With her eyes still closed, she tried to make out what was going on past her eyelids. The image of the man kissing her was all too vivid yet had a fragility to it that made it seem like it would shatter at the slightest touch. He was enveloped in shadow to hide that fragility, meaning that even though he was close enough to touch, Belle couldn’t make out his features. His eyes alone shone blue under the Earthshine, full of emotion and doubt he refused to express.
Looking at him, Belle suddenly remembered someone else. It was a faint memory, like seeing the continuation of a dream.
Silver-white fur. Blue eyes. A collage of features that sank into the bottom of her consciousness, never to surface, with only bits and pieces drifting up.
This man looks just like him, Belle thought. But who is he…?
Lingering, soothing, the man’s lips traced the bridge of Belle’s nose and then moved down.
For the first time, Belle truly panicked. Her thoughts pulled away from fragments of memory on the cusp of unlocking, returning her to the situation she was in. She had never expected to be in this position. That on its own felt like a dream, and rather than fear or sweetness, unease and confusion were the most prominent feelings. It was like she was swimming through a still lake, only for it to suddenly start flowing, pulling her in an unexpected direction.
She felt resistance toward this, something on an instinctual level, but some other part of her thought that a kiss mattered little.
She was torn between intense embarrassment and a dry, cold emotion, equal parts wanting to embrace this person and to push him away and curse him out. Either way, her pulse was racing loudly, and as the heat of that person’s lips nearly touched her, an impulsive panic surged up from some deep part within her. She couldn’t predict what she’d do next—words were climbing up her throat, and before she could even understand what they were, they tumbled from her lips.
“I haven’t fallen in love with you yet, though.”
It was only once the words were out of her mouth that Belle realized what she’d said. It happened just as his lips were about to meet hers. Why did he stop there? Why did his warmth immediately turn cold? And why did she feel lonely, like she’d been left behind, when she was the one who’d stopped him?
The figure pulled away, slowly, like he was offended. He’d said nothing the whole time, and Belle kept her eyes closed. She heard the curtain sway as a soft breeze crept into the room and the presence retreated into the darkness.
Belle opened her eyes. Tilting her head, she looked for him in the deep blue of the night.
She felt a twinge of sorrow at the realization of what had occurred. That she’d pushed him away. It was only then that she finally saw him out of the corner of her eyes.
“Adonis…”
Adonis looked at her wordlessly. She couldn’t make out his expression, much like someone sitting in the light can’t see the face of someone in the dark. But she could tell from his posture that he was hurt.
“…At first I thought I walked into someone else’s place,” Adonis said in a whisper. “I was surprised at how warm the floor felt. A room can really feel different based on who’s living in it.” Suddenly, he added almost bashfully, “I’m not good at living. I always feel like everything to do with life is oppressing me…because I was born half dead.”
Belle silently looked at him and tilted her head questioningly.
“And so that someday I can be completely dead…I reject everything that lives, spending long years with these hands that wilt everything they touch, only alive by virtue of not being dead, waiting for the day when death will set me free… That’s the kind of life I’ve given myself.”
Belle shook her head. She could see his figure, enveloped with the blue glow of Earth.
“How can I learn to be as alive as you are?” he asked with a tone of complete acceptance.
Belle was suddenly flooded with annoyance. She was sad. She hadn’t waited here all this time to hear Adonis say something like that. The loneliness made her curl up into a ball.
“Just be reborn,” she whispered, looking at his silhouette. Her voice was calm, hiding her frustration. “I’ll help you be reborn.”
Deep down in her heart, Belle rebuked herself for her arrogant, insolent words. Her intuition was telling her that she’d regret it, but she hadn’t been able to stop the words from coming out of her mouth. If she didn’t say it, then she would never be rewarded.
“So…let’s go on a journey, Adonis. Together. If we do, then you’ll also be able to…”
Belle trailed off. This time, Adonis shook his head.
“At least until tomorrow, when I play the Key…”
He shook his head again.
“There’s something I still need to check,” Adonis said. “I can’t make any promises until I do.”
Whatever he needed to make sure of, his tone made it clear that he was fully intent on doing it, no matter what. And maybe, whatever that thing was that he had to check would mean he never left on their journey. Regardless, there was nothing Belle could do.
“Will you come tomorrow…?” she asked.
“That was always my plan.”
“…You’re not going to ask why I’m here?”
“Any room looks better with you living in it than me.”
“You think?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re a real idiot, you know that?”
“If you’re saying that, then it’s probably true.”
“You have to come. Tomorrow, for sure.”
“I will, but you don’t have to wait up. Go on ahead without me.”
“If only you should be so lucky, idiot. I don’t need you to tell me that.”
For some reason, Belle felt like crying, but she grinned impishly instead to hide it. She didn’t know why she felt that way.
Adonis smiled within the shadows. Why did Belle feel like the more she expected from him, the more he would just betray those expectations?
“…I’m sorry, Belle,” Adonis said.
The next moment, the door of Bamboo’s fangs appeared under Adonis’s feet and swallowed him up.
He was gone again.
Belle hadn’t even been able to follow him. She felt like she had an unlimited amount of time or number of opportunities to do so, yet this also illustrated the depth of the divide in their perceptions of life. One of them rejected the idea of understanding that divide, that difference, while the other wanted to understand it. And because of that, both ended up feeling betrayed. Even though neither of them had actually done anything to betray the other.
Belle remained completely still, feeling like she’d been left all alone to wallow in her loneliness in the dark of night.
“…I’m so stupid,” she whispered with a sigh.
Ring, the O’crock chimed, marking the hour. The sound freed Belle from the spell binding her in place.
“The hour’s already so blue.”
Belle stared at the stone for a long while before whispering again.
“I really am an idiot.”