She was getting into the time period that Asahi had known her, but all the new information she’d just provided was making him rethink that. He wondered just how much Fuyuka had been suffering in the time he’d known her. He couldn’t even begin to imagine... and even if he could, what exactly could he have done to help her?
Her voice grew warmer as she continued, “But then I met you. You were there for me when I caught a cold, when I was hungry, and when I lost my ribbon... I thought that I’d be able to push you away, just like I was able to do with everyone else, but your warmth reached me. I wanted to take the hand you offered me.”
“I’m not good at minding my own business...”
“And I’m so grateful for that. Because of you, I learned how important connecting with others is. You gave me the courage to do that. That’s why I’m scared. Now people can leave me again. I don’t want that...”
Each word pierced Asahi’s chest like a spear, and he saw a single tear trickle down her cheek. That reminded him that he’d seen Fuyuka cry once before. He hadn’t known what she’d meant when she’d said “This dish brings back memories...” back then, but he did now.
She’d seen her mother in him when he’d cooked for her. The warmth she’d been trying to avoid for years had once again appeared in front of her, and it had brought her to tears. And now she was choosing to bare her emotions in front of him.
Asahi didn’t want her to cry; he didn’t want to upset her. He looked at the frail girl in front of him, who looked like she’d crumble in a light breeze, and all he wanted was for her to smile.
That was why he simply said the first thing that came to mind—without a single thought about the consequences. “I won’t leave you.”
There was a hint of falsehood in his words, but they managed to find their mark regardless. Fuyuka’s expression changed, and her caramel-colored eyes brightened for a fleeting moment before her face fell once again. The warmth that had started to fill the room was snuffed out in an instant.
Asahi didn’t let this dissuade him, though. “You said you wanted to change, right?”
“Yes...”
“And look, there’re so many people who want to get to know you now—Hinami, Chiaki, our classmates, even my parents. You know that, right?”
“Yes...”
Asahi felt that she’d reached some kind of limit, one that prevented her from going any further at the moment. Yet he knew in his heart that she’d heard and felt his words. She’d made that first step out into the unknown, and it had frightened her so much that she retreated back into the cold depths she had grown familiar with.
Still, that step—no matter how small—had been real, a sign of progress.
“You’re right that there’ll be people who come and go. Things change—classes, schools, our paths in life...” he said.
It was the cruel truth—although a person could make hundreds of friends in their lifetime, only a small handful of them would carry through onto one’s adulthood and beyond. Despite that fact, that inevitable parting, humans craved relationships. And, for this fragile girl, even the most trivial of partings would split old wounds wide open.
Asahi wanted to do anything in his power to soothe those wounds.
He faced her head-on as he swore his oath. “So I promise that, at the very least, I won’t leave you.”
He needed her to know that, even if everyone else left her, he’d always be there by her side. He needed her to believe that he’d always be there to support and to help her. He extended his warm hand once again.
“Even when we graduate?”
“We live next to each other. It won’t make much of a difference.”
“What if you move?”
“I’ll call you. It’s the twenty-first century.”
“What if you don’t like me anymore?”
“That won’t happen.” His resolve hardened as he spoke.
“So you promise... Promise to never, ever leave me?”
“I promise. Well, I guess if you ever want me to leave, I’ll have no choice. But you know...”
“That won’t happen.”
“Great, then don’t worry at all. I’ll always be with you. I promise.”
Even if he were to move away and change schools, their companionship would never end as long as she still desired it.
They both knew it wasn’t a promise to be made lightly, but the fact that they made it anyway was proof of their trust in each other... and perhaps proof of something even more.
“That makes me... So happy...”
Her voice was packed with so much emotion that Asahi couldn’t parse it all. All he knew was that he loved to see her smile.
“It’s been tough for you, hasn’t it? And you’ve been all alone...” he murmured.
Before he knew what he was doing, he found his hand reaching out toward Fuyuka, placing itself on top of her head, and caressing it lightly.
He didn’t know what he was doing; he simply wanted to help her feel better. He didn’t see it as a meaningful action, but Fuyuka’s body shook under his touch.
“You’re treating me like a baby...”
“Sorry... I didn’t mean it like that...”
“Why are you stopping?”
“You want me to, right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Asahi’s right hand hovered in the air while he wondered what to do. Before he could decide, two small hands reached up and pulled his back toward her head.
“I’d like to stay like this for a while... If that’s okay,” she murmured.
He answered her request and began to gently run his fingers through her beautiful black hair.
“Can I say one last thing?” Asahi asked, albeit he had no intention of waiting for an answer. “Obviously, I don’t know all the details, but one thing’s for sure—it wasn’t your fault your mother died, Fuyuka. From what you’ve said, I can tell that she loved you from the bottom of her heart. That’s the truth.”
For some time after that, the sound of crying could be heard throughout the room. All of the emotions that Fuyuka had bottled up inside finally burst forth. He could feel her shaking through his hand and the dampness of her tears falling onto his knee.
He watched over her silently, determined that—no matter what happened—his hand would not leave her head.
✦ ✦ ✦
＊
“You feeling any better now?” he asked.
“Yes, but please don’t look at me...”
“What’s the problem?”
“I don’t want you, of all people, to see me like this...”
Asahi wondered where he was supposed to be looking then. He ended up glancing at her by accident and noticed that her already red face had grown a shade darker.
At any rate, he was just glad she wasn’t crying anymore.
“Can we continue our conversation?” Fuyuka asked. She wiped her tears and began to speak again, “A few days ago, it was the anniversary of my mother’s death. I visited her grave, and—for the first time in a long while—I saw my father. He didn’t even look at me. That’s what made me start thinking about the past.”
“And that’s why you were off school, I’m guessing?”
“I just got so scared. I couldn’t face the idea of you leaving me, so I couldn’t see you...” The shadow returned to Fuyuka’s eyes for a fleeting moment before she brightened up again. Her relief shone through in a small smile. “But I don’t feel that way anymore. It’s all thanks to you, Asahi.”
He knew that claiming to remain by someone’s side was a lie that was all too common in poorly made promises, he meant what he’d said. In the short span of their relationship, a strong sense of trust had formed between the two.
“I know I’ve said it several times before, but I really am glad I met you, Asahi.”
When Asahi saw her beaming smile, something finally clicked into place inside his head. Well, it was more that he finally decided to let it click after a period of ignoring it and trying to fool himself. He’d left his feelings unchecked for so long that they threatened to boil over at that very moment.
When he looked at Fuyuka, he experienced a strange feeling.
It also occurred when he thought about how beautiful she was.
It also occurred when he thought about how wonderful she was.
It also occurred when he thought about how cute she was.
And so, he finally came to a realization—he knew the name of the enigmatic emotion.
He was in love with her.
After that thought had passed through his mind, the world somehow seemed brighter and more vivid.
“Asahi, are you blushing?”
“Uh, no. Are you?”
“Um, n-no, I’m not...”
In an attempt to ignore the embarrassment, he returned to stroking her head. Fuyuka accepted gladly.
“When you do this, I feel all warm and fuzzy,” she said.
“What’s up with that?”
“I’m trying to say it calms me down.”
“Oh, cool. Let me know whenever you want me to do it, then.”
“Thank you...”
Warmth. The Ice Queen had thawed and melted away, never to return.