A body that had once been transformed into a doll was returning to its human form. Instead of feeling grateful for this transformation, which would usually be a relief, I felt annoyed.
Contradiction. Contradiction. Contradiction.
I struggled to understand my conflicting emotions.
—Upon waking from this dream, it will seem as if it never happened. So why not stop fighting and embrace the deceptive sensations offered by the light spirit?
That would be much easier.
Once more, those thoughts crossed my mind. If everything would be back to normal in just a few minutes, then there was no reason to resist vigorously. Doing so would only squander my energy.
—The desire to resist this artificial world conflicted with the urge to surrender to the struggle. In time, a scene resembling the night before the graduation party at Halm Academy unfolded.
“I… I love Prince Cecil. Even if it means going against Lady Bertia, I can’t change these feelings.”
The false persona I had created chose to sever connections with Bertia because of her heinous behavior, prompting Baroness Heronia to speak softly. Until that moment, my feelings for her were merely a faint ‘interest’ and ‘affection’, but suddenly, I felt a rush of warmth rising in my chest… or so I was led to believe.
“Is this what they refer to as love? I can’t let her go now that she has stirred these emotions within me.” I wrapped my arms around Baroness Heronia, a cold, sinister smile creeping onto my face. The person standing there was no longer the doll-like version of myself.
A familiar warmth enveloped me, and with joy, I softly closed my eyes. Just a little longer, and I could give in to this delightful sensation.
That was when it happened…
“Prince Cecil!! Why?! Why is that woman by your side?!”
Bertia’s tormented scream resonated. I quickly opened my eyes, finding myself at the graduation party scene. After observing Bertia’s shocking actions in this realm crafted by the light spirit for a while, I realized that her public condemnation before a crowd of students and parents provided a fulfilling narrative climax.
But…
Although there were some differences in her looks, a girl resembling my Bertia cried out in despair. Her pain made my heart ache. When a tear fell from her amber eyes, it reminded me of the real Bertia’s tears I had seen before.
The fleeting thought of surrendering to the false solace offered by Baroness Heronia disappeared in an instant. Even if it wasn’t real, even if it was just for a brief moment…
The idea of relying on the woman who had harmed my Bertia, or of acting based on the whims of the light spirit, was unbearable. Regardless of the pain it might cause, I simply could not accept it.
At that moment, a different kind of warmth surged within me, distinct from the heat that had been forcibly imposed earlier. It was unmistakably my own ‘emotion.’
Crack…
It sounded as if a thin shell were breaking. As I looked around, I noticed cracks forming in various areas of the space I occupied.
“Has it finally reached its limit…?”
Before I realized it, the scenery around me began to flatten, peeling away like deteriorating walls. The world was disintegrating. Yet, one spot—where Baroness Heronia was located—appeared to hold strong, gently glowing, as the cracks there began to mend.
“Why not just give up? No illusion you present can sway my heart… I will never consider your master,” I proclaimed into the emptiness.
Even if I couldn’t see it, I felt its presence; it must be there.
As anticipated, the light spirit attentively listened to my words. Seemingly relinquishing its attempts to show me illusions, it gracefully erased the surrounding scenery, bringing me back to a blank white world. However, this time, standing before me was a boy who appeared to be around five years old.
Even in this artificial world, it seemed hard for him to keep his shape. His form was translucent, as if he could disappear at any moment.
“Why can’t it be Heronia? You could have had a future like that too, right?” he begged, tears flowing down his cheeks as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. All I could provide in reply was a bittersweet smile.
“How can I explain? We’ve just moved on to a different future; that’s all I can say.”
Indeed, the future he envisioned was a possibility. The world I just experienced closely mirrored the “otome game” world Bertia had depicted. This made me believe that such a future seemed very likely. However, I had already begun moving toward a different future.
Even if I were told to return to the original path, I would have to say it was impossible. I felt no need to go back, and if asked, I would resist with all my strength. Moreover, being shown the possibilities of a different future had reaffirmed my conviction. I much preferred the alternative future I was creating with my Bertia—she made my life incredibly enjoyable right now.
“You can still make a difference… if anyone can, it’s you, right? Please, select Heronia! If things don’t change, she’ll only feel sad and suffer.” His youthful looks and tearful request didn’t genuinely touch me. I felt not pain, but an awareness that he was my enemy, attempting to hurt my Bertia and pull her away from me. I found it hard to feel sympathy for him.
Some might consider me cold, but this was my true emotion. I have always been someone with dulled emotions. Although I’ve started to grasp “feelings” gradually, and exceptions did arise occasionally, my essence remained unchanged.
The illusions created by the light spirit led me to this realization.
I’ve also come to appreciate the importance and preciousness of that one unique existence that can evoke these ‘exceptions’ in me…
I responded to the light spirit, who wanted me to select Baroness Heronia, said, “I’m sorry, but that’s just not possible. I genuinely dislike her. Initially, she was merely ‘someone who didn’t matter to me,’ but you both have continuously made foolish moves to attempt to take Bertia from me, haven’t you? You’ve created this situation for yourselves.”
I responded with a smile. The light spirit’s eyes grew wide in surprise.
“Why? Why?! But Heronia claimed you are her destined partner. That’s why it’s natural for her to fall in love with you. The scene I showed you earlier was slightly adjusted, but it was based on Heronia’s memories, a predicted future! Heronia was simply trying her best to lead you to the right path!!”