“What’s wrong, Siraiya? Your face is red. If you’re already drunk, I might have to start going easy on you,” Prince Adelberd teased.
I’d only grown warm from thinking about Cynthia, but if he was willing to hold off on our game now, then there was no reason to refuse.
“Never have I ever embraced my fiancée.”
Despite the offer to go easy on me, Prince Adelberd used his turn to state something I had experienced. I reached for the bottle and poured my next drink.
“What…? Wait, I just said I’ve never embraced my fiancée.” With a look of disbelief, he confirmed that I’d understood him correctly.
“Big Brother, this man put his arms around Lady Cynthia in the hallway yesterday. He’s completely shameless.”
I couldn’t remember having excessive physical contact with Cynthia around Prince Adelberd, now that I thought of it. We were always too focused on behaving appropriately around a member of the royal family.
Prince Rutherford just happened to spot us together yesterday by chance.
“Cynthia often embraces me, so I’ve gotten used to it over time. It’s wonderful to hug the person you love.” I let myself brag a little, both to boast of my lover and to keep Prince Rutherford in check. Then I downed my drink.
Prince Rutherford’s face contorted with obvious jealousy. Now I understood why Prince Adelberd enjoyed teasing him so much.
“…Outside of escorting her at parties, I’ve never once held hands with my fiancée.”
Just as I was about to set my empty glass down, for some reason, Prince Adelberd poured me more rum as he spoke.
“…Um, isn’t it my turn?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Just drink.”
What’s going on? I finished off the drink as demanded, only for His Royal Highness to pour me another drink.
“Never have I ever gone on a trip with just my fiancée.”
Well, I haven’t technically succeeded at that one yet either. But with Prince Adelberd staring at me, I caved to the pressure and finished off my glass.
“Don’t tell me… You haven’t ever…slept in the same bed as Lady Cynthia, have you?”
His Royal Highness tightened his grip on the bottle, apparently imagining something horrifying. The pale-faced Prince Rutherford leaned forward and cried out, “It can’t be!”
“…No, not how you’re imagining, of course. But Cynthia did lie down in bed with me when I was recovering at the Rhuddlan manor. It was only meant to comfort me.”
I answered honestly before I even realized what I was saying. Maybe I really was drunk already. Once the prince poured me another drink, I realized my honesty hadn’t even gotten me out of this situation.
“Damn it…! If I’d only met Lady Cynthia first…!”
But seeing Prince Rutherford so stricken with regret evaporated my worries, so I polished off the next glass, too.
“I’d thought of you as a simple-minded man, yet you’ve already gone that far in your relationship? I’m sure you’ve kissed her, too. I just didn’t want to think of myself as being less experienced than you.” Prince Adelberd tried to pour me another drink, but I quickly pulled my glass away and set the record straight.
“We haven’t gone that far!”
“You hug each other and lie in the same bed, but don’t kiss? I see…” He didn’t sound like he believed me. Prince Adelberd poured more rum into his own glass, but it was more than could be sipped down all at once.
He gulped down this larger drink, drawing concern from Prince Rutherford. “Are you all right, Big Brother? That might be too much at once…”
It was a strong liquor. I imagined it burned the throat to drink that much.
Once he’d swallowed the last drop, he slammed the glass down and said something out of character.
“I want Estellise and me to express our love too!”
He would never discuss something like this with us if he were sober. His Royal Highness kept his emotions to himself, but now I saw that he was capable of getting frustrated just like the rest of us.
“I understand why you would feel shy about it,” I said. “I used to think of Cynthia as a sacred being whom I was unworthy of touching. I still struggle with that to this day.”
I set my glass down on the tatami floor, cradled my knees to my chest, and opened up much more than I usually would. Now I see the power of alcohol on the human mind. I decided not to drink in front of Cynthia going forward, or else I might accidentally let all sorts of embarrassing things slip.
“Oh yeah? Then never touch her again.”
I ignored Prince Rutherford’s pout and continued to address Prince Adelberd. “It might be too hard to embrace her right away, but why don’t you start by holding hands? I don’t think Lady Gridimore would be opposed to it.”
“I guess…you’re right. But I don’t want Estellise to think I lack decorum.”
“Is that really how she would take it? You always conduct yourself properly in my eyes, so I don’t think Lady Gridimore could ever see you as someone who lacked good manners. Especially not over something as simple as holding hands.”
“No, I can’t. I’ve already failed once with Estellise. She won’t allow a second failure.”
“Failure…?”
When I asked that, Prince Adelberd crossed his arms and recounted a story from the past.
“A long time ago, I used to go by ‘Adel,’ while Rutherford preferred to be called ‘Ruthy.’”
“Big Brother! There’s no need to tell Siraiya that…!”
I didn’t know how long ago this was, but I could only imagine Prince Rutherford being a small child if he was going by “Ruthy.”
“Once Estellise and I were engaged, I asked her something to the effect of, ‘Is a girl like you good enough to marry the great Adel?’”
“…That’s awful.”
My response slipped out unintentionally, but Prince Adelberd scowled and told me I was right.
“Estellise was too shocked to speak. Then she even shed a few tears. Still, she was resolute, and she told me, ‘I promise to become a woman capable of supporting you.’ There aren’t enough words to explain how brave she was in that moment. She was shaken up, hearing something so cruel from a child, but she never let her manners slip. Instead, she laid forth that declaration to support someone as cold-hearted as I was acting, even as she cried. I boasted that I was to become the crown prince, but I couldn’t do something as simple as converse with her politely. It made me ashamed. It was the biggest failure of my life, and I can never allow anything like that to happen again.”
“I see… So that’s why you haven’t touched her outside of formal events ever since. You’re worried about being impolite,” I surmised.
“Exactly. No gentleman would dare touch a young lady without her permission. But…it’s not as if I don’t want to touch her. I long to feel the love we share through physical contact…”
His voice was barely a whisper by that last sentence, and his animal ears drooped sadly. Prince Adelberd had been worried about revealing his emotions through his tail, but his ears seemed to be just as expressive.
I empathized, sensing how strong his feelings for his fiancée were. There was something I needed to say to him.
“Why don’t you ask Lady Gridimore how she feels?”
“But what if she rejects me…?”
“That’s not what matters. The most important part is that you’re making an effort to understand your partner’s preferences.”
“Wow, Siraiya. You’re actually pretty strong sometimes, aren’t you?”
“No… I’m not the strong one…” I trailed off and clutched my chest as it grew warm with memories of Cynthia’s bravery. “That’s what Cynthia does for me. She tells me she wants to kiss me, but I’m always unreasonable and insist that we wait until our wedding ceremony. There was once a time that I couldn’t even say no to my family, but when I refuse something now, Cynthia always respects it. I’m sure Lady Gridimore felt that same respect when you denied her in the past.”
“…You’re right. If I’m too scared to approach her, I don’t give her a chance to say no. I should learn how to respect a ‘no’ from Estellise, even if I feel embarrassed hearing it.” Prince Adelberd sighed, relieved of his burden. “I’ll speak with Estellise tomorrow.”
The crown prince was in high spirits. On the other hand, his brother was just as pale in the face as before.
“I’m jealous that Cynthia loves you. If she loved me…I wouldn’t have made those mistakes…”
Mistakes? What mistakes?
I didn’t know what he was talking about, but before I could ask, Prince Rutherford went back to his futon and pulled the covers over his head.