I had been taken by surprise, but now that it had come to this, my only choice was to tell him the truth. On top of that, I had to give him an honest apology and confess my love to him. With that decision in mind, I slowly nodded and as soon as I did so, Lord Phillip’s eyes widened in shock.
“So, ever since the beginning...”
“I’m sorry for lying to you in such a cruel way.”
Lord Phillip’s breath hitched. There was a pained expression on his face, as if he was watching the world crumble around him. My chest tightened at the sight. In the beginning, I had only wanted to break off an engagement that neither of us had been interested in. That had been my only goal.
I didn’t know that Lord Phillip had always been in love with me, nor could I have guessed that I would also end up falling for him. Lord Phillip stumbled backward a few steps and then walked toward the table near the entrance.
“Phil?”
Then, for some reason, Lord Phillip picked up the empty ice bucket from the table and placed it over his head.
None of us said a word. We all froze at the sight of Lord Phillip’s sudden strange behavior. Lord Phillip’s bizarre acts had surprised me multiple times in the past, but this time, he was truly incomprehensible. No matter how I racked my brain, I couldn’t think of a reason as to why he’d want to wear an ice bucket in this situation. Things had become so ludicrous that I felt myself slowly calm down from my panic earlier.
“Er, Phillip? Why’d you put that on your head?”
For a few minutes more, an indescribably awkward atmosphere filled the room but, as expected, Rex was the one to break the silence.
“I can’t look Viola in the eye...” Lord Phillip replied in a voice so quiet that I had to strain my ears to hear him. I would have never guessed that was the reason for the ice bucket.
Rex snorted loudly. “Hee, h-hold on a second... H-How’d you end up with a bucket on your head though? Man, Phillip, I love you.” Rex couldn’t contain his laughter. If he truly loved Phillip, then I wished he would stop him from embarrassing himself.
Yet, considering all of the lies Lord Phillip had told so far, I could understand why he couldn’t remain calm. If I were in his shoes, I’d also feel so embarrassed I’d want to die. But even so...
“Lord Phillip, I’m truly sorry. I’m begging you to listen to what I have to say.”
He jumped at the sound of my voice, and it looked like he hit his head against the bucket. A low banging noise rang out through the room.
“It’s fine... I’m truly sorry,” Phillip said.
“No, it’s not, I...”
“Though this dream didn’t last for very long, I was able to experience an entire lifetime’s worth of happiness.”
“S-Sorry, Phillip, but Vivi isn’t standing there.”
It looked like Lord Phillip had gotten turned around due to the bucket on his head because he was talking while facing a direction no one was standing in.
“I-I wanna help him instead of laughing at him, b-but I can’t breathe,” Rex wheezed, looking like he was in even more pain than before.
“You must’ve forced yourself to play along with my foolish and disgusting lies. You’ve always been such a kind person. I’m sorry.”
“Phil, please listen to me! I—”
But my words fell on deaf ears. Lord Phillip merely apologized again, then removed the bucket from his head. With it still in his arms, he left the room. I hurriedly chased after him but by the time I exited the room, he was already gone.
What should I do? Standing alone in the long hallway, I buried my face into my hands.
✦ ✦ ✦
A week later, I sat in a carriage headed toward House Lawrenson’s mansion. Ever since the truth came out, I hadn’t been in contact with Lord Phillip at all. I tried to write to him, but he never replied. As a result, I asked his little brother Cedric for help and was told to come visit the manor.
“Not even Phillip can remain calm after all that embarrassment but he’ll calm down in a few days. It’ll be fine! Besides, him never saying anything to you is part of the problem.”
That had been what Rex said to comfort me in the aftermath. I agreed that Lord Phillip could stand to talk more. If he had mentioned his issues with Princess Mirabel beforehand, then the misunderstanding wouldn’t have happened. But it was also true that I hadn’t put in any effort into getting to know him for the longest time. He wasn’t the only one at fault.
Incidentally, after Lord Phillip left the room, Lady Natalia looked completely lost, so Rex fed her a random story and she left with a confused look on her face. Considering what she had witnessed, I couldn’t blame her for such a reaction.
“Hello, Viola. Long time no see.”
“Lord Cedric, it’s been too long. I’m sorry for coming here out of the blue.”
“It’s fine. More importantly, I apologize for my brother’s behavior.”
When I eventually reached House Lawrenson’s mansion, I was quickly taken to the parlor, where I sat down across from Lord Cedric. Apparently after Lord Phillip had returned home, ice bucket in hand, he’d spent an entire week holed up in his room. I also heard that he hadn’t been eating well, which was quite worrisome.
“It’s all my fault...”
“I don’t know what happened, but in my opinion, my brother’s at fault too for avoiding you when you just want to talk to him.” After Lord Cedric said that, he let out a heavy sigh.
“Lord Cedric, Little Vio is done with her walk,” a maid said as she entered the room, Little Vio perched in the palm of her hand.
Hearing someone say “Little Vio” was rather bizarre, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
“Thank you,” Lord Cedric said.
“Where should I take her now?”
“Hmm. I can take her for now.” Upon hearing that, the maid gently placed Little Vio near Lord Cedric’s arm, and she energetically hopped over to her new perch.
“Hello, Little Vio,” I said.
“It’s over...”
“Huh?”
“Over...”
Little Vio wouldn’t stop muttering those words. It was definitely a trick of my mind, but she even looked a little upset.
“Even Little Vio’s been off her game, thanks to my brother. I heard she hadn’t been eating well either, so I’ve been taking care of her in my brother’s stead.”
My heart hurt upon hearing that even Little Vio was suffering due to my lies. I gently stroked her bright and small body, and then she said, “Want to disappear...” I felt like I was going to cry at the thought of Little Vio repeating Lord Phillip’s words and sentiments.
“In any case, I’m going to tell Phillip again of your arrival and ask him to come. Please wait right here.”
“All right... Thank you so much.”
With that, Lord Cedric placed Little Vio in the palm of my hand and then left the room. Alone with Little Vio, I gently pet her beautiful feathers and whispered another apology. I took out some bird feed from my bag and gave it to her. To my relief, she ate a little bit.
“To tell you the truth, I’m a little scared...”
I hadn’t been able to speak about these feelings, but since I felt a sort of innate connection with Little Vio, I didn’t mind exposing them to her. I was terrified of the idea that Lord Phillip hated me now. I thought about it carefully and realized that there was a chance he no longer wanted anything to do with me. Granted, at the time, it didn’t feel like that was the case.
But anyone would be hurt if they found out that their fiancée wanted to end an engagement so badly that she took advantage of an accident to pretend she had amnesia. I couldn’t blame him if he completely lost interest in me. The more I thought about it, the worse my thoughts began to spiral. This was always a bad habit of mine.
“If I was forcing myself to be with him, then I wouldn’t get jealous or buy matching necklaces...”
Tears started to roll down my cheeks, creating dark splotches on my dress. Lord Phillip didn’t understand anything at all. At the same time, I was made painfully aware of the fact that I had somehow fallen completely head over heels for him. Little Vio stared up at me with her big round eyes as I continued to cry.
“I’m truly hopeless...” she said in a quiet voice. Her words were as pessimistic as before, and hearing them made me feel terribly guilty. “It’s no use. I did my best countless times before.”
“Little Vio?”
What did she mean by “did my best”? I tilted my head to the side and she continued to speak.
“Viola truly is the one thing I can’t give up on.”
My vision clouded over at those words. Relief and affection welled up at the same time, and even more tears poured down my face. I was the one who didn’t understand anything at all. Again and again, I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath, then I pushed myself to my feet.