Sometime after coming back from our trip, I started feeling that something about my body was off.
What’s wrong with me? I thought. While Parfeil was fussing over me, I dragged myself out of bed.
Today, my mother was visiting. Upon seeing me, she remarked that I had put on some weight.
“I just came back from a trip, so I might have eaten too many tasty things over there. But now, it’s like I have no appetite at all,” I told her.
“Mille-Feuille, are you pregnant?”
My mother’s words sent a jolt through me. When I thought about it, I realized I’d been unable to stomach strong scents lately. I’d also been unable to eat sour foods, and I felt sleepy all the time. The signs had been everywhere.
“Call a doctor! If you feel sick, then you should have yourself checked out!” my mother urged.
“Y-Yes, I will!”
And so, I had an urgent appointment with a doctor to have myself examined. The result? The doctor found that I was carrying a child.
“I feel like an idiot,” I grumbled. “I thought I was just tired from my trip and from eating too much.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s your first time, after all.”
I hadn’t been a mother in my previous life. I couldn’t imagine myself being one. When I had been told that I was pregnant, I understood how Van had felt when I’d hugged him during our trip—frozen with shock, confusion, and elation all at the same time. But now, my heart was filled with nothing but happiness.
My body is no longer just my own. What a mysterious feeling.
From now on, I had to take a step forward as a mother, with all the responsibilities that it entailed.
Just as I was steeling myself for this new phase in my life, my mother said something that caught me off guard. “I’ll be staying by your side until the baby is born, okay?”
“What?! I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry about me,” I told her.
“Really now? Just where are you finding all that confidence when moments ago you simply thought that you were sick?”
I had no retort for that. Parfeil could only silently comfort me.
That night, I let Van know that I had something important to tell him and that he should make some time tonight. Upon arriving, Van looked pale and nervous. Sweat dripped from his forehead.
He sat in front of me and started talking, his voice trembling. “Mille-Feuille, just so you know, I don’t want to divorce you.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t want to di...” he started to repeat and then stopped. “Never mind. I’m too scared to say that word again.”
“Van, what are you talking about?”
“Calling your husband over, saying that you have something to talk about? I can’t think of anything except di... That.”
Van looked like he was about to cry. I wondered why he would even think that. Then, I remembered that I hadn’t been seeing Van much lately because I’d felt ill. We had been sleeping in separate rooms, and there must’ve been days when I hadn’t talked to him at all. I hadn’t told him that I was feeling sick so as not to worry him, but that turned out to have backfired.
“Van, I’m so sorry. It’s not bad news,” I began. “Actually, it’s really, really good news.”
“So, it’s not di—that?”
“It’s not.”
Upon hearing that, Van promptly stood up and gently sat right next to me.
“I’ve been feeling sick the past few days, and I’ve been sleeping in a lot more. I’m sure I worried you a lot. I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s fine,” he told me. “I was just assuming the worst. I’m also sorry for not noticing that you were feeling under the weather.”
I hadn’t been showing my face to him at all, so it was only natural that he wouldn’t have noticed. I told him that neither of us were at fault.
“Anyway, about the news...” I started. Van stared at me hard enough that he might have bored a hole through me as he waited for me to continue. “I’m pregnant with our child.”
The moment I broke the news, Van looked up at the ceiling and tears started streaming down his face. He said nothing. As his wife, I knew that those were tears of joy. I’d thought that he would jump up and down in joy, but I hadn’t expected him to celebrate so quietly.