“Right, your leg!”
Mathias remembered then. Not long after Quinta got cut off, some burglar or bag-snatcher had assaulted Doris, and she’d fallen and broken her leg.
“Are you okay? Really, please─”
“Shush!”
Her voice was regaining some of its former buoyancy. Her deflated frame seemed a little larger. Mathias swapped glances with Nikki, before walking, still hesitant, up to the table.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to Henning,” he said, facing the kitchen as he pulled himself a chair and took a seat.
Perhaps he shouldn’t have reminded her of it. But he couldn’t not mention it. Mathias knew that seeing his face would have transported Doris’ thoughts back to Rita and Henning.
“Forgive me. I know condolences fall far short of what happened. I just…don’t know what else to say.”
“It’s fine. Whatever you say, nothing can change what’s done.”
“I am sorry. Really.”
“What do you have to apologize for?” Doris came back with a set of ceramic mugs and a bottle of liquor. “Sorry, seems this is all I’ve got. I assume it’ll do?”
“Fantastic!” Nikki said.
This girl’s a bonafide alcoholic, thought Mathias, but he nodded at Doris, who poured the liquor into three mugs before joining them at the table.
“I need to apologize because,” he said, getting back to the subject, “I was the one who made Rita the way she is. I killed one of her soldiers… It was an accident, but that doesn’t mean anything from her point of view.”
“I’d thought as much.”
“Sorry?”
“That it was an accident. He said the same thing, you know.” She meant Henning, of course. Doris continued, “I’m sure the accident was a part of what caused this, but it wasn’t everything. There’s this too.” She indicated her leg with her eyes. “In fact, this was probably the main cause. If I hadn’t been so stupid…well, anyway. What I’m trying to tell you is that a number of things had to come together to make Rita snap the way she did.”
Doris was holding her mug in both hands and gazing at the surface of the liquid. Mathias remembered when the four of them had gathered here to toast Rita’s admission to the Garrison Regiment.
He could no longer recall how the liquor had tasted.
“Even if what I did isn’t the sole cause…” Mathias lifted his mug. “As Rita’s friend, I want to stop her. She believes she’s building a utopia, but the way things are now is wrong whichever way you look at it.”
“Yes. I think so too.” Doris gave Nikki a quick look. “I heard that you’re building a movement?”
“Wow…you really are on top of things.”
“What are you planning to do? Specifically. It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you can’t.”
“We’re not sure yet. But it looks like things will get a little rough.”
“Of course. Otherwise you wouldn’t be bringing people in.”
“I’ll have to stand up to Rita…I might even have to hurt her. Physically, and mentally. Of course, it’s likely I’ll be the one who gets covered in bruises.”
“Yes, that’s what I’m worried about.” Doris smiled, although the smile didn’t reach her eyes. It was a wry smile.
“Do I have your permission?” Mathias asked.
“To do what? To teach the girl a lesson?”
“Yes.”
“Absolutely. It’s clear this is hard on you, too. You’d find it much easier to leave her be.”
“I still don’t know if it’s right. I’m still wavering.”
“Why?”
Doris looked up from her liquor. Mathias saw that Nikki was also staring right at him as though to ask why he was still voicing such feelings.
I know. I still lack the nerve. But…
“I wonder if it won’t make me the same as her. To hurt someone I care about, just because I happen to believe I’m right.” He knew Rita wouldn’t have executed Henning on a whim. She wasn’t simply feeding people to the Titan.
“You’re wrong,” Doris flatly contradicted. “She had influence, she had standing. From the start of all this.”
She turned to look out of the window. The fire appeared to be under control, and the sky was once again turning deep blue. Doris seemed to have noticed the change.
She left her seat, then re-emerged from the kitchen with a candle in hand, dragging her right leg.
“That wasn’t the case with you. You started with nothing. You expressed your views and people came to join you. You never forced anyone into anything. It’s completely different.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Believe in yourself.” She lifted her drink. “Just don’t do anything…” She broke off, sighing as she reconsidered her words. “To hell with it─be as reckless as you want.”
“Thank you.”
It had been worth coming here. A smile found its way to Mathias’ face.
“I think I’m getting better at that.”
“At being reckless?”
“Yes.”
He got to his feet.
Nikki snatched what was left of the bottle as they were leaving.
It was Mathias’ fourth time on the Night Harvest.
The first had been soon after he’d sent Jarratt to Fuerth. Wanting to bring as many people into the resistance as possible, Mathias had taken the lead and fashioned himself a false identity to venture out into the dangerous night of the ex-interior. Luckily he’d convinced a number of people to join, and ever since it had become customary within the movement to use the Night Harvest to canvass new members.
Klaus and Nikki had recently volunteered themselves, claiming it suited them better than other duties.
“This is making me nervous,” Mathias muttered, checking the condition of his right arm. The doctor had removed the splint, saying it was fully healed, but it still felt wrong somehow.
They were standing in line, watched over by young troops, who all bore a vague similarity to the boy soldier Mathias had killed. The dusk glow still lingered in the sky. Once the sun set, the gate would be hauled open, and they would be expelled from the confines of Quinta. Numerous watch fires already burned around the gate.
“Aren’t you supposed to be used to this?” Gabriele said, looking up. He was a tad shorter than Mathias, but fairly muscular, no doubt due to six months of scrambling through the exterior.