After she closed the door behind her, she waited for the click of the lock being set behind before she squatted down in the hallway and buried her head in her arms. Her heart beat so loud that she was genuinely worried the noise might leak through the wall.
“Asahi, you bully... making me say the first couple of letters was so unfair...” she whispered to herself, her face flushed red.
Since when had those various swirls of emotions united under the definition of a single, four-letter word?
Fuyuka remembered the first time she’d seen Asahi—it was when he’d just moved in next to her. She’d observed him caught between two adults with strikingly contrasting personalities. One was a large, boisterous man, and the other was a quiet, composed woman.
After she’d returned to her apartment, she stared blankly at the large, empty room. The loneliness within her began to grow.
I’m so jealous of his happy family, she’d admitted to herself.
Before long, Asahi, planning to introduce himself to his new neighbor, paid her a visit.
Unfortunately for him, he’d been promptly warded off by Fuyuka’s cold demeanor.
“The Ice Queen” had kept to herself, refusing to involve herself with her new neighbor in the slightest. She spent her time alone.
Of course, it was only a matter of time before that all changed.
It had happened so suddenly, too... I suppose that’s what I get for not eating properly. Still, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary back then. I thought I could handle a small fever on my own.
“You okay?” Fuyuka remembered his words.
Despite her clouded mind, she’d distinctly heard the clear voice and, recognizing that it belonged to her neighbor, promptly put up her frosty walls.
I didn’t want to get hurt by anyone ever again.
At the time, Fuyuka had closed her heart away, refusing to trust anyone.
“Would it have been better if I left you, passed out, in the middle of the hallway? Would you have preferred that?” Asahi’s firmly spoken words sprang to her mind.
It had been quite the emergency. And while Fuyuka had had her fair share of reservations about being carried into a guy’s room alone, those suspicions had been quelled by Asahi’s meddlesome, selfless nature.
Without being given a chance to object, she’d been nursed through her illness and even treated to a warm meal. The nostalgic taste had caused tears to well up and drip down her cheeks, unbidden.
The burden she bore, both physical and mental, was significant, yet she despised herself for being weak. Despite that, she knew deep down that she would eventually become overwhelmed, and she’d be unable to stop herself from yearning for a genuine connection with another person.
And so two conflicting desires had raged within her—her wish to be left alone versus the need to repay Asahi’s kindness. Being indebted to someone caused her profound unease. After much back-and-forth, they’d settled on Fuyuka helping him with his studies.
She thought they’d soon be even, and that she’d be able to go back to her previous life. It was then that the constant grumbling of her stomach had foiled her plans.
Fuyuka had reluctantly ended up accepting his invitation to join him for some homemade curry. She’d found herself inadvertently engaging in small talk with him, which was how he’d deduced the fact she had lackluster culinary skills.
Fuyuka even remembered smiling when hearing Asahi’s encouraging speech about how it didn’t matter if she wasn’t able to cook properly or not.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d smiled in front of anyone back then.
And, by the time Fuyuka had realized her lapse, it had already been too late to shift back to her frigid countenance.
I just let my guard down around him, for some reason.
The conversations she’d had with Asahi warmed her, and she—for the briefest of moments—had related that happiness to the one she’d felt when she’d still had her mother. Regardless of how many times she’d warned herself that she shouldn’t—no, that she mustn’t—desire more from their relationship, Asahi had continued to offer her a helping hand whenever she’d needed it.
“Just be sure to not lose it again, especially considering how much you care about it.”
Asahi’s admonishment rang in her head again. She remembered staring fixedly at the boy before her, her prized ribbon in his hand. That had been when Fuyuka had finally acknowledged the feelings she’d ignored and had tried to hold at bay for so long.
I think that was when I began to notice him.
Her neighbor, whom she hadn’t considered even a friend at that point, was the first person to offer a glimmer of hope to her dark soul. Following various and unforeseen mishaps, Asahi had ended up tutoring her on cooking. That, of course, had marked the start of the rather roundabout route they’d taken to becoming actual friends.
Following that, they’d spent a lot of time together. Asahi had invited her to Soleil Levant, asked her to welcome the new years together at his apartment, and joined her for the first shrine visit of the year.
Through it all, Fuyuka had acquired new friends, changed her outlook on life, and been provided with the opportunity to become more familiar with Asahi. The more she had, the more she’d become attracted to him.
I’m head over heels for him. I love him so much.
“‘I won’t leave you,’ huh?” she parroted his words, jumping onto her bed and burying her face deep into the pillow.
The impulse proved too strong to withstand, and she soon found herself kicking against the mattress with her legs. Although Fuyuka still couldn’t muster the courage to confess, she’d allowed her true feelings out of their ice-cold cage; she’d let someone get truly close to her.
I like our current relationship, and he said that he'll always be by my side. We can take it at our own pace... as friends. There’s no need to rush anything.
Still, Fuyuka was determined to eventually confront the feelings she harbored for Asahi—the first she’d ever developed for anyone.