Her heart had been released from its inhibitions; that first shot had killed any remaining hesitation and compassion. Whatever reason and warmth she had once possessed now began to fade quickly.
Gradually, she lost sight of the tear-filled eyes of the mother in the sky. After all, she was a woman who had been abandoned by her child.
She had been abandoned…
Scenes from the past flashed before her eyes.
The support from the county’s residents, the happiness when she took office—
“Lu Yuzhu is amazing! She’s the first female graduate student in our county! She graduated from a top university and came back to be the county secretary—the first woman secretary at that! So impressive! Make sure you do great things for our county!”
“Secretary Lu, thank you for helping repair the roads in our village and building Hope Elementary School. After stalling for so many years, they just weren’t willing to do it.”
“Secretary Lu, thank you. If it wasn’t for you, my mother would have forced me to get married… I-I still want to study… Thank you for helping me, and for allowing me to continue my studies… Thank you, really, thank you…”
“Secretary Lu, why don’t you accept our thank-you gifts? So many secretaries have come and gone, but none of them were like you, taking us villagers seriously and helping us with so much…”
“Thank you.”
Thank you…
Suddenly, like thunder from a clear sky, she plummeted from high up in the clouds into the abyss.
“Lu Yuzhu, someone reported you. Someone reported you for embezzlement and bribery. Please come with us to the police station.”
“Yuzhu…”
“Ma…ma… Mama…”
There seemed to be a blubbering child at the bottom of the abyss, bawling indistinctly. That child reached out to her and stared at her with tears in her eyes.
“Ma…ma…” she cried incessantly.
When she returned years later, the girl who had once reached out to her now stood timidly behind another woman, afraid to approach her.
“W-who are you…?”
Who are you?
Who am I? Lu Yuzhu wondered.
In a filthy hotel dishwashing room, amid piles of dirty tablecloths and tableware—
“Lu Yuzhu, faster. Aren’t you from the countryside? It’s just a little bit of work; how are you so slow?”
“You know, she was a graduate student.”
“Eh? A graduate student doing dishes?”
“I think she studied something pretty trendy, computer information security… How weird. What happened to her?”
“Lu Yuzhu, human resources reviewed your file again. You’re an ex-convict! You can’t hide such a thing when applying for a job. You should leave. I’ll settle your salary for this month, but you don’t have to come to work tomorrow.”
In the musky massage room, between the inappropriately familiar men’s faces—
“This little beauty actually seems kinda embarrassed.”
“Putting on airs? Whore! Aren’t you just selling yourself? Saying so much nonsense even though I’ve already given you money! The fact that I’ve taken a liking to you is already a sign of respect! Yet you dare to bite me!”
A slap to the face! Then another.
Loud, silent, corporeal, intangible, from the darkness, from every direction—slap after slap struck her across the face.
Kneeling, she cried as she clawed at the ground until her hands were covered in blood, as though she wanted to dig up a bit of light and truth to show them.
Yes, she had done something wrong.
She had done something wrong—she had accepted money…but it was only enough money to buy a pig, an unwritten rule in the village, and she didn’t even accept it personally. She didn’t even know…
Why did she have to be reduced to this, her family torn asunder, all alone with nowhere to go!
Why…
She couldn’t defend herself even if she had a hundred mouths. Everything was blotted out by a judgment she couldn’t escape.
She hoped to find someone she could trust, who could bring her hope. She waited and waited, until her heart had shriveled, but all that arrived was one disappointment after another.
“My surname is Duan. Your name is Lu Yuzhu, right? You have a graduate degree.”
Suddenly, there was a spark.
It was the flare of a customer’s lighter.
The man was just here to relieve his boredom, to see something new, playing around with some good-for-nothing friends. He had no intention of actually slaking his desires and no interest in the women in these cheap establishments. He found her interesting, so amid those specks of light, he slowly exhaled a breath of smoke from his cigarette.
“You studied so much.” He tossed the lighter onto the tea table and looked at her. “Why are you doing this kind of work?”
Lu Yuzhu didn’t respond.
Maybe it was because the man’s gaze was too calm, without any trace of disdain. She could even say that it was focused and earnest, genuinely interested in understanding her.
At that moment, a heavy blow suddenly struck the crumbling walls of Lu Yuzhu’s heart. She endured it for a few seconds, or perhaps a dozen, but in the end, she couldn’t bear it anymore. Falling to her knees, she covered her face and began sobbing bitterly, right in front of that customer…
It was as though her sobbing and despair from days past materialized once again as Lu Yuzhu snarled at Xie Qingcheng, “Don’t try to stop me from protecting him!”
It was truly frightening what a person could do when they were cornered. Who knew where she found the strength, but she managed to push back against Xie Qingcheng holding her arm down and turn toward He Yu, who was standing off to the side.
He Yu hadn’t run. On the contrary, when he realized that Xie Qingcheng was in danger, he came forward to help his companion. In the past, Lu Yuzhu probably would have admired a young man like this. But now, she didn’t hesitate. She strained to lift her wrist, twisting her hand… With great effort, she gripped the gun and aimed it at He Yu—and pulled the trigger!
An ear-splitting bang rang out!
Her first shot missed. Lu Yuzhu’s eyes were already red with bloodlust, her expression shattered. The veins on her forehead popped violently as she bared her teeth, looking less like a human than a captive beast. Xie Qingcheng shoved her back to the ground, yet she refused to let go of the gun, spraying bullets in He Yu’s direction as if she had gone mad.
Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!
Ignoring his own safety, Xie Qingcheng still refused to let go despite being so close to the onslaught. But when Lu Yuzhu exploded with the strength of someone making their last stand, it was impossible for Xie Qingcheng to wrest away her gun so quickly under such chaotic circumstances.