Bonus Story:
I Ended Up Being Kind to the Girl I Hate Most in Class
TONIGHT, HIS WIFE SEEMED DIFFERENT THAN usual.
Saito was reading a book in bed when his wife Akane, fresh out of the bath, entered the bedroom. Her cheeks were flushed a soft pink, and she knelt beside him on the mattress, which creaked under her weight.
“Sorry to keep you waiting. I’ve been dying to sleep with you tonight, Saito,” she said.
“Me too, yeah, I’m dying to sleep with you too, Akane—wait, what the hell are you saying?!” Saito exclaimed. He couldn’t believe his ears—he thought she just said she’d been looking forward to sharing a bed with him.
Akane smiled. “What? I’m just being honest. When I’m snuggled up in bed with you, Saito, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“Are you okay?! Did you eat something weird?!”
“Nope, I didn’t eat anything weird. Oh…except, maybe I ate up all of your affection, honey,” answered Akane with a wink as she shyly covered her face with both hands.
“‘Your affection’?! ‘Honey’?! Has there been a serious error in your language processing function?! Reboot! RE-BOOT!”
Saito patted Akane’s head like he was an old man hitting a busted TV. Akane put her hands to her head, then looked up at him with upturned eyes. “Oh, honey… When you pat my head like that, it turns me on…”
“PEMDAS! Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally!” said Saito, beginning his chant. “FOIL! First, Outer, Inner, Last! SOHCAHTOA! Sine, Opposite, Hypotenuse, Cosine, Adjacent, Hypotenuse, Tangent, Opposite, Adjacent!”
A critical error had occurred in Saito’s information-processing function.
“Shut up and give me your arm,” coaxed Akane sweetly.
“…Are you going to brand me or something? That’d be so you, Akane.”
“What are you talking about? You always give me your arm to sleep on, right, honey?” said Akane, snuggling up to him.
“I absolutely do not do that! Who do you think I am? More importantly, who are you? Who took over the real Akane?”
“I am Akane. Your wife! Your! Wife!”
Saito was in utter disbelief to hear those words coming from Akane’s mouth. He seriously began to wonder who the girl in front of him really was. He scanned her head in search of possible extraterrestrial antennae, but he found no such things.
Akane closed her eyes contentedly and shifted slightly. “Hun…if you keep petting me like that, I’ll start to get…frisky…” she moaned.
“F-frisky…?”
“I get it now. You were making such a fuss tonight because you didn’t want to go to sleep right away. You should’ve just told me,” said Akane, beginning to unbutton her pajamas.
Akane’s glowing sacred cleavage appeared before Saito, as if to suck his whole soul in, and he hastily grabbed her hands to stop her. “Wait! Let’s not rush into anything!”
Akane looked up at him, puzzled. “I’m not rushing. Since we’re married, it’s a matter of course that we do some baby-making tonight, right?”
“It’s not a matter of course for us!” said Saito firmly.
“…I’m sorry. I got ahead of myself,” said Akane, pulling her hands away from the buttons.
Saito let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks…”
“You wanted to undress me yourself, right, Saito?”
“I did not!” Saito shouted, but his words fell on deaf ears.
Akane lay down on the bed in a lascivious pose. Her flushed face held a shy smile as she reached both arms out toward Saito invitingly.
“Please…be gentle with me…” Akane whispered sweetly.
“This is wrong…this has to be a dream…”
Saito let himself be pulled toward her, now leaning over her body.
Morning light streamed into the bedroom while birds chirped outside.
I knew it, it was a dream!
Saito had woken up and was now sitting in bed with his head in his hands. Of all people, why did he have that kind of wet dream about the girl he hated most in class?
Do I actually want to do something like that with Akane? Was that a dream showing hidden desires? Did I just sexually objectify her in my imagination? A wave of mysterious guilt and embarrassment burned through his whole body.
“Hun… Saito… Good morning…” Next to him, Akane woke up. Still hazy from sleep, she smiled innocently at Saito—adorably, even.
So adorable. That just made Saito feel even guiltier, and he couldn’t bear it.
With a face twitching like a rusty tin robot, Saito raised a stiff hand. “G-good morning, Akane-san. The weather’s great today, huh?”
“‘Akane-san’?! What’s with you all of a sudden?!” Akane looked at him wide-eyed.
Saito gently lifted the blanket and covered her with it. “It’s nothing, ma’am. I’ll make us breakfast, so you should relax in bed a bit longer. I shall take care of the trash and washing the dishes too.”
“You’ve been speaking very politely. Why are you suddenly being so nice? Did you eat something weird?” Akane was clearly suspicious.
“Nope, I didn’t eat anything weird. You just stay here, don’t worry.”
Saito rushed out of the bedroom. He couldn’t look Akane in the eye; even being in the same space was unbearable.
Akane immediately chased after him. “You’re being shady! You’re planning to poison my breakfast, aren’t you?”
“I’m not you, Akane! Poisoning isn’t really my style!”
“I’ve never put poison in anything—yet!” exclaimed Akane.
“Yet? So you’re planning to in the future?!”
Still arguing, the two raced into the living room. They glared at each other from across the table.
“There’s no doubt something’s wrong—you have something to hide. You’ve got such a guilty-looking face!”
“N-no, I don’t feel guilty at all!”
She’s sharp, thought Saito, secretly sweating.
Akane suddenly covered her mouth with her hand and gasped. “Don’t tell me you robbed a bank while I was asleep?” questioned Akane.
“If you’re about to cook breakfast like a normal person assuming that’s true, that’s pretty savage!”
“I-I have to report you… I don’t have any proof, but…”
“Without proof, it’s a false report!” said Saito. “Don’t waste the police’s time!”
Akane dashed toward the phone, but Saito jumped in her way. She folded her arms, thinking hard.
“For Saito to be this flustered…it must be something really serious. Something that would make Saito feel guilty, something that would make me mad… I got it!”
Saito swallowed nervously. “Wh-what is it…”
If she ever found out that he had a dream about having a night of marital intimacy with Akane, it’d be the end. Sure, they were technically married—but that wasn’t the point. If she knew he thought of her that way, even subconsciously, she’d be furious. She might start avoiding him—or worse, realize she had the upper hand and start using it to her advantage. Either way, it’d be a disaster.
“Your crime is…this! You ate all my strawberry pudding, didn’t you?!”
Akane flung open the fridge door with a flourish. The strawberry pudding sat untouched. It rested elegantly on the fridge shelf, whipped cream and strawberries adorning its pink base.
Akane was stunned. “This…isn’t it? What kind of mortal sin could be greater than stealing my strawberry pudding?”
“Uh…plenty of things…”
“I didn’t buy strawberry shortcake. I already ate the strawberry cream puffs last night. I just can’t think of anything else…” said Akane.
“Is your brain just one big strawberry field or something?” Saito was secretly relieved to learn Akane was surprisingly bad at guessing.
Akane, still fuming, grabbed ahold of him. “This is driving me crazy! What did you do? What are you plotting? Spit it out already!”
“W-wait—”
Akane lunged at Saito and the two began to wrestle. Trying to calm her down, Saito grabbed both her wrists and pinned her against the table to stop her from flailing. They were both panting by the time he got her under control. Akane’s cheeks were flushed, her chest rising and falling with each breath.
“I-it’s still…morning…and we’re already being…physical…” Akane’s moist lips trembled as she spoke in a shaky voice.
“…!” The position—the expression—it was exactly like the dream Saito had. The moment flashed back into Saito’s mind. His blood boiled red, and his guilt hit its peak.
“I—I am so terribly sorry!” Saito shouted. He slammed his hands on the table and bowed his head with all his strength.
“Huh? What? Why are you apologizing?! I don’t get it, but… I won! I beat Saito!”
Akane, confused but delighted, patted Saito’s head over and over in celebration.