Azuri walked in front. Seigo, as if protecting her from behind, walked a few paces back.
The shoveled snow formed a barrier on either side of the path, like a white brick wall. The two of them arrived at a plaza in the center of the amusement park. Apparently the snow in this plaza had been left untouched on purpose, and the lights gave the carpet of snow a beautiful glow in the night.
There were hardly any people around. Almost everyone had gone to see the costumed characters, who were about to put on a show.
Shunk, shunk, shunk, shunk… Small and big footsteps rang out together as the couple stepped through the snow. The two of them sat down on a covered bench.
“I don’t know…” Seigo said, trying to make conversation. “What’s so good about that poofy, pink-costumed character…?”
“Who knows…”
“Y’know,” he continued. “That sort of thing, it’s kind of like a childish trick. It’s all just vanity on the part of bad adults who want to deceive children… Y’know…”
“Who knows…”
He refused to give it up. “Or y’know… it isn’t fun?”
“Huh?” Azuri responded, as if she couldn’t understand what he was saying.
“After all,” he pressed on, “Azuri, you don’t seem like you’re having any fun.”
Azuri nodded. “There was never anything fun in my life, not until now. So I really don’t know what fun is… I don’t even know how to smile…”
“Really?” he asked, skeptical. “What about when you’re at school or with your friends?”
“I don’t have any friends…”
Oops. Seigo felt angry over his own stupidity.
“How about… during your birthday? Like your mom and dad… oh!” Seigo couldn’t believe his carelessness and cursed himself even more. Talking about her recently dead parents should be the taboo of all taboos.
I’m such an idiot. I’m a moron. I’m the worst.
As Seigo was beating himself up, Azuri spoke. “I don’t know… Papa and Mama were always busy with work, so I don’t really have any birthday memories.”
Oh my god! Seigo wanted to commit hara-kiri[2]and have his head offered on a chopping block. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that those family situations on TV dramas could actually exist in real life.
“There has to be something… Like today, for example, my heart was all aflutter with joy. Uh, what am I saying?!” Seigo frantically flapped his arms and legs, trying to express an image in his head that he couldn’t explain very well with words. “It’s like, if there was a ball inside my heart, it would be bouncing in this really lively way. There’s nothing like that?!”
Azuri stood still, looking down at her feet and thinking for a bit. “I don’t know…”
“…I see…” Seigo sat back down, his shoulders slumped.
“But…” Azuri impatiently searched for the words. “I don’t know if it’s like a ball, but… this area around my chest really feels light… It’s like, poofy, as if I’d suddenly sprouted wings.”
Although she was at a loss for words, Azuri was actually trying to express her feelings. That was enough.
“That’s what it means to have fun.” Seigo smiled. He suddenly sprang to his feet, as if he were brimming with motivation.
“All right! Leave it to me! I’ll make you have much more fun!”
“Hmm, even though you’re just a servant?” Azuri responded teasingly.
This time, Seigo was ready with his witty comeback. “Ah ha ha ha! Even a servant like me wants his princess to enjoy herself. All right… then. First, wait here! ”
“What?” she asked. “What are you going to do?”
“Just wait here. I’ll be right back. I won’t leave you alone, my princess,” he told her before running off.
He ran quickly, paying no mind to the scattering snow dampening his clothes.
“………” Azuri silently watched his retreating back as he went.
Don’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be alone. Because I’ll be lonely. Because my heart will grow ever smaller.
Alone, Azuri waited. The same as on that day. She had been supposed to go on a rare outing with her parents. The three of them had been going to eat together. The last time that had happened had seemed like such a long time ago.
Azuri had eagerly waited for that day to come. She’d had a lot of things to talk about. She had wanted them to hear everything she had to say.
Will I be able to speak to them properly? Will they listen? After all, today is my…
She had nervously thought about those things as she’d waited, but her parents had never come back. No matter how long she’d waited, no matter how much time had passed, they had never returned.
Instead, in their place, her father’s secretary had come. He had told her the devastating news: her parents had died in an accident. The secretary had burst into tears, but Azuri had been unable to cry.
“Young miss,” he had told her, “you are very strong.”
But that hadn’t been the case. She had wanted so much to cry, but she just couldn’t. Surely there was something wrong with her emotions, with her heart. She had always put on a brave front, even though she had been so sad, so lonely, deep inside.
Since Papa and Mama had been so busy, she’d always thought that she shouldn’t bother them. She had needs, but she mustn’t be selfish. After all, they had always praised her for being a good girl, for being a quiet girl. Good things happened to good girls.
So even though she had felt alone, she’d persevered. She had known that they would eventually come home and give her a great big hug for being a good girl. As long as she’d had that to look forward to, she could persevere.
But they had never come home.
So now I won’t see them anymore? They ’re never coming home? Am I really alone now? Don’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be alone. Because I’ll be lonely. Because my heart will grow ever smaller.
“Don’t leave me alone…” The words bubbled forth from her heart and tumbled out onto her lips.
“…Yes. Sorry to have kept you waiting, my princess.”
There stood Seigo. It was obvious he had been running. His shoulders heaved up and down, in rhythm with his heavy breathing. In his hands he held two triple-decker, albeit out-of-season, soft ice cream cones. Strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate.
“W-what is it, hey?!” Seigo started violently as Azuri raised her head, looking straight into his eyes. Tears flowed down her face.
“Whoa!” Seigo exclaimed in surprise. “No way?! I’m sorry, really. The park is packed with people. I had to fight against waves of humanity! But I lost and got swallowed up… and I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!”
“It’s not that, it’s not…” Azuri shook her head furiously. Her words were swallowed by a fit of sobbing. It was as if the floodgates that had held her emotions in check had been flung open. She couldn’t control her own feelings.
Paying no mind to the wet snow, Seigo went down on one knee and peered into Azuri’s face. In a gentle, soothing voice he asked, “What’s wrong? Were you lonely? Were you afraid?”
Azuri shook her head and tried desperately to wipe away her disobedient tears.
“It’s okay to be lonely,” Seigo continued. “To be sad, to be afraid… It’s okay to cry. That’s normal. I’m sorry for leaving you alone. But it’s okay now, I’m right here.”
“…Uh… Uh-huh…” Finally, she was able to nod.
“All right, then—eat this. Chow down!” Seigo declared, handing one of the cones to Azuri.
She felt Seigo’s hand as she reached for the cone; it seemed enormous. It felt large and rough, but at the same time beautiful and light and warm.
“It’s kinda funky, isn’t it? Eating soft ice cream in the middle of winter?” Seigo laughed.
“You have no taste,” Azuri replied jokingly.
The comment was colder than the ice cream, but still Seigo laughed.
Azuri laughed too. “Ha ha ha!” Somehow, it was all funny.
She realized at some point that like the winter sun, which hurried toward dusk, she felt terribly impatient about something.
“I… Maybe I was trying to die…”
Sitting side by side, hearing the confession that Azuri had just blurted out, Seigo was so shocked he nearly dropped his cone.
Unmindful of his reaction, she continued, “When I thought that I’d have to be pushed and pulled around by all these strange adults, I decided to leave the house. Then I figured that if I died, maybe I could be with Papa and Mama…”
“…I see…” he said. “Well, I can’t say I don’t understand, but isn’t that kind of depressing?”
“…?”
“If your wish came true,” he explained, “then the minute you died, everyone else would just drop dead, don’t you think? That’s not going to work. What if someone you loved left you alone like that—what would you think? You understand, don’t you, Azuri?”
Seigo continued, “I’d hate it. I’d be so lonely and sad and in pain… Right? I’d hate it if you disappeared, Azuri. I’d really hate it.”
“…Thank you… Seigo-kun.”
“I haven’t done anything to be thanked for.” He shrugged it off. “After all, I’m Princess Azuri’s servant.” Opening his mouth wide, he downed the entire cone in one bite.
Azuri smiled awkwardly at Seigo. “Do you have a girlfriend, Seigo?” she asked suddenly.
“What’s this, all of a sudden? Well, if I did, I wouldn’t be in a place like this.”
“Oh, really?” she answered. “Then what about…”
“Hm?”
“The girl you painted a long time ago?”
“Oh, her…” Seigo replied. “She was my old girlfriend.”
“Hmm. So where is she now?”
“She died.”
“What?” It was Azuri’s turn to be startled. Like Seigo, she nearly dropped her cone.
“When I was in high school,” he related, “she got sick and died suddenly.”
“Oh, uhh… I’m sorry…”
“What are you apologizing for?” he asked. “Of course, at that time I was sad. But I’m okay now. That’s why I was able to paint her. I wanted to remind myself that she was once alive. Before I forgot.”
“But you haven’t forgotten her now…?”
“I haven’t,” he confirmed. “Because of that painting, I was able to give up being an artist. That was the best painting I was able to do. So… hmm, I’m not sure how to say this, but you’ll be okay, Azuri—I’m sure of it.”
“…”
Azuri had no confidence in herself. Seigo was strong. He’d had the strength to get over the loss of his girlfriend.
But I am always afraid. I’m not strong—I’m so weak, I’m dumbfounded by it. Can I bear the burden of living? I could smile now, but I might not be able to smile tomorrow. What I have now, I might lose by tomorrow. If so, then what should I do?
Eventually it began to snow. The lights illuminated the plaza. The snow plunged the already white world even further into whiteness.
The illuminating lights. A snow-white picture, painted into the sky.
—Ring.
Just as the snow was falling softly from the sky, there appeared a little girl dressed all in white.