1 “…And that is why I am looking for new party members.” “Um… Everyone here is serious about being an adventurer, so maybe you’d be better off asking your friends if you just want to goof around or play adventurer.” I was at Axel’s Adventurers Guild. I had just started my adventure and already hit a wall. “What do you mean, ‘play adventurer’?! I told you I’m being serious! You know how powerful I am! I admit it was hard to find people to join me when I first started, but I am a high-level Arch-wizard now with a track record to prove it, and now I am offering to help novice adventurers on their quests.” “I believe Mr. Satou’s party is the best team to bring out your full potential, but…I’ll see what I can do. Don’t get your hopes up, though, okay?” The receptionist then began walking away. “If possible, I’d appreciate it if they were high-level or advanced-class adventurers like me, too.” “This is a town for rookie adventurers! I said don’t get your hopes up!” After ignoring my request, the receptionist pinned an ad on the bulletin board for me, then returned to her spot behind the counter. Three hours later… “Excuse me. Sorry for bothering you, but not a single person has invited me to join them on their quest yet.” “I’m not surprised…” I started to pester the receptionist again after growing irritated that nobody had come to me with any offers. “Everyone must be intimidated, since I am the most powerful spell-caster in the world, huh? I will simply have to go talk to the adventurers myself. Anyone you recommend?” “Oh, um… Hmm… I recommend Ashea, that person over there who quickly looked away after hearing our conversation; Andy, the gentleman over there who is looking at me with his fingers clasped together as if he is begging me to be quiet; and…” The receptionist paused. Curious, I restlessly followed her gaze until I noticed the next successor to the Crimson Magic Clan leadership glancing in our direction. “…Anyone but her, please.” “Why?!” Yunyun rushed over, large tears bubbling in the corners of her eyes. “What’s the point in having two Arch-wizards in the same party?! …Anyway, I am surprised you still haven’t formed another party after getting back from Crimson Magic Village. What’s going on?” I asked with a sigh. Yunyun had returned home to undergo the trial to become the next village chief and had just gotten back to town the other day. The first day she was here, everyone at Axel’s Adventurers Guild had been fawning on her, surprisingly enough. I told her nobody would turn her down if she asked them to join her party, yet here we were… “A-about that… I tried to invite a few people to join my party, but the timing just wasn’t right…” …The timing? “You know how some people are. I’m talking about the ones who arrive at the Guild early in the morning for a quest. They come prepared with a full party, right? So I can’t just squeeze myself into their group and ruin their plans for the day… And once they get back from the quest, they’re exhausted, so I don’t want to bother them…” “You’re always so considerate about the weirdest things! All you have to do is tell them to let you join their party! They would immediately welcome you without even giving it a second thought! …Why don’t you just go look at the ads on the bulletin board and join someone looking to form a party?” Spell-casters and healers were in relatively high demand, since there weren’t as many of them. I highly doubted there wasn’t at least one ad looking for someone like her. “I checked out all the ads on the bulletin board, but everyone seems to be looking for a spell-caster, and as you know, I am an Arch-wizard…” “Who cares? An Arch-wizard is nothing more than a high-level spell-caster, right? Ugh… You just like being a pain in my butt, don’t you?!” I placed my hands on Yunyun from behind as she awkwardly squirmed, then pushed her forward for all the Guild members to see. “Does anyone need an Arch-wizard? This high-level Crimson Magic Clan member is looking for a party to join. She can use intermediate magic, advanced magic, and can even teleport!” The crowd grew excited. “Seriously?! Yunyun’s looking for a party?!” “O-our party is a relatively high level compared with others in town, so I think we’d be a good match for you!” “Not so fast! Your party already has a spell-caster! We want someone who can use magic, too!” “We’re an all-girl party, so I think you’d fit right in, Yunyun!” There were so many people shouting that it was hard to make out every word and hear who was saying what. “And as a bonus, I, the master of explosion magic, shall join you on your quest as well! Now come! Gather here, all those who wish for us to join you!” My surprise brought the entire Guild to a deep silence. Heh. Now all I had to do was pick the best offer… “Hey, what do you think we should do? I’d love to have Yunyun in our party, but the extra baggage is a bit…” “Mm… I’d kill for a decent magic-user from the Crimson Magic Clan! But the price I’d have to pay for such a luxury is a little too…” “The dead weight is just too much. There’s no telling what she’s gonna do next. You know how hard Kazuma has it.” ……………… “Y-you were right, Megumin… Hee-hee… Wh-what should I do? There seems to be a lot of talk, but I’m sure there’s at least one group that’d t— Megumin?! What are you chanting?!” “See? I told ya so! The extra baggage has already lost her mind!” “Does anyone here know Bind?! She’s at a high level, so it’s going to take more than just brute force to hold her down!” “Hurry up and grab her! Get her out of here!” “Adventurers, may I have your attention, please?! We have an urgent quest: Somebody please stop Megumin! Anybody! You will be awarded three thousand eris!” After being thrown out of the Guild, I took shelter from the rain under the buildings’ eaves in the shopping district while stuffing my cheeks full of grilled skewers I’d bought at a food stall. “You’re welcome for the extra three thousand eris, by the way. Here. You should probably finish your skewer before it gets cold, Yunyun.” “‘Here’?! You’re not even going to apologize?! Why do you always mess things up for me?! I would have passed the trial to become the next village chief the first time if you hadn’t kept casting Explosion! …No, you don’t get to pout! Stop that!” Yunyun, blinded by rage, began squeezing my cheeks together with both hands while I still had a skewer in my mouth. “Sss’aaaph! I ha’e was’ing food! You’re going ’o make it shoo’ ou’ of my mouff!” I managed to peel her hands off me and swallow before stepping away from her. She looked back at me, tears in her eyes. “Things were going really well for me, too! I can’t go back there now! I’d be way too embarrassed to talk to anyone! Megumin, how are you going to fix this for me?! I want friends I can go on adventures with, too, you know!” “You already have someone and from the same clan, to boot: me—the friend responsible for putting that eris in your pocket. Seriously, I do not understand how you are still complaining.” “Shut up, Miss Three-Thousand-Eris— Ow, ow, ow! Quit it!” I suddenly realized something while putting Yunyun in a headlock for the rude nickname she had given me: I was too well-known in this town. But what if I traveled to a place where nobody knew our bad reputation? “Now that I think about it, Megumin, why did you suddenly start looking for a new party to join? What happened to Kazuma? …Huh? D-did something happen? Megumin?” After coming to this revelation, I placed a hand on my curious friend’s shoulder and… 2 “…So that’s the plan. Understand?” “Oh, I understand…just how stupid you are!” Yunyun, eyes crimson with agitation, lashed out at me the moment I finished explaining things. “Hey! I thought we were friends, and I thought girls stuck together and consoled each other! Yeah, I know how you feel! I can’t believe that jerk Kazuma would do such a thing. Come on—let’s go get something to eat. My treat! You know, stuff like that!” “Real friends aren’t so shallow! Besides, I sympathize more with Kazuma than you! Because, like…” Yunyun exaggeratedly gestured broadly at everything around her. “Because we’re inside a castle!” She yelled, on the verge of tears. “Did the warm tea help you calm down yet? Oh, excuse me. Another cup, please.” We were inside the royal castle far away from Axel. After Yunyun teleported us to the capital, we were shown into the parlor like celebrities, being VIPs and all. “Yes, I’m feeling a lot more relaxed now. Um…I’m sorry for yelling. I apologize for all of this. She tricked me into bringing us here. Please spare my life.” “What are you talking about?! They’re not going to kill us just for stepping foot inside the castle!” Yunyun gulped down the tea the elderly butler had poured for her all at once, then stared at me with a piercing gaze filled with suspicion. It appeared she was having some trust issues after she had nonchalantly brought us here at the request of her trusted friend, me. “Don’t worry so much. We only came here to invite one of my lowly grunts on our adventure.” “One of your ‘lowly grunts’? Megumin…I’ve got a really bad feeling about this…” The elderly butler poured me another cup of tea, ignoring the fact that Yunyun’s face had turned deathly pale. “Please have another cup of tea, Lady Megumin. Are you finished with dessert?” “I will take the rest with me. Could you put them in containers for me, please? They should make good souvenirs for my friends back home.” “Have you no shame?! A-ahem. Sorry for yelling again…” All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door while Yunyun was embarrassingly hunched over. And on the other side of the gently opened door was none other than… “I knew it…” Yunyun’s expression was clouded with despair as tears welled in her eyes. “Boss, Yunyun, allow me to welcome both of you to the castle! Also, please allow me to properly introduce myself to you, Yunyun. You may remember me as Illis, the thief, or the granddaughter of the capital’s Chirimendonya. But that was just a cover for my true identity. My real name is Iris. Iris Stylish-Sword Belzerg!” Iris said, grinning broadly from ear to ear with Claire and Lain at each side. “…So we’re here to ask if you would like to go on an adventure with us, and—” “Of course!” Iris was so excited that she couldn’t even wait for me to finish my sentence. “I will not allow you to do something so foolish, Lady Iris!” “Yes, Lady Iris, you mustn’t do something so rash! And, Miss Megumin, please stop inviting her on your silly quests!” They each tried to stop her, but Iris suddenly steeled her face and… “Claire… I understand that you are only saying that because of your loyalty to me and because you care about me.” “L-Lady Iris…?” Iris gently wrapped her hands around Claire, who was taken aback by just how serious she was. “However, I am the princess of Belzerg. I am the first princess of a nation known for martial arts! Claire, I want you to believe in the one you serve. I know you two have worked hard protecting me over the years, but I am the Dragonslayer now. It is my turn to protect you, Claire. As the princess of Belzerg, I shall protect this country from all that is evil!” “Lady Iriiiiiis!!” Claire, ugly crying with tears streaming down her cheeks, latched on to Iris’s hips. “Th-this is the happiest I have ever felt in my life, Lady Iris! …Very well. I, Claire, will say no more! I will trust you and pray for your safe return!” Claire then buried her face in Iris’s chest, wailing as the tears continued to fall. Although her dress was now damp and she wore a slightly troubled expression, Iris softly clenched her fists. “Yesss.” “No, Lady Iris! Not ‘yesss’! And, Claire, you mustn’t let her fool you like that! What part of her speech convinced you that she needed to go on an adventure?!” “Ah! O-oh yeah… Now that you mention it…! Lady Iris, there is no imminent threat to our nation right now, so there is absolutely no reason for you to go out and defeat any monsters yourself!” Claire insisted, straining her voice and standing back up after Lain brought her back to her senses. Iris looked at her two loyal retainers with a sorrowful gaze. “Claire, Lain… Can I ask you a favor?” “Anything for you, Lady Iris.” “Do not listen to her, Claire! Lady Iris, where did you learn to be so cunning? Please stop this! You are going to give me a heart attack!” Seriously, though, where did she learn to be so cunning? Relentlessly attacking someone’s weak point was dirty and something only a NEET would do… Even though they weren’t related by blood, I suddenly found myself thinking about how similar they had actually become. Unlike her counterpart, Claire, Lain was still showing no signs of yielding. That is, until Iris puffed out her cheeks in a pout and used her secret weapon. “I’m not sure I like either of you anymore.” “What are you saying, Lady Iris?! Ah! Claire stopped breathing! Please do not say such a thing, Lady Iris! I beg of you: Take it back!” Lain was close to a breakdown while holding up Claire, who had suddenly passed out. Iris sighed. “Fine. You win. If that wasn’t enough to persuade you, then I’m simply going to have to come up with something else to convince you two.” “Lady Iris, are you claiming you were trying to persuade us to let you go by saying that?! I, Lain, will not allow it no matter what you do! I have already had my pay cut enough because of you running away!” Lain got into a stance, waiting for Iris’s next move, as if it could come any second. “I would like for you two to join me at the training grounds. Come.” “…What?” Lain, still bracing herself, curiously tilted her head to the side for a few moments, until her face suddenly went pale. “I am going to prove to both of you that no monster would stand a chance against me if—” “Enjoy your trip, Lady Iris.” Lain was reverently bowing before Iris could even finish her sentence. 3 “Make sure to smooth things over with your guards later, okay? Because if you don’t, they won’t even let us through the gate next time. Anyway, I see that you’ve gotten a lot more aggressive.” “I’ll make sure to get them souvenirs before returning. There are many things in the outside world that could benefit me. Today, for example, will surely prove to be a lesson in social studies.” After leaving the castle, we decided to take Iris, in her high spirits, to the Adventurers Guild. “Anyway, there are a lot of fearsome monsters around the capital. I get that you are strong, but you cannot let your guard down, okay? You count on us if you ever find yourself in a pinch. After all, you have two very well-known Crimson Magic Clan members at your side now.” “Thanks! I can only use a limited range of attack spells, so I am looking forward to seeing all the spells you can perform!” “O-oh, I don’t really like crafty spells, so I am probably only going to end up showing you one. You’ll need to ask Yunyun if you want to see a wider variety.” That was when it suddenly hit me: One of us here had been oddly quiet this whole time. “What’s wrong, Yunyun? You are being awfully quiet today.” The moment I spoke up, Yunyun promptly kneeled down on the ground and lowered her head before Iris. “I understand this doesn’t excuse my actions, but I didn’t know! Please forgive me! This was all Megumin’s fault for the most part!” “Where did that come from?! I have had enough of your false accusations!” Flustered by Yunyun’s endless bowing, Iris replied: “P-please stop that, Yunyun! You don’t need t—” “I knew you were someone important, but I had no idea you were the princess! The Crimson Magic Clan had nothing to do with this! If anyone deserves the blame, it’s Megumin…and partially me as well. So if anyone has to be punished, it should mainly be Megumin! And if that’s not enough, I’ll take whatever punishment is left over! So please…! Spare the people of my village…!” “What is wrong with you?! Why are you making me out to be a villain?!” She appeared to be apologizing for her ill-mannered behavior due to not knowing her place. Iris, recognizing what was going on, shook her head with blushing cheeks. “Please lift your head. I don’t care about social status, so it’d make me really happy if you could simply treat me as you would anyone else.” “Illi— Ahem! Lady Iris…” “You don’t need to call me Lady, either. Just treat me like a friend as you always have.” Yunyun timidly raised her head to see Iris smiling down at her. “Since when are you so humble? It’s hard to believe you’re the same person who reprimanded Kazuma for not speaking to her with the utmost respect.” “P-please forget that ever happened! It still bothers me just thinking about it!” As Iris covered her blushing cheeks, Yunyun stood back up and brushed off her knees. Her eyes were glittering red but for a different reason than Iris. “Thanks, Iris, for letting someone like me be your friend. From today on, I am going to focus everything I have on learning the advanced spell Shapeshift. That way, I can become your body double and pay you back with my life if you ever get caught up in some nation-shaking conspiracy or something.” “Why does everything you say always have to be so serious?!” The capital’s Adventurers Guild. The quality of the local adventurers there was clearly far beyond what Axel’s guild had to offer. It seemed like everyone was wearing high-end equipment. Their powerful auras were evident as they stared at us from the moment we stepped inside. “Behold, Iris. Now, this is a real Adventurers Guild. It’s only a matter of time before someone tries to start trouble with us, since we’re merely three young women. So it’s very important that you knock out the first punk who messes with us. That’s how you send the message that we’re not to be trifled with! Then everyone will know we mean business, and they will give us the best quests.” “Oh, this is the ‘tropey ritual’ Kazuma told me about! Nobody bothered me when I was in Axel because my guards were with me, but it appears I will be able to finish the ritual this time!” Every adventurer in the Guild averted their gaze amid our whispers. “Megumin? Did you do something to the adventurers here, too?” “Hey! Stop saying things that make me sound like a bad person!” I followed their gazes, only to discover that they were all actually staring at Iris. “It’s clear she is the reason they’re acting funny. After all, she is the only one here who’s obviously a pure-blooded noble, with her blond hair and blue eyes.” Iris reflexively jumped as if she’d gotten a chill. “They’re glancing at you, too…,” Yunyun said with a reproachful gaze. I had no idea why they’d be looking at me, though… “Boss, you made a spectacular showing in front of countless adventurers last time you were in the capital. Do you think that could be why they’re looking at you?” “Oh yeah!” “I knew it! You did do something to them!” Wait. Hold up. While I had made a spectacular showing last time I was here, it still didn’t make sense for them to be this afraid of me. “I wouldn’t be talking if I were you, Yunyun. Have you forgotten our rampage together at the fortress on the front line near the capital? After Kazuma used his skill to approach the Demon King’s army and I cast Explosion, we used your Teleport to escape and—” “Oh, that…? But I only played a supporting role! There’s no way that’d make them afraid of me!” She was right. It was bizarre that they’d be avoiding us like this simply because we’d played a huge role in defeating the Demon King’s army. It looked like I was simply going to need to grab some random adventurer to ask what was going on. Just then… “Ha-ha! As assertive as always, I see! They’re afraid of you for a different reason, though.” A massive man with a cross-shaped scar on his nose, who seemed to have been casually drinking since noon, suddenly greeted us from the table to our side. Sitting on his right was a beautiful woman, who had a penetrative gaze and probably a strong will to go with it. On his other side was a man with an ax hanging over his shoulder, who was smiling at Yunyun and me. “Don’t get fresh with me, you creep. You don’t know me. Go bother someone else with your cheap pickup lines.” “““…?!””” All three adventurers were taken aback for some reason. That was when, all of a sudden, Yunyun’s expression lit up. “Rex! Sophie! Terry!” Ohhh. It appeared these three were Yunyun’s acquaintances. “Since when do you have friends who’re adventurers, Yunyun? Color me surprised. Well, I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do, so Iris and I will head out to give you guys some alone time.” “What the…?! How can you be so cold?!” shouted the man called Rex with a flustered tone. “…? Oh. Are you the guy who fell and cried after being hit by my Explosion’s shock wave during the battle against the Demon King’s army? Sorry about that. But we were in the middle of war, so is it really my fault?” “No! I have no idea who you’re talking about! We used to be adventurers in Axel! Remember when you first came to the city looking for people to join your party? We fought a demon together! And then we invited you to join our group and come with us to the capital!” Did something like that really happen? Yunyun elbowed me in the side as a question mark appeared over my head. “Seriously? Did you forget? Remember when that demon Host appeared in Axel, and some adventurers fought with us? And we captured the Beginner’s Bane together—” …Oh yeah! “Oh, now I remember! Rex is the guy who said I was all talk and kept insulting me! Running into you here must be fate’s way of telling me it’s time for revenge. Let’s do this! Bring it on!” “Why would I fight you?! I apologized about that after we defeated the demon, right? More importantly, how are you forgetting what happened after that?!” I finally remembered what had happened for the most part. Yes… It was before I’d formed a party with Kazuma and the others. I vaguely recalled these adventurers apparently being on par with the hero of the magic sword’s party in terms of skill. “If it isn’t Rex, the guy who begged me to join his party. Long time no see. Are you famous yet?” “I wasn’t that obsessed with becoming famous! B-but actually, we are somewhat well-known now. Not as famous as you, though.” …Oh? “You’ve heard of my exploits? Well, they did write about me in the newspaper, after all! So what do they say about me around these parts?” “That actually has to do with why everyone’s so afraid of you. I heard that you and some young man named Kazuma were going around calling people punks and starting fights just because you didn’t like how they looked.” Oh…! Now that he mentioned it…! “Oh yeah! Iris was there, too! Those three punks had it coming! Phew. Now I get why everyone’s looking at us like this.” “So it is your fault!” Iris and Kazuma once had their bodies swapped due to a divine relic, and Iris, inside Kazuma’s body, started a fight with some ill-bred punks. “Oh. So that was where the boss’s bad reputation came from. It appears I am partially responsible as well. Surely, there must be something I can do?” Rex spit out his booze when he saw Iris’s troubled expression. “L-Lady Iris…?” Ah yes. This was the imperial capital, after all. I swiftly waved Iris over. “Iris, I am pretty sure there isn’t a single person in this city who doesn’t know your face. In other words, they are probably just as afraid of you as they are of me…” While watching me whisper into Iris’s ear, Yunyun suddenly muttered: “The reason I can’t form a party isn’t because of the people I hang out with…right?” We headed to the Guild’s reception desk after saying good-bye to Rex’s party, who had started acting weird after realizing Iris was with us. “W-w-w-w-w-welcome! What brings you to our humble guild today?!” screeched the young man in a nervous, hoarse voice. “We are looking for a quest that screams adventure. One with a powerful enemy and a good reward but also somewhere you could walk to from here.” “O-our Guild does not have any quests like that…” A sweat droplet slid down his cheek as he frowned at my request. “You’re asking too much from him! Excuse me? Are there any quests nearby we could try? We’ll do anything. And…” Yunyun, having butted in, glanced at Iris to her side a few times. “Something extremely safe. A quest where we didn’t have to get dirty would be ideal…” “This is an Adventurers Guild, so there aren’t any safe quests…” The receptionist continued showing reluctance until Iris leaned over the counter with glittering eyes. “Then tell me where the Demon King’s generals are! Allow me to put an end to them!” “Please don’t! My head would roll if I sent you somewhere so dangerous, regardless of if there was a general or not! The fact that you could probably even defeat them is in itself a problem as well, Lady Iris!” It appeared the receptionist had realized Iris was not like the other adventurers. Someone as irregular as Iris probably could defeat the Demon King’s generals, so I could see why Kazuma kept saying we should just let her defeat the Demon King. “You have my deepest apologies, but our guild does not have any quests fit for you, Lady—” But right as the receptionist was reverently lowering his head and apologizing… “Why?! I thought this was an Adventurers Guild, and I am trying to make a request!” “For the last time, we cannot accept jobs based on uncertain data! I’ve never even heard of a King Toad!” When I looked over, a middle-aged man wearing glasses, who appeared to be a client, was arguing with the woman behind the receptionist counter. “The King Toad is real! The only reason there are few eyewitness accounts is because every party that finds it is completely annihilated! According to my research, all signs point to this extraordinarily gigantic frog appearing during the rainy season. Defeating it will benefit this country as well!” It seemed the Guild had denied the man’s request, but their conversation piqued my interest…especially the part about a King Toad. I simply couldn’t ignore it after all I had been through with frogs. I walked over to the man, who was still rambling about it. “Hey. I’m a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, and I just happened to be walking by. Do you think you could tell me a little more about the job?” 4 “My name is Burton, and I research all forms of life for a living.” I decided to first hear what he had to say at a table in the corner of the Guild. The wildlife biologist, who introduced himself as Burton, was apparently well-known at the capital for being a little off his rocker. “I see. So…you study monsters and investigate their weaknesses? That’s not weird at all. If anything, it’s probably something the kingdom should be looking into and funding.” He shot me a quizzical gaze after I told him how I felt about his research. “Hmm? No, I don’t research monsters’ weaknesses. I look for the answers to questions all people have: Why do cabbages fly? Why are saury the only fish that are raised on farmland when there are so many other fish in the sea?” “Nobody cares about stuff like that. It is just common sense. Things you pick up on as a child.” “…?! I-I’m actually kind of curious…” Yunyun showed interest, probably since she had no common sense and was off her rocker as well. Iris appeared to feel the same way, too. “Why do cabbages fly?” “No clue. Perhaps it’s pure motivation or courage or some kind of magic? Maybe they just feel like flying? More importantly…” Iris glared at Burton with tears in her eyes thanks to his ridiculous reply, despite being the one who had brought it up. “Are you familiar with the creatures known as Snow Sprites? They say killing them makes spring come more quickly. And defeating the monster I am searching for, the King Toad, could end the rainy season quicker as well.” Iris’s curiosity seemed to have overcome her disappointment. “Burton, I would like to know exactly what evidence you are basing that on,” said Iris, brimming with curiosity. Burton fussily knitted his brow. “If you have a question, you will refer to me as Professor.” “P-Professor, how do you know defeating the King Toad will hasten the end of the rainy season?” “I don’t. But every rainy season, I hear it croaking day and night, so I figured it’s probably some sort of rainmaking ritual. S-stop! What do you think you’re doing?! I am a customer!” complained Burton as Iris pulled his glasses down his nose. But Yunyun, who had been listening in silence all this time, curiously tilted her head to the side. “So you want us to defeat the King Toad to prove that your hypothesis is correct? Is that it?” “Nah, I don’t care about the hypothesis. I just hate the rain. It’s always damp and humid this season. All I want is for you to make it stop raining.” “There is someone in Crimson Magic Village who can control the weather, so maybe you should go ask them instead?” Burton firmly pushed his glasses back up his nose in response to my suggestion. “Do you realize how long it would take me to get there from here? There was actually a reason I came all the way to the Guild to ask for help. I need it to be sunny tomorrow no matter what.” Despite how unreasonable he had been with her already, Iris still couldn’t help but ask why. “Is there some grand reason why it has to be sunny tomorrow? We might undertake this quest depending on the circumstance…” “There’s this broad Barbera at the pub I’ve been trying to get with for forever now, and she said she might as well go out with me tomorrow if it’s sunny… Hey?! What is wrong with this kid?!” Burton kicked off his chair and leaped back in an attempt to save his glasses from Iris snapping them in two. It appeared this middle-aged man was the only person in the Guild who hadn’t realized that Iris was the princess. “Our neighborhood Arch-priest of the Axis Church hung some sort of paper doll outside the window at home to ward off the rain, so it will most likely be sunny tomorrow. She’s probably already bored of the rainy season, since her decorative mushroom is gone now.” “What kind of ridiculous superstition is that? Doesn’t sound plausible at all.” Aqua wasn’t right about much, but she was always good at predicting the weather for some reason. “Nothing you’ve said so far has sounded plausible, either!” Burton firmly pushed up his glasses as Iris berated him. “What is wrong with this girl?! Ugh! I hate kids! Pesky brats always ask me for proof and reasons for my hypotheses!” “What is wrong with you?! I have had enough already! Please tell me exactly why you think defeating the King Toads is going to make it stop raining!” “Just a hunch. It’s my gut feeling after being a biologist for so many years.” How reliable. Yunyun turned to me and said: “Hey, Megumin… I’ve got a bad feeling about this. There’s something wrong with this guy. Maybe we should look for another, safer quest.” “I get it, but what are you going to do about that?” I pointed to my side. “Very well! We accept this quest! Now, let us go defeat this King Toad! And if it is sunny tomorrow, I will admit you were right!” “I don’t care if some brat thinks I’m right.” “What is your problem?! Ugh!” Despite being enraged, perhaps for being treated poorly for the first time in her life, Iris accepted the quest without even asking us first. 5 Yunyun’s gut instinct turned out to be right. “Look, Scholar Megumin! This plant-type monster Alraune first captures its prey with its vines like this, then plants its seed in them before releasing them! This is the evolution and intelligence of a plant-type monster that is permanently stuck in one place!” “Ahhh! Burtoooooon! It’s seeding you! It’s planting seeds on your back!” We were in a forest slightly away from the capital where a monster that resembled a young woman growing out of a flower bud was attacking Burton. “Wait, Yunyun! Alraunes are not that dangerous. They even laugh while seeding their prey to help calm their nerves.” “Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!” “What’s calming about that?! That’s the scariest laugh I’ve ever heard!” Burton cheerfully explained the ecology of the monster while still trapped in its vines. “The seeds they plant in you won’t hurt you. In fact, they apparently pump their prey full of a highly nutritional tree sap, which gives them a jolt of energy and euphoria. The seeds do not stay in the prey’s body but are expelled with their waste. They probably do this so their prey carries their seed as far away as possible, which is further proof they are not a threat at all! So please, sheathe your weapon! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!” “It’s injecting you with something, Burton!” “What should we do, boss? If we don’t act fast, Burton could…!” Yunyun stood with her dagger, as if she was going to cut the vines, while Iris helplessly awaited orders. “Let’s just leave Burton alone. I mean, he looks to me like he’s happy.” “A parasite is putting its seed in our client! I can’t just leave him like this! Burton, come on! I’m going to cut the vines!” After being saved, Burton, red in the face and staggering, rambled in a deranged manner: “Incidentally, the monster known as the Leisure Girl is said to have derived from Alraunes. The reason these plant-type monsters look like young girls is probably to make people lower their guards and prevent the plants from being attacked! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! All hail the Alraunes! All hail the Alraunes!” “He’s a goner. Let’s just wish him the best and leave him here.” “Stop saying stuff like that and help me carry him, Megumin!” We had just walked into the forest, and already we had run into trouble. I was starting to get a bad feeling about this just like Yunyun… My gut was right. Burton started acting even more bizarrely. “Yes, Scholar Iris! Just like that!” “Iris, don’t listen to him! Feel free to kill it if you have to!” Iris was facing a Beginner’s Bane right in front of us, and it seemed to be very good at determining its opponent’s strength. It was frozen like a terrified frog being glared at by a snake. “B-but, Yunyun, I am starting to feel bad for it, seeing how scared it is…” “Scholar Iris, just a little more! Just a little longer, and I’ll be able to finish drawing the Beginner’s Bane!” “Burton! Do you know who Iris is?! Megumin, we have to do something!” pleaded Yunyun as she protected Burton. “Beginner’s Banes are really cool, huh? I guess you could say I’m a fan. Hey, Burton. Did you know there are Beginner’s Banes that are herbivores and like wolfberries?” “Fascinating! I would love to have a discussion on Beginner’s Banes later if—” “Light of Saberrrrrr!” As if she had had enough, Yunyun scared the creature off with magic. We ran into one new monster after another as we plowed ahead. “Scholar Iris, I was wrong about you. I first thought you were nothing more than a spoiled brat who did not know hardship, but you’re tough. How do you feel about working for me from now on? You could even be my live-in personal assistant if you’re lucky,” Burton suggested like an idiot while being protected by a literal child. “Thank you very much for the offer! I will make sure to keep that in mind if I ever find myself homeless,” said the princess, an even bigger idiot, as she easily slaughtered a massive tree monster—an Elder Treant—with a very expensive-looking sword. The country would be in ruins before Iris would ever be homeless. “Psst. Megumin. What if we killed this guy and made it look like an accident? I bet we might be able to get away with it if we told Claire what he just said. I think it’s important we protect our friends from bad people like him.” “Could you not say that with a straight face? You’re scaring me… Besides, I’m sure he’d get the death penalty if we just told Claire what he said.” Contrary to our whispers, Burton and Iris sounded like they were having the time of their lives in front of the treant’s body. “Is that so?! Perfect. Allow me to teach you biology, then, as a possible future candidate for my assistant position! Elder Treants’ branches make great firewood. Drinking tea boiled in a pot over it can make you feel like you’re on top of the world, so I recommend taking a few branches for yourself.” “That’s so interesting! I should bring back a few for Claire and Lain.” Yunyun promptly dashed forward and punched Burton in the face. After a long journey, we eventually arrived at the swamp in the depths of the forest. “Scholar Yunyun, my dear, please use your ice magic on that Scarosaurus!” “I-ice magic?! Okay! This is the first time you’ve ever given any decent advice, but I’ll give it a try! Freeze Gust!” A white frost covered the Scarosaurus’s bull-size reptilian body, and… “That didn’t slow it down at all! Burton!” The monster let out an ear-piercing roar, as if it had grown even stronger. “That’s because the Scarosaurus is immune to ice magic! But that doesn’t matter! Look! Its scales are turning a brilliant azure! Why? Because it’s absorbing your magic and turning it into its own! Look how beautiful and vivid its colors are!” “Wow, Burton! It really is a beautiful blue!” “Burton?! How stupid are you?! Please stop making things worse than they already are! And, Iris, stop encouraging him!” Burton pushed up his glasses before lashing out at Yunyun for insulting him. “How dare you call me stupid! I am a wildlife biologist! Listen, if you kill this monster after changing its scales to blue, they will remain blue. They go for double on the market like this.” “Professor Burton, do you know about any other materials we could sell like this? If you want, I wouldn’t mind calling you Daddy for the rest of this quest if you tell me.” “Megumin?! What is wrong with you?! You don’t need the money anymore!” Yunyun shouted while getting ready to cast another spell. All of a sudden, Iris, who was guarding Burton, started to look around. “Everyone, wait. The monsters and animals are completely silent. Something’s coming.” It was really quiet, now that she mentioned it. Iris, who wasn’t even fazed by the Scarosaurus, wore a serious expression for the first time today. Not even a second went by before the Scarosaurus standing before us suddenly let out a whimper and vanished. Everything around us transformed in the blink of an eye. It had awakened. “That’s it! That’s the monster!” What we thought was simply part of the scenery was a body covered in moss. It was clearly a creature that had evolved to blend into its surroundings. The copious amount of moss covering its body was simply due to the fact that it had lived in this swamp for ages. “You didn’t tell me it was this big! I thought it was going to be like a high-level Giant Toad, but that’s a high-bounty target!” The colossal frog, which this self-proclaimed biologist (aka nutjob) had decided to call the King Toad for some reason, was… “I’ll take the front! You cast magic from the rear!” It was essentially as big as our mansion. The King Toad looked down at Iris with the Scarosaurus’s tail poking out of the corner of its mouth. “I can’t believe it’s this big! As a biologist, I would love to be swallowed by it, but I’d prefer not to die! I have no choice but to dispel the thought. Unless…!” “We are in trouble right now, if you haven’t noticed, so I would prefer it if you would stop acting like the Crusader in my party! Iris, make sure you do not get stepped on! Yunyun, I am counting on your ice magic! Frogs should be weak to the cold!” I shoved the restless madman out of the way while giving orders. “Hey, are you sure it’s weak to ice magic?! I mean, Burton just tricked me a few minutes ago!” “Heh. Wouldn’t you like to know? That Scarosaurus also lived in this swamp, but it was strong to ice magic. Do you think the King Toad could possibly be strong to ice magic, too? If you want a hint, you’d better start calling me Professor Burton and—” “Professor Burton, allow me to teach you about the Crimson Magic Clan’s biology. We are very short-tempered as a whole, and we are also extremely aggressive and relentless.” “King Toads are weak to ice! It should slow it down, so all you need to do is use lightning magic afterward to defeat it!” Yunyun began casting a spell while Burton was giving in to my threat… “Exterion!” …until Iris suddenly swung her sword as if to counter the King Toad’s swiftly extending tongue. The slash roared as it severed the beast’s tongue, but…! “The King Toad has amazing regeneration capabilities! It can recover from a small injury such as that in a matter of seconds! You can read all about it in the issue of Professor Burton’s Biology for Dopes from two years ago, so be sure to pick up a copy if—” “Stop selling! Iris, um…! Do you have any stronger moves you can use?! You know, like the one you used to defeat that dragon! I think now is probably a good time to unleash your true powers!” Iris frowned at my suggestion with a troubled gaze. “I’m sorry. I wish I could, but I cannot use that move without the Belzerg family heirloom, the holy sword…” “Why don’t you have it on you, today of all days?! You should carry it with you at all times!” “B-because the sword’s grip smells bad! It has been passed down in my family for generations!” “Megumin! Iris! This is no time to be arguing!” I turned my gaze back to the frog, only to realize that its severed tongue was beginning to regenerate! “Yunyun, we need to get out of here! Cast Teleport! That thing is just too big! We can come back some other time!” “O-o-okay!” “Exterion! Exterion!” Iris relentlessly attacked, keeping the frog back while buying Yunyun some time as she prepared to cast Teleport. Invisible strikes soared through the air, slicing into the frog’s body, but it was as if the frog didn’t feel pain. Perhaps it was simply tough due to its immense size? The King Toad did not even attempt to move until it stuck out its regenerated tongue. “W-wait! What do you mean, ‘come back some other time’?! Are you saying you’re not going to defeat it today?!” What was wrong with him?! “This is no time to be complaining about that! We either get out of here, or we’re going to be that thing’s dinner!” “But what about my date with Barbera?!” “Which is more important: your life or a date with some woman from the pub?! Come on—I am sure she says the same thing to all the other customers anyway!” I didn’t care about some middle-aged man being taken for a fool right now. What I was worried about was something happening to Iris. While I doubted the frog could defeat her, I was positive I would get the death penalty if I brought the princess back covered in slime. I anxiously waited for Yunyun to finish casting the spell. There was no way I was going to die because of something so ridiculous. “Oh… Well, I appreciate you all helping me as much as you did, especially since the Guild wouldn’t even take the job. Besides, I had no idea the King Toad would be this big. Defeating it wouldn’t be easy, huh…?” Iris seemed to be concerned that Burton was depressed, contrary to his usual arrogant self. Since the ill-mannered professor was dispirited for a change, Iris concernedly asked: “Is she really that important to you, Burton?” Iris glanced at him with her sword still in stance for battle. “Yes, I’ve been trying to get her to go out with me for ages. She was my childhood friend, she took over her family’s debt-ridden pub, and she works incredibly hard every day of the year. She goes out with all the other customers and lets them pamper her with money and gifts, yet she has been stubbornly turning me down for years for some reason.” …He’s hopeless. “But I know why she keeps turning down my advances. She probably only sees me as a little brother, since we grew up together. That’s why she said she’d go out with me if it’s sunny tomorrow, because she knows the rain never stops during the rainy season. But even if there’s a small glimmer of hope we could go out tomorrow, I…” There was no way I could not help after hearing all that. “It looks like she’s ready to cast Teleport. Yunyun, wait until I give you my signal. Iris, stand next to me and guard me while I cast a spell.” “Wait! If you use Explosion on that frog…!” Yes, there was a reason why I was hesitant to use Explosion on such big game. “You don’t need to worry about me, boss. Claire will cover for you if I end up getting frog juice all over me,” said Iris with a smile, as if she knew what I was worried about. “Very well. Let our first adventure together go out with a bang—and covered in frog juice! Now that I think about it, I was covered in frog slime during my first adventure with Kazuma and Aqua, too! Anyway, let’s blow this thing up, go home, and take a bath!” “I’m fine with taking a bath together, but please don’t compare our bodies and get mad at me again, okay? …Ouch! Stop throwing rocks at me and cast the spell!” shouted Yunyun while still ready to cast Teleport at any time. “Can you really defeat it?” muttered Burton in a daze, so I decided to let my spell do the talking. While I began casting Explosion, the King Toad extended its tongue to attack Iris a few times, but it soon learned that sticking its tongue out would result in a severed appendage, so it lowered its stance as if to charge its next attack.
Chapter 20
41 min read