AFTER leaving Shizuku’s hospital, it was straight to Miyu’s. I asked the receptionist for her room, and she directed me to the courtyard where Miyu was likely spending time at this hour. Sure enough, there she was, sitting on a bench reading a book.
I called out to her and waved. “Miu, long time no see!”
She looked up, puzzled for a moment, and then recognition dawned. “Hm? Ah. Big sister Mio,” she greeted as I approached.
“Aw, you remembered my name. How have you been?” I asked, sitting beside her.
She didn’t respond, but her head drooped, casting half of her profile in shadow.
“Are you okay? Should I go get a nurse?”
“No, that’s okay,” she replied. “I feel fine. It’s just that…I had a fight with my big sister. Oh, not you! My other big sister.”
“Ah, I see. You have another big sister, do you?”
“Yeah. Well, she’s not actually my sister.”
“So, she’s kinda like me, huh?”
“Yeah, a little bit!” Her smile flickered to life briefly, then faded as the memory of their fight resurfaced.
But a fight? That was news to me. Had it happened when Miyu refused the operation? If so, that lent credence to Shizuku’s take.
“Why did you two fight?” I asked as gently as I could. “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
“You’d really listen?” she asked, almost in disbelief.
“Of course I would!”
I just smiled at her and sat waiting patiently for her to speak. A moment later, she took a deep breath and said, “The truth is…I need to have an operation.”
“An operation?” I did my best to feign surprise. “It’s that serious?”
“The doctors say I won’t get better unless I have it, but it’s just so—”
“Scary?” I interjected. This was my way of finding out how Miyu felt. If she was scared of the idea of surgery itself, she’d say, Yeah, scary! and that would be that. Otherwise, it was something else, or someone else she was worried about.
“It’s a simple operation, though.”
Okay. That response was honestly a little ambiguous and not at all what I imagined she might say. I’m not Shizuki with her level of intuition, so I have no choice but to ask a little more directly!
“Are you worried about your big sister at all?” I asked.
Her reaction was dramatic—her big eyes opened even wider, her brow slightly furrowing as if to say, How did you know that?
Well, it seems like Shizuku was right after all.
“How?” Miyu said softly, jutting her body out toward me.
“How do I know?” I said. “Well, because that’s what my own little sister told me. She said she was more afraid of hurting me than of anything that could happen to her.”
“Your sister, she’s…sick too?”
“Mm-hm. But that’s our little secret, okay?”
She stared at me wide-eyed for a second longer, then her gaze fell away. “For a long time, I was really, really sad, and all by myself. Nobody got how I felt, nobody cared for me, but then big sister Nonoka came along. She was kind to me, she really understood me, and she made everything all better!”
“And that’s how she became your ‘big sister,’ isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“And now, you’re afraid that you might hurt your big sister, the one who made everything all better.”
“Yeah…”
Miyu was an adorable, darling of a girl who deeply loved Nonoka—that much was clear. But while I could understand her perspective, my sympathies lay more with Nonoka. Miyu, if you really care so much about Nonoka, I truly wish you’d just go through with the operation.
“You know, Miu, if I were your big sister, and I pushed you to get surgery that ended up being really bad for you, or worse, I think I’d have a very hard time forgiving myself.”
“Yeah,” she muttered quietly, clutching the book on her lap tightly.
Gently, I placed my hand over hers. “But even then, I’d still want you to get that surgery.”
Her head snapped to me. “What? Why?”
“Because it’s not about what’s best for me. It’s about what’s best for you.”
“But you’ll be hurt!”
“I might be. But I—excuse me, your big sister—loves you. There’s no burden she wouldn’t take on, no pain she wouldn’t bear for your sake.”
I wanted to take the opportunity to throw a subtle wrench into the moral conundrum of the trolley problem. In the hypothetical scenario where the lives of five strangers weighed against the lives of three, I must admit my actions—or lack thereof—would align with the silent majority. But if Shizuku were among those five, my hand would fly to the lever without a moment’s hesitation. And not just that, but if Shizuku were among those five and I were among those three, my resolve would remain unshaken—I would act, decisively.
Nonoka, I realized, was a kindred spirit in this regard. She exuded that sense of profound sense of love and altruism, and it was clear why Ruki fell for her. Even I, witnessing her dedication and the love she harbored for Miyu, found myself drawn to her, almost inevitably so.
“Miu,” I said softly, “the world is a complicated, sometimes unfair place. Certainties are hard, almost impossible to come by; it’s only natural to stress about things.”
The operation went off without a hitch in the game. But it felt wrong of me to use that to assure Miyu of her safety when so many other things had already gone off the rails. No, that wouldn’t work—but there was something else I could tell her. Something more truthful, more grounded, more appealing.
“Which is why I want you to take this certainty to heart, Miu: If you keep refusing the operation, your big sister will be hurt.”
Technically, Nonoka wouldn’t be hurting—she was already hurting. She was hurt by her own powerlessness, lamenting why she wasn’t enough to give Miyu the courage she needed to face the surgery.
“I’ll hurt her?” Miyu repeated anxiously.
I gently shook my head. “You won’t hurt her. She’ll feel hurt. Though I guess to you, that’s one and the same.”
“I don’t want her to feel hurt.”
It wasn’t just Nonoka. Miyu also possessed a kind and compassionate heart. The thought of undergoing surgery was undoubtedly terrifying for someone her age. And while that might’ve been the reason she’d refused surgery at first, as time passed, a deeper, more existential dread took hold—one rooted not in concern for her well-being, but in the unbearable thought of causing pain to her beloved big sister. Hopefully, I could help her overcome that dread, or at least ease it.
“How about this? If you get the surgery, and something happens to you, I’ll look after your big sister. I’ll be there for her, no matter what, just as you were there for her.”
Was it gauche to mention death right before surgery? Probably. Was Miyu well within her right to get angry at me for mentioning it? Absolutely. Would she? I didn’t think so. She searched my eyes with a profound intensity, as if she couldn’t believe what she just heard. “Really?” she murmured.
“Really,” I replied instantly. “That’s been your goal all along, isn’t it? You agreed to have surgery if her class won Sports Day because you thought that way, she wouldn’t feel as responsible.”
It was pure speculation on my part, but I couldn’t help but think that had been Miyu’s way of hedging her bets. On the infinitesimal chance that something happened to her, the blame for that would be placed squarely on ‘Sports Day.’ Or fate—anything but Nonoka herself.
Miyu looked at me in utter disbelief. “How did you know about that?” she gasped in wonder.
“About Sports Day? You’re not to tell anyone, but your big sister and I are classmates,” I replied with a conspiratorial wink.
Her eyes widened in realization, but they still clung to me desperately. “Really?” she said hopefully.
“Really what? Are we really classmates? Yeah.”
“No, not that. Will you really be there for Nonoka?”
I smiled knowingly. “Yeah,” I reassured her. “I’ll be there for her. As long as she needs me.” This wasn’t just a promise to Miyu, but a step crucial to saving Shizuku as well. It was a promise I could make with no regrets. “I’ll take care of Nonoka, which means you have nothing to worry about.”
“You promise?” Miyu asked.
“I promise. But you know what, why don’t we make it official?” I held out a pinky toward her. “I’ll take care of your big sister if you go through with the operation. Oh, and one more thing: Can you keep all this a secret from her too?”
“From Nonoka?”
“You can’t tell her about this deal, and that we’ve spoken. Can you do that?” I wiggled my pinky.
“If I don’t tell her, you’ll promise to look after her?”
“Absolutely, I promise.”
Her hesitation was brief. Then, her tiny pinky linked with mine, sealing our pact. “Okay. It’s a deal,” she promised.
“Okay. Well, I have to get going,” I said, standing up. As I brushed off my skirt, I made it about three steps before halting abruptly, a sudden yet wistful thought floating into my mind.
I’m not sure what compelled me to turn around that day, but before leaving Miyu in that hospital courtyard, I turned back to her.
“I’ll share another secret with you, Miu. The truth is—I know the future. And you, Miu, are going to be just fine. Go ahead and get that surgery—with my blessing.”