpeggione Sonata” is fun too.
Cold days are going to continue through the winter, but I hope you don’t catch a cold either, Mashiro.
Sincerely,
Sou Shiroyama
January
I erased all the lines where I wrote things like “I hope we can make music together again someday,” “I want to see you,” and “I miss you.”
By reading and rereading the letter, I made sure nothing went outside the bounds of a letter sent to a friend. This shouldn’t be too bad. Finally satisfied with my finished product, I slipped the stationery into the envelope.
I stepped outside to put the letter in the mailbox. Powdered snow covered the ground. I went back inside to retrieve my scarf from the coat hanger and wrapped it around my neck. It was the scarf Mashiro had knitted for me. I buried my nose in the soft knitted wool and squeezed my eyes shut.
In my heart, I was constantly composing the letter I really wanted to send her.
I want to see you. I want to see you smile, Mashiro. I miss the sound of your piano.
People often say feelings fade with time. Would I be able to forget about her someday too? Would I be able to choose another person like Father did? I still didn’t understand Father’s feelings that drove him to remarry another woman just one year after the woman he loved with all his heart, the woman he’d married after spending years upon years wooing her, left him.
If my stepmom was the log he latched onto in his final moments before drowning then—
Halfway through that thought, I shook my head. It was painful knowing that it resulted in neither of them being happy.
✦ ✦ ✦
♪♪♪
DEAR Shiroyama,
Thank you for writing me back! I never thought you would write me a letter! It took me by complete surprise. Not much has changed, has it? I’m very happy to hear that you are doing well.
Thank you for telling me what cello songs you are playing. I went straight to the CD shop and searched for them both. They’re lovely songs. It’s been a lot of fun for me to listen to them while imagining how you would interpret them, Shiroyama. Please let me know if there’s a specific cellist you recommend. Ah, but don’t force yourself to reply if you don’t want to.
I’m also getting along just the same. This time I included an origami trombone and horn. The horn was a challenge! I had to redo it several times. It’s official—the horn’s shape wins the difficulty medal in the wind instrument collection.
Speaking of horns, Mozart’s “Horn Concerto” is famous, but I have a thing for Rössler-Rosetti’s “Horn Concerto”. Oh, but I guess that’s too much unnecessary information, huh?
Sorry that I can’t ever seem to write anything that’s not completely random and boring.
I wish I could write about something more interesting. On another note, I’m a bit late to the game, but I’ve recently become addicted to Shotaro IKENAMI’s novels. Historical novels are so sophisticated. Something about them slips into your mind and leaves a lasting impact. I’ve been reading the copies I borrowed from my friend Rei, so I’d like to collect the novels myself someday.
Kou has seemed like a sad, lonely little puppy ever since you left, Shiroyama. I feel like his word choice and actions are getting stranger by the day. If you happen to meet him during one of your breaks, please give him the time of day even if it’s a pain. It will probably make him happy.
Sorry for writing such a long letter. Look after yourself.
Herzliche Grüße←Am I using this greeting right?
Mashiro Shimao
March