Zhao Yunlan grabbed Shen Wei by the collar and angrily pulled his head down. “Excuse me, can you drop the ‘pure, innocent lamb’ act? Shen Wei, babe, have I taken advantage of you even a single time…? Sure, I’ve always intended to, but I’ve never actually committed the crime!”
Shen Wei hurried to appease him. “Okay, okay, okay. Get up. Let’s go home.”
“I can’t.” Zhao Yunlan turned his face away, expressionless. “There’s been too much strain on my lower back.”
“Then shall I carry you?” Shen Wei offered, gentle and embarrassed.
Zhao Yunlan glanced at him and then stood up, all without a word. His back had magically stopped hurting, but his stomach felt sour instead.
The moment the pair left, everyone else scattered as well. Zhu Hong was first to leave, followed by Lin Jing. Chu Shuzhi, on the other hand, poured himself a cup of tea and didn’t start to slowly gather his things until the stock market was closed for the day. But when he looked up, he saw that Guo Changcheng was still there. It was just the two of them at that point, and Guo Changcheng was like a backdrop, silently sitting and zoning out to the point that it seemed like his soul had fled.
“Why aren’t you leaving?” Chu Shuzhi asked.
Guo Changcheng seemed to wake from a dream. He gave a great shudder, knocking over the hydroponic plant on his desk and drenching his entire workspace. Chu Shuzhi touched his own face subconsciously, worried that his cultivation had weakened to the point that his livor mortis was now visible and spooking the kid.
“I-I-I-I-I’m leaving now.”
Chu Shuzhi studied him. “You…look nervous, and your expression is solemn. What, are you planning to go bomb a bunker?”
If Guo Changcheng had had dog ears, they would’ve undoubtedly been drooping.
Twenty minutes later, the two of them walked out of 9 University Road together. “So, your uncle set you up on a date,” Chu Shuzhi said.
A tiny firework exploded out of Guo Changcheng’s pocket.
Chu Shuzhi took a hasty step back. “Watch it. What are you so afraid of? Are you going on a date with the wicked witch?”
Afraid of setting fire to his own pants, Guo Changcheng took out his little baton and held it in his hands. Before he even reached his parking spot, the traffic controller at the intersection yelled, “What are you doing?! You can’t set off fireworks in the city! Where’s your sense of civic responsibility?”
Turning his head away, Chu Shuzhi said nothing and pretended not to know Guo Changcheng.
The Corpse King was cold and solitary. Aside from joking around with his few familiar acquaintances, he gave off an unapproachable air. As a result, he was constantly lonely and bored. Other than working on his cultivation, he had nothing to fill his free time, so he was never able to satisfy his hunger for gossip.
He suddenly found himself curious about human dates. A thought popped into his mind. Heroically, he said, “All right, stop setting off fireworks before you get a fine. How about this: I’ll come along on your date and sit at the next table, pretending I’m just some random customer.”
Guo Changcheng glanced at him, speechless. Was that the eagerness of a nosy auntie on Chu-ge’s unsmiling face?
They arrived half an hour early. Chu Shuzhi had flipped through an entire old magazine before the girl made an appearance.
Right before Chu Shuzhi’s eyes, Guo Changcheng froze into a human stick. To Chu Shuzhi’s mind, it was a marvel, really. It had been many years since he’d last seen a mortal with such zombie potential.
Letting his gaze drift down, Chu Shuzhi noticed that Guo Changcheng’s pants were still trembling uncontrollably, as if he were a quail sitting on shards of glass. It was just as well he’d confiscated Guo Changcheng’s baton, otherwise the girl’s smooth, straight hair would’ve been electrocuted into curls by now.
“Useless.” Chu Shuzhi was frustrated on Guo Changcheng’s behalf.
The girl was the amiable sort. She didn’t immediately head for Weibo and make a post titled “My Exquisite Date.” Out of consideration for Guo Changcheng’s ineloquence, she valiantly tried to keep the conversation going, but he reacted as if it were a criminal interrogation. No matter what she asked him, he quivered and sent SOS signals to Chu Shuzhi…who was pretending to be engrossed in the menu and flat-out rejecting the signals.
After the trembling had gone on for a solid ten minutes, the girl finally asked, “Are you…a little nervous, maybe?”
“A little” was putting it kindly. Guo Changcheng nodded, face and ears crimson.
The girl smiled. “Don’t worry. We’re just having a chat.”
Guo Changcheng nodded again, no less red. He took a careful glance at her, then looked away uneasily.
When confronted with someone who couldn’t carry on even a semblance of conversation, most people would just get up and leave. This girl, though, was a little interesting. Guo Changcheng seemed to have awoken some kind of protective urge in her.
“You really remind me of the Indian guy on The Big Bang Theory,” she said cheerfully. “You’re so cute. My aunt said you’re a police officer. Is that true?”
Guo Changcheng buzzed like a mosquito. “Mn.”
“Really! I never would have guessed! What happens when you run into a bad guy?”
After some thought, Guo Changcheng gave her an honest description of exactly how he would capture a “bad guy.” He made a grabbing motion, then pretended to take out his “secret weapon.” “Just like this. Then I’d say ‘D-d-d-don’t come near me,’ and then they’re captured.”
The girl stared for a moment, then realized he must be joking. She burst into laughter. “Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re so cute!”
Guo Changcheng clammed back up—it hadn’t been a joke at all.
Chu Shuzhi watched coldly, resting his head in his hand. Reflecting on actual situations from work, he found that those memories seemed a bit endearing, not just foolish. But when he looked at the cheerful girl and the slightly spaced-out Guo Changcheng, and then down at his own watch, he suddenly found himself thinking that there was no point just sitting there on his own.
But somehow, the pair at the next table kept on chatting with no signs of stopping. Trying to be patient, Chu Shuzhi killed time on his phone for a while. Once his vision started blurring, he couldn’t take it anymore. He called for the waiter. “I’d like to order.”
The waiter hurried over, only for Chu Shuzhi to give his order in a dark, creepy voice. “Kung pao chicken. Rare. I want it to still be bloody.”
The waiter was taken aback.
Guo Changcheng overheard and immediately turned to glance at Chu Shuzhi. Seeing the Corpse King’s deathly expression, he realized he’d gotten too carried away.
He began racking his brains to figure out how to end the conversation, just for the girl to suddenly turn serious. “Oh, right,” she said. “I actually wanted to say…” And then she paused, as if it was something difficult.
“What is it?
The girl looked down thoughtfully. “We’ve only just met, so I really shouldn’t say this, but I like you quite a lot.”
As he blushed like a stalk of red sorghum on the spot, Guo Changcheng’s eyes nearly fell out of their sockets.
The girl continued, “There are some things I’d like to say up front. To be honest, I didn’t want to come today. My aunt said you were a police officer, and I don’t think I’d feel very at ease living with an officer who deals with crime. I’d be worried sick about you, day in and day out…” She sighed. “So I wanted to ask, are you really committed to this line of work?”
Guo Changcheng froze. Before he could respond, a hand descended on his shoulder and he was hauled up out of his seat.
“C-Chu-ge?”
The girl looked at Chu Shuzhi, utterly perplexed. Chu Shuzhi glanced at her, his smile not reaching his eyes, and then his gaze landed on Guo Changcheng. In an incredibly ambiguous tone, he said, “Going on a date behind my back? You really think you’re hot shit now, huh?”
Guo Changcheng’s mind boggled. Wh-what?!
The girl’s eyes flew wide-open. She sat there in shock at the Corpse King’s aura and the dramatic turn of events. Chu Shuzhi grabbed a few bills from Guo Changcheng’s wallet, tucked them under a glass as payment, and stalked off with Guo Changcheng under his arm.
“What are you looking at? I did that for her own good. How dare she try to poach someone from Kunlun-jun? I’m astounded that the idea even crossed her mind.” Chu Shuzhi stuffed Guo Changcheng into the car, then he stretched out his long legs. “Drive,” he ordered. “Take me home first.”
Guo Changcheng didn’t say a word. Crimson-faced, he started the car.
On his crossbody bag, an invisible object shaped like a fish scale was sending signals.
The very next day, a rumor began to spread: “Chu-ge and xiao-Guo are dating! 9 University Road is full of gays!”
And what happened to whom? Lin Jing? The Lin Jing who just so happened to hear something he shouldn’t have and spread the rumor?
Heh heh.