Chapter 48:
Madness
IT HURT too much.
The lie about the contract, the truth about Xie Xue, the deception Xie Qingcheng had created, the way he fled without so much as a backward glance…
It was as if He Yu had lived the past nineteen years in a dream. He’d thought that he had disguised himself very well and tricked everyone, but in reality, he was the wretched lunatic who had been deceived.
He Yu clutched his head and howled grievously, like a trapped, blood-soaked beast that had fallen into a snare. The voice that came out of his throat was so hoarse and wrecked that it didn’t even sound human. In his eyes, vacant confusion was mixed with frantic madness. He sat in his corner, curled up, hugging himself as though he was afraid of the cold.
What articles of faith?
All lies!
What warmth?
An illusion!
He was a madman; a delusional invalid; an ugly, laughable, absurd, comical idiot who had exposed his scars to everyone without even realizing it!
He seemed extremely pitiful, like a fetus that was about to die within its mother’s body—isolated from the outside world, his umbilical cord cut, unable to breathe, sinking into an endlessly oppressive suffocation. He could only cry out from underwater, but no one ashore could hear him.
He could only hold tightly onto himself. The only warmth he could feel came from him alone… It had all been his own sad attempts to comfort himself.
He Yu clawed at his hair, then froze in place for a stretch of time. His eyes grew redder and redder as his sense of self grew dimmer and dimmer. Finally, he stopped wailing and sat up calmly, his body unfurling as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling.
Then, he stood up.
His eyes were drawn to the display cabinet—reflected inside was his unbearably wretched silhouette.
So frighteningly unfamiliar.
The suppressed darkness and violence in his bones abruptly burst out as he grabbed a metal ornament from the side and smashed it into the cabinet with a loud bang. It was as if he had gone insane!
The evil dragon had been unleashed from its shackles. The devil inside him emerged from the cave and soared into the sky, summoning a vengeful rainstorm as it roared and bellowed. He Yu was completely swallowed by madness, howling as he smashed practically everything in the house, ripping open his wound even further in the process. The sickly stench of blood filled the air, but he didn’t care at all.
He tore down the curtains and smashed the television, laying waste to every single thing within reach.
Surely, some offerings ought to be made to commemorate the death of his inner self.
He didn’t know how long this crazed venting went on for, but regardless of how good the soundproofing was in his building, his neighbor downstairs couldn’t take it any longer and ran up to knock on his door. He Yu abruptly opened it. His hand, holding a length of steel pipe that he had wrenched from the window, was still dripping blood. The room behind him was in shambles.
He Yu stared at the neighbor with a pair of bloodshot eyes. “Can I help you?”
The neighbor was so terrified he nearly pissed himself as his legs gave out, but He Yu grabbed him by the collar and pulled him upright. A heavy metallic stench flooded the neighbor’s nose as He Yu’s blood stained his luxurious silk nightgown.
He Yu asked menacingly again, “Can I help you?”
“No, no, no!” The neighbor hadn’t expected to be faced with such a bloody and violent spectacle. The pale young man with the handsome face standing inside the apartment had an aura so evil he seemed like one of those crazy vengeful spirits on TV. The neighbor didn’t dare say anything more. With his jowls trembling and thighs quaking, he clasped his hands together in a placating manner. “Ge, da-ge! Do whatever you like, whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you happy.”
He Yu shoved him away and closed the door with a bang.
Stumbling, the neighbor practically crawled his way back into the elevator. Even before reaching his own door, he had already begun wailing in a trembling voice, “Wifey—wifey, save me…”
He Yu’s rampage had been interrupted by this person’s arrival.
Panting, he turned his head and looked around. How did this place look at all like a home? It was clearly the site of a chaotic battle.
After surveying the room with his bloodshot eyes, He Yu concluded that there was indeed nothing left for him to smash. He tossed the steel pipe aside, stepped over the ruins, and walked into the bathroom.
He looked at his ashen face in the cracked mirror. His reflection was fractured, just like the many different faces he showed to society.
He Yu stilled and allowed his breathing to return to a steady pace as his lips slowly stopped trembling…
His grief and madness had passed. Now the only thing he had left was serenity—a terrifying serenity. He had finished violently venting his feelings, and his entire lair was destroyed. What should he do next?
He still had to go outside. By now he had reached a point where he didn’t even care whether he was normal or not—he wanted to reveal this abnormal appearance of his, to unfurl his craggy wings and fly out of his dark cave to roar at those so-called normal people.
The young man in the mirror slowly looked up. A hand dripping with blood stroked his cheek, then slowly clawed at it. A faint smile appeared at the corners of his mouth—it seemed gentlemanly and refined, but was, in reality, more unfeeling than it had ever been.
Meanwhile, far off in Huzhou Medical’s faculty dorm, Xie Qingcheng’s eyelid twitched a few times as a vague sense of unease settled over him.
He and Chen Man had finished eating dinner, and once he’d helped clean up the table, Chen Man prepared to head home.
Before leaving, Chen Man said, “Ge, I’ll drop by again tomorrow night. Um…”
“Hm?”
“Don’t go online for the next few days,” he said softly. “It’s not worth it.”
Xie Qingcheng knew he was talking about the internet’s reaction to the videos that had been displayed on the broadcasting tower, but Chen Man was overthinking it. Xie Qingcheng wasn’t the kind of person who paid much attention to online news in the first place, especially when his real life was already such a mess.
But he assented. After seeing Chen Man off, he went downstairs to buy another pack of cigarettes. He called Xie Xue as he smoked.
Xie Xue’s condition wasn’t much better, but she was a bit more comfortable since Auntie Li was staying with her. As the siblings talked, Xie Qingcheng suddenly received another call. He said a few more words to Xie Xue, then hung up.
The call was from Zheng Jingfeng.
“Hello, Lao-Zheng.”
“Xiao-Xie, a member of our unit just saw the kid who was with you at the archives.”
Xie Qingcheng’s chest tightened. “He’s been discharged from the hospital?”
Zheng Jingfeng grunted in affirmation, but this was obviously not what he wanted to talk about. “Yeah. Oh, right, how old is that kid? Eighteen? Nineteen? I’ve forgotten…”
Xie Qingcheng paused for a moment before replying, “Why do you ask?”
“Do you think I want to? Weren’t you the one who told me to let you know if anything happened?”
Xie Qingcheng’s knuckles turned white. “What happened to him?”
“It’s not really a big deal. Ah, I’ve realized that there really is a gap between the bourgeoisie and us proles. Fuck, at eighteen or nineteen, I was still spending all my time in training. Anyway, my guess is that even though that little friend of yours was discharged from the hospital, he’s still in a lousy mood—he drove a fancy car to the Skynight Club… Oh, look, there are even messages about it in our work group chat. Apparently, he drove the sports car like a rocket, and they only finally managed to pull him over in front of the club. He cooperated, but his attitude was so fucking vile. When he got out of the car, he slammed the door and told them to just tow his car and fuck off to save him the trouble of finding a driver.”