The story of Yun Jiao accidentally eating a chili pepper became a funny story the family shared over lunch.
Yun Jiao: ’...So embarrassing!’
’Wait, did I forget something?’
She furrowed her little brow, puzzled, and a few seconds later, it came to her.
"Dad, I ran into kidnappers."
Yun Jiao dropped the bombshell as casually as could be, but her family was nearly scared to death.
"Huh? What did you say you ran into?"
’Did we hear that right?’
Yun Jiao said, "Kidnappers. The kind that snatch kids."
While no kidnappers had ever visited their village, the legends about them persisted.
She recounted the conversation she’d overheard, mimicking the voices for her family.
The expressions on Yun Linhai and the others’ faces instantly darkened, their eyes blazing with fury.
"Who was it? Which black-hearted son of a bitch? Jiaojiao, did you recognize their voices?"
Yun Jiao shook her head. "I’ve never heard their voices before."
The mere thought that someone was targeting Jiaojiao made them lose their appetites.
"Kidnappers deserve to die. No, we can’t just wait for them to show up at our door. We have to report this to the police."
Jiaojiao shoveled a mouthful of rice. "Dad, aren’t you all going to eat?"
"We’ve lost our appetites!"
How could they possibly eat now? They wouldn’t have a moment’s peace until those kidnappers were caught.
Yun Xiaowu and his brothers gathered around Jiaojiao. "Jiaojiao, you can’t be by yourself anymore. You have to stick with us from now on. Your big brothers will protect you. If the kidnappers come, we’ll beat them to death!"
"Like hell you will. You guys aren’t even as strong as Jiaojiao."
Even the adults weren’t sure they could match Jiaojiao’s strength.
Yun Xiaowu turned to his fourth brother, Yun Chenbei. "Big Bro, make me a slingshot. A slingshot will really hurt them."
"Me too," Yun Xiaoqi said, raising his hand.
"I’m a great shot with marbles, so I’ll definitely be good with a slingshot!"
Yun Chenbei nodded. "Alright, I’ll make one for each of you."
Jiaojiao raised her small hand. "Fourth Brother, I want one too."
The children, having never encountered real kidnappers, had no idea how dangerous they were. Instead of being scared, they were spoiling for a fight.
But the adults were worried sick, their hearts in their throats.
Granny Yun was so anxious she slapped her thighs.
"Those damn, plague-ridden kidnappers! Why did they have to target our Jiaojiao?"
"I need to go burn some incense and ask the ancestors to protect Jiaojiao. And to take those kidnappers away, take them all away."
The old woman didn’t know what else to do, so she sought comfort by burning incense.
Of course, it was up to Yun Linhai and the other men to come up with a concrete plan.
Yun Chendong said, "I’ll go to the police station right now and report it."
Yun Linhe added, "I’ll go with you."
Everyone else stayed home.
After lunch, Yun Xiaowu wiped his mouth. "Come on, let’s go to Ma Po’s place."
He was still fuming about Ma Po bad-mouthing their Jiaojiao. That woman had a filthy mouth, and she was going to get what she deserved.
Their Jiaojiao hadn’t done anything to her. What right did she have to curse Jiaojiao?
But after just hearing about the kidnappers, there was no way the adults would let them go out.
"You’re not going anywhere! Didn’t you hear Jiaojiao? There are kidnappers around! All of you will stay right here at home, you hear me?!"
Yun Xiaowu retorted, "But Ma Po insulted Jiaojiao! If we don’t go teach her a lesson, she’ll think our family is a pushover."
Yun Xiaoqi nodded. "Yeah!"
Jiaojiao, also angry, chimed in, "We have to teach her a lesson."
She said, "The kidnappers said they’d trick me when I was alone. With lots of people, they won’t dare."
Granny Yun, having finished burning her incense, came over. When she heard what Yun Xiaowu and the others were saying, she launched into a tirade against Ma Po.
"That shit-mouthed old hag Ma Po! You kids stay here. Grandma is going to go have a little ’chat’ with her!"
Clearly, she couldn’t stand seeing her precious granddaughter get insulted for no reason.
Jiaojiao hugged her leg, looking up at her with pleading eyes.
"Granny, Jiaojiao wants to go too."
"With Granny here, Jiaojiao won’t be scared."
Yun Xiaowu piped up, "We’ll all go together! There’s safety in numbers, we have nothing to be afraid of!"
Mr. Yun thought for a moment, then nodded.
"Those kidnappers wouldn’t dare show their faces in front of such a big group. Go on, go together."
As for the men, there was no need for them to go. Men weren’t needed for a women’s squabble.
Granny Yun gathered herself and, full of fury, led the posse to Ma Po’s house.
Wang Mei and Shen Yunlian followed along. They couldn’t let their mother-in-law get bullied.
As they approached Ma Po’s house, as luck would have it, the woman who’d lost her laying hen was at it again, her mouth as foul as ever.
She couldn’t bring herself to scold her own grandson. In her eyes, the boy everyone else saw as a good-for-nothing punk was a precious treasure.
Even though he was constantly into petty theft.
It was just that he usually stole from other people’s homes; now he’d started stealing from his own.
Her grandson had stolen the family’s laying hen, cooked it, and eaten it with his delinquent friends. When he was caught red-handed, he told his grandmother he was just trying to be like Jiaojiao, taking the chicken to the tidal flats to find its own food.
But, he claimed, the hen wouldn’t listen and accidentally fell to its death. Seeing it go to waste would be a pity, so he ate it.
Unwilling to blame her own grandson, Ma Po stood in her yard, shouting passive-aggressive insults in Jiaojiao’s general direction.
"The moment I laid eyes on that Jiaojiao, I knew she was trouble. They say the child is father to the man, and at her young age, she already looks like a little vixen. Imagine what she’ll be like when she’s grown! Yun Mu’s family brought home a menace, and look! Now she’s already a bad influence on my grandson..."
Ma Po sat in her yard, holding court with two other old crones who were just as foul as she was, her voice booming without a hint of restraint.
Granny Yun and her group arrived just in time to hear this, and they were livid.
She rolled up her sleeves, slipped off one of her shoes, and charged in with it in her hand.
"You shameless, foul-mouthed old hag! How dare you make up lies about my Jiaojiao! Everyone knows what a degenerate your grandson is, a good-for-nothing petty thief, and you have the nerve to blame my Jiaojiao for it? Ptui! A crooked beam makes for a crooked house! If I don’t teach you a lesson today, you’ll really think our family is a pushover!"
Granny Yun’s hands moved as fast as her mouth. Before Ma Po could even react, she smacked the shoe right across her lips.
"This filthy mouth of yours is dirtier than the bottom of my shoe! Today, I’m going to wash it out for you!"
"Pfft—OWW! You crazy bitch! You dare hit me...!"
Granny Yun landed a few more smacks on her face with the sole of her shoe, making the woman howl in pain.
"I’m hitting you, you shameless old hag! My Jiaojiao is only three years old! How can you say such vicious things about a three-year-old child? You black-hearted, rotten-gutted old bitch! Is my Jiaojiao’s name something your filthy mouth has any right to speak?!"
Jiaojiao stood in the doorway, her eyes wide.
’Whoa. Grandma’s combat power is seriously impressive.’
Ma Po’s son and daughter-in-law rushed out from a room. Seeing their mother getting hit, they moved to intervene.
Shen Yunlian and Wang Mei rolled up their sleeves and charged forward as well.
"Hey, what do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to bully my mother-in-law?"
"Ptui! Can’t you see *your* mother-in-law was bullying *my* mother-in-law?"
"She deserved it! She got what was coming to her for running her damn mouth about our Jiaojiao!"
Wang Mei said, "What now, Yun Hanzi? You thinking of hitting a woman?"
Yun Xiaowu and the other boys charged over.
"You dare hit our aunts? We’ll fight you!"
"Let go of my grandma!"
Just then, a slovenly-looking teenager swaggered over. Jiaojiao turned her head, her big eyes fixed on him with a menacing glare.
’Heh heh...’