"There were no Trial rules," he said flatly.
An Zhe's expression went blank for a second, for he had a hard time digesting the information in that sentence. With difficulty, he asked, "There… weren't?"
"To be exact, there were no rules that would identify xenogenics with a hundred percent accuracy." Pauli sounded like he was sighing. "We drafted the Trial rules using the results of our lifelong research. From various aspects—appearance, movements, and thoughts—we could determine its species through the distinct reactions of creatures to external information, but there was no way to guarantee that it was absolutely correct. In truth, the rules could only identify eighty percent of xenogenics. For the remaining twenty percent, we could only rely on experience and intuition, along with… expanding the scope of execution. It was better to kill mistakenly than let a xenogenic through."
"The first ironclad rule of the true Trial rules was that under no circumstances were they to be shared with the outside world. By no means did we really follow those rules. For the sake of absolute safety, the Trial Court has always left room for mistaken kills." Pauli's voice gradually darkened. "When I guarded the gate to the Outer City, every time I executed someone, there was an eighty percent chance that it was a real xenogenic. For the remaining twenty percent, I knew full well that they were most likely a real human, but I shot them anyway just to be sure. And among those xenogenics, there was the one-in-ten-thousand chance of someone having human consciousness and the one-in-sixty-five-hundred chance of someone recovering their human consciousness many years later."
His voice grew hoarse. "To this day, it's difficult for me to recall those four years."
An Zhe imagined that sort of spectacle, and he imagined himself as a Judge.
He asked, "So you left the base?"
"I couldn't contend with my inner suffering. In the war between humans and xenogenics, I couldn't endure to the end." Pauli looked up at the night sky. After a long silence, he said, "At first, I suffered because I was killing my compatriots, but later, even the deaths of xenogenics were hard to bear. I had been interacting with them for too long, and I knew that every monster had its own life. My hands were drenched in blood. I was a guilty man. Later, I defected from the base with a handful of my colleagues and came to the Highland Research Institute, where we quietly continued the Fusion Faction's research and accepted xenogenics. Throughout my life, I've been atoning for my own sins. From then to now, a hundred years have passed. ”
A hundred years.
An Zhe looked at Pauli, his expression slightly doubtful.
As if understanding his doubt, Pauli smiled. "I've lived for too long."
"In the wilderness, the most unavoidable thing is infection." Pauli rolled up his sleeve. On the skin of his right arm, there was a patch of messy black lines. "I had been accidentally injured and infected by a member of the research institute. Before losing consciousness, I left them."
"However, perhaps because the person who infected me was lucid or perhaps because chance favored me, I woke up." With those words, Pauli smiled. "I thought that only a few seconds had passed, but it had actually been several decades. It was like my consciousness had instantly traveled through time and space. Can you guess where I was?"
An Zhe shook his head.
"I was still at the research institute," Pauli said. "They had brought me back. Even though I was a mindless monster at the time, they didn't abandon me. I had once protected them, so they protected me as well. The sentiments between humans are just like that. What you give, you will get. In this age, trust between humans is something even more precious than life itself, but I had received it."
An Zhe looked at the warm and peaceful expression in Pauli's eyes. It wasn't until now that he understood why there would be such deep bonds between Pauli and the other members of the research institute.
"I don't regret leaving the base back then, but I can also never forgive my own evasion or my powerlessness," Pauli finally said.
An Zhe said, "Because you are of noble character." After doing some thinking, he added, "Because you're too kind."
It was only because Pauli loved every single person that he would suffer like that. If they were in an age of peace, he would definitely be someone who could not bear to kill even ants—yet such a person had to raise a gun against his compatriots.
"Kindness… kindness is humankind's most notable weakness," Pauli said. "Kindness to oneself is the starting point of selfish desires, and kindness to others is the cause of wavering belief. I couldn't achieve complete indifference or true neutrality, so I was not a qualified Arbiter."
After he finished speaking, they were silent for a long time.
But while thinking on Pauli's words, An Zhe frowned slightly, for he had thought of someone.
"But a Judge once said something to me," An Zhe murmured. "The source of the Arbiter's beliefs was not indifference, but kindness. Kindness not to individuals, but to the fate of all humankind. If one were to steadfastly believe that humankind's interests take precedence over all else, they will not waver."
As Pauli looked at him, he asked softly, "How can one steadfastly believe?"
"And supposing one does not harbor kindness toward every single person," he asked, each word clearly pronounced, "how can they steadfastly give their whole life for the interests of all humankind?"
An Zhe was stunned.
His fingers, which were hanging at his sides, began trembling. He finally knew why he would think of Lu Feng, who was Pauli's polar opposite, every time he faced Pauli.
Pauli closed his eyes, his voice hoarse as he said, "This is the cause of all of the Arbiter's suffering."
"Abandon your humanity, indiscriminately kill innocents without restraint, and ultimately be executed by the base. Or maintain your clarity of mind and eventually fall into madness as a result of unbearable suffering. These are the only two fates for an Arbiter," Pauli said slowly. "The moment the Rules were drafted, they were all doomed to meet terrible ends."