That voice of insecurity had haunted Cesia in the back of her mind. Anxiety bred indecision, which led to fear, which sapped her will to go on. This loss of strength left her feeling disoriented as if she was lost without anyone to turn to—it made the very ground she was standing on ambiguous. She no longer knew what she was fighting for.
And what about it?
It felt warm within Marcus’s embrace. When he hugged her tightly, it felt like she grew more solid, starting from where he held her. She was in his arms, and he showed her that she could stand on her own from now on, that she had been standing on her own the entire time. He believed in her and hadn’t doubted her for a second. She could be fine on her own, but he was still worried about her.
Thinking back on it, he had always been her guide, showing her where to go. He had helped her whenever she was in a tight spot, and when things were difficult, he casually told her what she could do to resolve the situation. After she began working in the castle, he—and Maria—would always ask her how she was, how her job was going, and so on, making sure she wasn’t pushing herself too hard. There had been times when Cesia had thought it was a bit overbearing, but it made her happy. No one had ever cared so much about her before. There was no one else like him.
When she thought of it that way, she couldn’t do anything to stop herself.
“I love you,” Cesia said, tears welling up in her eyes again.
Surprised, Marcus let go of her and stared at her. “What…are you…”
“I know I shouldn’t have said it. And I’m not asking you to do anything about it.” Cesia blinked, and her tears overflowed from the outer corners of her eyes and onto her cheeks. Marcus’s jade-green eyes followed the trails those tears took.
“Cesia.”
“I’m fully aware of how silly it is to convey feelings of love to a prince. But still, I wanted to say it,” she said. Still shedding tears, she gazed at Marcus straight on and smiled happily. “I love you, Prince Marcus. I have for a long time now, and I’ll continue to from now on.” She didn’t care whether anything came of this. She was standing there, alone, free to convey her feelings if she wanted to. “I’m happy I came to love you,” she said. She wanted to tell him that she was glad. That she was truly happy to have met him and fallen in love with him. “That’s what I wanted to say,” she finished speaking. But when she tried to pull back quietly, he grabbed her arm. “Sir?” She looked up at Marcus in surprise.
Marcus lowered his gaze, and an indescribable look appeared on his face as if he were holding something back and was trying to suppress a desire to shout.
Cesia, not knowing whether she wanted to laugh or cry, softly touched Marcus’s hand, which was still holding her arm. “I understand that you’re angry at me for saying something so ridiculous at a time like this, and I don’t mind if you fire me after all this is over,” she said.
“That isn’t it,” Marcus said. Unusually for him, he hesitated to speak.
“What? …Then, I’m sorry for bothering you with this so sudde—”
“My bad. That isn’t it, either. Just hold on.”
“It’s fine. I’m not asking for anything from you.”
“No, just, that isn’t it. I’m asking you, just wait a second,” he spoke over her and stopped her from talking.
Cesia blinked, surprised by his hurried manner of speaking. “Yes, sir…?”
It was the first time she had ever confessed her feelings to someone. Actually, he was the first person she had ever even had feelings for. Though she had told him because it had been more painful for her to remain silent, the longer she lingered there, and the more time she had to cool her head, the more she wanted to cry out in embarrassment. The refreshing, euphoric feeling had subsided, and in its place, she felt shame gradually crawling up her spine. Aware that her face was slowly turning red, she wanted to distance herself from Marcus, but he was still grabbing her arm, and she couldn’t move. If she tried to get away without thinking, he would raise his downcast eyes and look up at her, and he would notice that she was blushing.
“Could you possibly…release my arm?” Cesia asked hesitantly.
“Sorry, but I can’t,” Marcus instantly replied.
Cesia’s lips twisted into a frown. He says hold on, but he won’t let go or say a word. I know I confessed my feelings to him, but isn’t this a bit much? She felt annoyed, but Marcus gently stopped her when she tried to pull her arm away. She didn’t know what was happening, but he was resisting her efforts to pull her arm away with a perfect balance of strength so as not to hurt her. I don’t need you to exhibit a strange new skill here, Cesia thought, peering at Marcus’s downcast face. Now that I think about it, why is he doing all this with his face hidden? She was relieved he couldn’t see her blushing, but something was off.
“Your Royal Highness?”
Marcus paused. “What?” he asked bluntly.
“Please raise your face.”
“I refuse.”
After another instant reply, Cesia put her hand on his jaw and forced his head upward. He could have resisted if he had wanted to, but he, too, had given up trying to hide it anymore.
To Cesia’s stunned surprise, Marcus’s attractive face, now visible, was a magnificent shade of crimson.
“That’s why I didn’t want to raise my head…” Marcus said in a sulky voice.
“Your embarrassment is sexy, sir,” Cesia mumbled in a daze.
“That’s the first thing you say?!” His face broke into a broad grin, and Cesia found herself smiling, too.
In the vacant house, the two smiled and blushed at each other. It was an odd scene, but they also felt that it fit them somehow. Nothing so romantic a phenomenon as, say, their feelings wordlessly conveying themselves just by touching each other occurred, but even Cesia understood what such an obvious blush meant.
“You can’t say it, can you?” she said.
“Yeah… My bad.”
“No… I, it’s like, the second I thought, ‘it’s you,’ I’d already forgiven you.”
Marcus wouldn’t give her a reply. He couldn’t. He was a prince, and he had a fiancée. That fiancée might have been Juliette, but that didn’t change the reality of the situation. He thought it would be dishonest to convey his feelings to her in that situation.
Well, fine. At times like this, he has to be so stubborn. So hopeless, Cesia thought. If it had been anyone but him, she would’ve gotten angry and might’ve even used her free hand to smack him across the cheek. “This must be what being blinded by love is like,” she said. Oh, well. That part of him is another reason why I love him.
“When this is all over… I’ll tell you then, so please…wait for me.” Marcus squeezed her hand with both of his large, warm hands, and Cesia relaxed and smiled.
“Still, I know it’ll be difficult,” she said.
“I can’t say anything irresponsible. But you shouldn’t have to give up on the whole thing.”
Even if everything came to a tidy conclusion, and Juliette and Marcus’s engagement was broken off, there was an enormous gap between Cesia and Marcus’s social positions. She knew their feelings couldn’t overcome that. But her love, in its entirety, was standing before her, holding her hand. He had already answered her feelings, and that was enough. Any more, and it would harm him as a prince.
“Very well. I’ll be waiting,” Cesia said.
So, she lied. She lied to protect her kind, beloved prince, who always tried to sacrifice himself for others. To protect him, she resolved to seal away her feelings and hold on to this moment for an eternity. She knew she could do it. Marcus had his pride as a prince, and the royal family and the people of the kingdom were honored to have him as one of their leaders. She couldn’t force him to change his life for her.
“So let’s settle this thing quickly!” Cesia added. The hand Marcus held seemed warmer than just a moment before. She felt a mysterious sensation as if something warm wrapped around her, and its warmth extended all the way to her heart.
“Yeah,” Marcus said and smiled.
When everything was over, a commoner like Cesia wouldn’t be able to continue to be by Marcus’s side anymore. She etched the memory of his beautiful, smiling eyes into her mind.