“A peaceful world sounds great.”
“Doesn’t it? Also, just between us, Heaven isn’t all that fun anyways. Naturally, deceased elders make up the majority of the population; there isn’t much in the way of amusement; the sun is always up, so it’s difficult to get good sleep; and everyone there is a good, virtuous person, so there’s hardly any excitement,” she said. For some reason, as she bad-mouthed Heaven, she was staring right at me with her piercing blue eyes. “So, what will you do? Will you live a thrilling, fun life in another world, or would you rather while away the days feigning interest in the long-winded stories of the old geezers in Heaven? I believe the choice is clear.”
“I’d like to go to Heaven, please.”
“Understood—reincarnation it is!”
“No, I said Heaven.”
“Reincarnation?”
“Heaven.”
“Re...incarnation?”
“Are there really two choices or are you just pretending?”
“No, no. A goddess like myself would never force you into anything. You are free to choose between Heaven and reincarnation.”
“Well, in that case, I choose Heaven.”
“So...reincarnation is all right, then?” she asked.
So there really was only one choice!
It was like when the boss says you can go home at the appointed time but then, the moment you get up to do so, makes a sarcastic comment so you end up staying late anyways! This situation was the same: there was an illusion of choice but only one real option existed.
“Why won’t you let me go to Heaven?” I asked.
The goddess awkwardly turned her eyes away. “Well, to be honest, it’s because that would bring the mistake I made to light. If my superior finds out, it could affect my assessment,” she said.
“So even goddesses have workplace assessments, huh?”
“We do. I’m completely off course for a promotion. And beyond that, the boss is my father, so I get scolded even in private,” she said, on the verge of tears. I couldn’t help but feel kind of sorry for her. Even so, Heaven’s lack of appeal didn’t exactly make me want to reincarnate instead. “Why do you hate the idea of reincarnation so much?” she asked.
“I guess it’s just that,” I said, searching for the words, “I don’t enjoy being alive anyways.”
In twenty-nine years of life, I had not even once found joy in living. I’d come from an apathetic father and a mother overly concerned with my education. As far back as I could remember, my mom had told me that if I studied hard and got into a good company, happiness would come of its own accord. I had received a so-called “gifted” education and had gone to cram school after my regular classes. I had no free time, wasn’t allowed to make friends, and wasn’t let anywhere near entertainment of any sort. I wasted my days doing nothing but studying. When it came time to pick a career, there wasn’t anything in particular that I wanted to do, so I chose something based on salary alone. I had harbored a faint hope that the happiness mom spoke of would come, but, in the end, nothing of the sort had appeared.
Back and forth between home and work—day after day had passed with nothing else to speak of. I’d tried to find hobbies, but nothing had caught my interest. On my days off, unable to think of anything else, I had done nothing but vacantly putter around the house. Not knowing what to do with the money I earned, I had just set it aside and let it accumulate.
Even if I could start life over from the beginning, as long as I retained the same memories and personality, I’d end up recreating the same dull succession of days. The prospect of reincarnating with an entirely new personality was somewhat promising, but that would be no different from death. Given a choice between death and Heaven, I had to pick the latter. I could accept an unexpected death, but a death of my own volition?
“In the next world, you could find something you enjoy and live a pleasurable life. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“It’s easy to say that, but I don’t think I could find something I enjoy. I’m the kind of person who simply isn’t interested in anything.”
“That’s only what you think. If you could look deep inside your heart, you could find what you truly love—something you just don’t know about yet,” the goddess said. She clapped her hands and smiled brightly. “Let’s conduct a psychological test, shall we? That way we can discover what passions lie deep within your unconscious mind!”
“But if I’m reincarnated from scratch, won’t all that be washed away anyways?”
“Don’t worry! You have my guarantee that your next life will be a happy and fulfilling one. That being said, if you genuinely don’t want to reincarnate, then how about transmigration?”
“What’s the difference?”
“With reincarnation, you’d start as a baby and do your whole life over again. With transmigration, you’d retain your original body and start a new life. That is to say, you’d have fewer years remaining. So, reincarnation or transmigration? Which would you prefer?”
Suddenly, Heaven had disappeared from the list of choices! I’d have to go with transmigration... When I told her, the goddess smiled sweetly.
“Well then, with that taken care of, let’s begin the psychological test!” Her voice was bubbly and cheerful, as if psychological tests genuinely excited her. The next moment, a pure-white presentation board appeared in the goddess’s hand. “In a moment, numerous letters will appear on this whiteboard. From those, the first three words that you see will become the things that are indispensable to your life—your passions,” she said.
So, for example, if the first thing I saw was “hot springs,” then that would mean that hot springs would become my new interest. Even if I didn’t particularly like hot springs, I could tell myself that I did, take a tour of several of them, and perhaps the day would come when the interest became genuine. I had been unable to find anything I cared about on my own. To be forcefully informed, “Actually, you like this!” might be just what I needed.
I still wanted to go to Heaven, but given the circumstances, transmigration was also viable. Thinking with uncharacteristic positivity, I watched the letters appear on the whiteboard. I stared intently and searched for words.
...
Collection.
The first word I found was “collection.”
I hadn’t been allowed to do anything fun as a child and had no hobbies or interests, so collection was a distant, unfamiliar concept. There wasn’t much I had ever wanted. I had just saved money and let the bland days pass me by. I’d seen television programs about people who gathered things like records, shoes, and figures—collectors, they were called. Unlike me, they always seemed to be leading fun lives. If “collection” was my word, then perhaps, by buying things at random, I could find out what I wanted and begin to lead a meaningful life as a collector.
...
Animal ears.
The next phrase I found was “animal ears.” Did that mean that I should get a pet? I wouldn’t exactly have called myself an animal lover, but I didn’t hate them either. I had never given it much thought before, but having a pet could both make a big difference in your lifestyle and facilitate new relationships. It was the kind of thing that could truly change your life.
Laser beam.
The final phrase I found was “laser beam.” I didn’t understand that one at all.