AFTER returning to the castle, Marcus escorted Cesia back to her quarters, and the two walked the silent corridors free of the afternoon hustle and bustle.
“Cesia,” he said hesitantly. Seeing that she was frowning, upset over her failure, he tried to comfort her and brought up his hand to gently stroke her cheek, but she hurriedly separated from him. Then, realizing that she had rejected him, she was flustered.
“Ah, I meant to…umm…”
“I get it. I’m not angry, and I don’t think you’ve been unfaithful either, of course. Tell me, is there something you don’t like?”
“It isn’t that…there isn’t anything I don’t like, it’s just, whenever you touch me, I feel like I’m relying on you too much… And it…” It’s scary.
Marcus picked up on what she didn’t say and smiled as if to say, “What’s so scary about that?”
She had made it this far on her own. Plenty of people had helped her, and many kind people were around her. But even more people were cruel to her, and if she ever relaxed or let her guard down, they would jump at the opportunity to steal everything from her. She didn’t think that of Marcus, of course, but after feeling herself relax and melt away at his affectionate touch, she was afraid that she might become unable to stand by herself. His hands were comforting. He made her want to rely on him and yield everything to him.
“Is that a bad thing?” Marcus asked. He unassumingly held out his hand and took hers, which was hanging loosely by her side.
“I don’t know… I might…maybe I’m just afraid of getting weaker,” Cesia said, speaking in stops and starts. She was confused, and her eyes were flitting around, making it impossible for her to meet Marcus’s gaze.
He squeezed her hand and stared straight into her eyes. “Cesia.”
“Yeah…?”
“I love you. If there’s one thing I never want you to forget, it’s that.” There was a greater depth to his voice. He was being patient for Cesia’s sake, but he wanted to say plenty of other things.
She loved how he always gave her space to do as she wished. It made her incredibly happy. At the same time, she also had the selfish thought that if he were a bit pushier, she could vent all of her chaotic feelings. Unable to say anything else, she stared back up at him and said, “I love you too.”
✦ ✦ ✦
AFTER that, she took a bath, and when she finally entered her bedroom, Rosary was there waiting for her.
“You’re still here?” Cesia asked.
“Thank you for the kind greeting.”
“I mean… Aren’t you busy? You have your wedding and stuff. I said you could go home before I left for the party.” Cesia listlessly shook her head and sank into the couch. She was exhausted.
To help her relax, Rosary made her some herbal tea. “Unlike a certain someone, I have everything planned out, so it’s not an issue if preparations are delayed for a day,” she said standoffishly.
So she did delay her preparations, Cesia thought.
The day of Rosary’s wedding, after which she would resign, drew ever closer. Her fiancé was a knight and the eldest son of a viscount. Rosary had made his acquaintance after she had begun working in the castle. When Cesia had heard about it, she’d thought, that shrewd choice is very much like her, and had smiled despite herself.
✦ ✦ ✦
Cesia had to compliment Rosary on her splendid achievement. While simultaneously working as a lady’s maid to gain prestige, Rosary had scored the eldest son of a distinguished family. He was part of a lower-ranking house than her own—a count’s—but his family had turned out many knights over the generations. Rosary’s unfortunate stint as Juliette’s lady’s maid had happened because of her engagement; her marriage and resignation had been close at hand, so she had decided not to accompany the first princess when she went to study abroad, which meant she had been available.
Cesia felt guilty for being a troublesome mistress—albeit in a different way from Juliette—but she was also incredibly thankful for Rosary, with her wealth of experience and her ability to freely speak her opinion. They were the same age, and Rosary knew her past, so after they had dropped their reserve around each other, Cesia had found her easy to talk to. As an enforcer in the Second Division, Cesia probably would have hardly ever had any contact with Rosary, but she was now the prince’s fiancée. Rosary was a wonderful example of a lady, and Cesia had much to learn from her.
Additionally, from the time they spent together, Cesia also learned why Rosary had had it in for her when they were both in school. From the start, Cesia had categorically rejected noble dignity and customs as pointless, which had rubbed all the ladies at the academy the wrong way. The importance they placed on protecting custom and tradition had been incompatible with Cesia’s commoner way of thinking, which favored efficiency, moderation, and progress. Cesia’s fundamental beliefs were still the same, even now, but after working in the castle for a year and spending more time around nobility, she could finally see why they thought the way they did. Efficiency was important, but everything that she might have preferred to omit was borne out of consideration and respect for others. There were all sorts of invisible, unwritten reasons for all of it. Cesia had said they were pointless out of ignorance, and she had learned that she had been presumptuously trampling all over what they valued. That wasn’t to say that there weren’t some truly pointless things among them, of course.
“You’re surprisingly meek,” Rosary said.
“I’m just tired,” Cesia said. She thanked Rosary and took the cup of herbal tea she was holding out for her. She knew Rosary had waited for her to return even though she was busy with her job and preparing for her wedding because she had been worried about her. Even though she used to bully me, she’s so kind I could cry.
Rosary sat on the couch across from her and sipped her own tea. The only sound in the quiet room was the faint noise of teacups scraping against saucers. Still unable to collect her thoughts, Cesia had nothing to say, but she was incredibly grateful for Rosary’s silence and herbal tea.