So they told me.
I was beyond any mortal control, but I don’t remember any of it.
In the end, Cassandra came running into the fray, oblivious to all danger, and Tanne d’Arc followed—a fair distance behind her—and they started speaking. Talked me down, I guess.
The bullfighting match had started out as entertainment to get everyone in a good mood, but now it was anything but that. The party was canceled.
When I came to, I was inside a tent I didn’t recognize. I felt like this had happened before. I was hallucinating that I was back with the camp of adventurers on the hunting mission, the ones who had saved me from the ogres.
Nope.
“Shooter! Are you awake?”
“Man, you really walloped that guy. That was great!”
My wife’s face was the first thing that came into focus for me. Next to her, I saw white teeth flashing—Nishka. But despite her grin, the one eye I could see looked pretty angry, too.
“Heya. My name is Yoshida Shuta, thirty-two years old. I’m from the village. Get this: I was in a bullfight with a bull-kin chieftain, but I lost consciousness. Do I know you?”
“Quit messin’ around. You won, relax.”
I just realized there was a third face above me—it was the village chief. Being surrounded by all these women made me feel like I was in some kinda harem anime. But if this was my harem, where was Tan-Claude’s sister, the girl who was supposed to be my new bride?
“Um, how is Tan-Claude doing?”
“He was still unconscious at the end of the fight.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“You shouldn’t worry about it. The bull-kin were the ones who suggested the fight in the first place, and we made an honorable showing. The most important thing is that a cleric is treating him with healing magic at the church. I’m sure he’s already fully recovered.”
Thank goodness. I’d almost forgotten about that healing magic, in the heat of it…but Nishka was still giving me the hairy eyeball.
“Hey, Nishka, how did you get that black eye? It’s huge.”
“You goddamn punched me in the goddamn face, you big stupid bastard!”
“What? C’mon, I’d never do that, Nishka!”
“You idiot. You were flailing all over the place when we were trying to pull you off Tan-Claude.”
“Ah…I’m sorry…”
“I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I gotta be angry at someone for gettin’ hit, and that someone is you.” Nishka turned away with a huff.
I felt truly awful. But, uh. Was there any possibility that the village chief might be able to make arrangements on my behalf to allow me to be treated by the cleric as well? I gave it a shot.
“You’ll have to be patient,” she said. “Wak’wakgoro got knocked out, too, and they’re tending to him right now. After him, it’s my stepson’s turn.”
“You’re kidding. Did I really go on such a rampage?”
“You certainly did. No one could stop you in that flailing, nudist rage. Your unrivaled strength will no doubt be the stuff of legend in our land before long.” The village chief gave a hearty laugh, then got to her feet and stood tall once more. “But don’t you ever raise your hand to a lady again. I’m going to have to confer a knighthood on you as your reward, and if word gets around that a man who beats women and children is the constable of our settlement, it’ll ruin our reputation.”
With that, Alexandricia left the tent. I watched her go, mouth hanging agape.
I glanced to Cassandra. “D-do you have any idea what she meant by that, dear?”
“W-well, yes. The village chief—well, the minotaur chieftain is giving you his sister for marriage, so…”
“Right…”
“And the village chief said that in order to make it a fair exchange, she would confer a knighthood on you.”
“Hmph. I can’t believe you punch me in the eye, and then they make you a knight! Must be nice. Hope our buck-naked slave-knight will take good care of us, his lowly henchmen.”
Hold up, I was going to be a slave and a knight? That seemed…you know what? I’d just roll with it for now, because I was exhausted. As for the naked part—
“Of course I was naked! They made me wrestle in my underwear!”
Nishka and Cassandra exchanged a look.
Uh. What had I said?
Seeing the downcast looks on their faces made me suspicious. I tried to push myself up from the bed, but I crumpled at the debilitating pain shooting up from my right knee.
“Ow!”
The pain crashed back into my awareness and I writhed in agony.
“You shouldn’t try to move, Shooter.”
“His horns gouged you pretty good. I can see the muscle in your leg.”
Right, I’d really whanged myself on Tan-Claude’s horns when I was kneeing him. God, the pain was rough. Could I get some fantasy ibuprofen? Some vicodinmancy?
In the midst of all this, I realized for the first time that I was no longer wearing my g-string.
“Mister Naked Man! My brother wanted to know if you’ve woken up yet…” So of course at that moment, Tanne d’Arc came in to check on me, and immediately saw my goods flailing about in the open. “Eek! You disgusting flasher! Perv! How dare you expose my innocent eyes to such…dangling?”
My thong must have gotten torn off when I was straddling the bull-kin chieftain and pummeling him in the face.
I drooped. This was really adding insult to injury.