Chapter 3-4:
Lewis
MY PARENTS PASSED AWAY WHEN I WAS A young child. My final memory of my mother was when she held me within the overturned carriage, completely lifeless. I had no other relatives and was sent to the orphanage. Our family had a dog, but I had no idea what happened to it.
I couldn’t fit in at the orphanage. I was always sad, and I yearned to meet my mother and dog again. But whenever I spoke of my woes, everyone around me would express their disdain.
“None of us have parents, Lewis,” one of the kids said. “Just bear with it.”
That child had been older than me when he gave that warning, but I thought that didn’t make sense. Just because everyone else endured the pain, why did I have to as well?
That’s wrong, I thought. I was sad about my loss and couldn’t help it. These were my emotions. And so, I chose to always stay within my shell.
The director and the other staff members of the monastery tried to empathize with me at first, but soon, even they left me alone. The orphanage had plenty of problem children, and they had no time to worry about a quiet, enigmatic child like me. Richard was large, strong, and violent. He was quick to throw a punch, and he had hit me several times. But while he was short-tempered, I didn’t feel any sort of malice from him. His hands were to blame, not his character. Aside from his violent arms, I truly believed that he was a good guy.
Oscar, on the other hand, was bad. He was smart and handsome; he utilized that to be the ringleader of the boys, and not in a good way. He looked down on others just because his father was a noble. He formed a clique and did all sorts of mischievous deeds. He often mocked me. “Gloomy fatty” was the nickname he gave me when he taunted and teased my appearance. Generally, though, he was the type to focus his mischief on the adults. I wasn’t treated too horribly.
Isabel served as the leader for the girls, but she expected some order from the orphans. She was a bit self-righteous and often acted as the mediator in skirmishes between the children. She even punished those who had ill will. I always found her at odds with Richard and Oscar.
Emma resembled a cat or a monkey. She was nimble and loved to climb anything, be it a building or a tree. The Holy Haven Orphanage was a towering building that boasted quite a bit of history, so she made it her mission to climb to the top. She challenged herself again and again, worrying the director and the other employees. If Emma slipped and fell from such a height, she would surely die, but she was rarely injured. As time went on, she was left to her own devices.
Alice was the type of child who would reach for anything with words on it. Her special ability was that she retained anything she read once. She had an eccentric obsession with words and didn’t hesitate to sneak into the rooms of the director or the other nuns to read anything she could find. She would read other people’s letters without a care. I felt like the director and the others were the wariest of her.
While everyone was unique in their own way, I felt like they were all the same, deep down. They yearned for love. I think they acted out because they wanted attention. While the director handled all the children well, she never once treated any of them as special. She carefully made sure that she treated every child equally. Kids were sensitive to changes, and they could quickly tell if she showed any sort of favoritism; she knew that no one wanted to see that.
To an observer, it might have seemed like she shared a friendly relationship with the kids. In truth, it was like she was walking across a tightrope and was skilled in maintaining her delicate balance. As the kids grew older, the problematic ones grew worse. I think that the director must have been stressed out.
It was then that Lady Serena arrived. On a whim, the daughter of the duke decided to select some orphans to be her squires. Thus, the director chose some of the more obedient kids and taught them the basics in etiquette within the time that she was allowed. Yet, Lady Serena didn’t choose these proper kids and went out of her way to select Richard, Oscar, and other problem children. I was one of them.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “You have nothing to fear. You’re essential to me.”
Essential? I thought. Ever since I’d come to this orphanage, not once had I been told that I was essential. But it was the word that I longed to hear the most. None of us knew why we were born. Was it all right for us to stay here? Were we allowed to remain alive? We didn’t have parents and we no longer had unconditional love. We had to find our own reasons to remain alive.
Lady Serena picked the orphans who were most in need of that drive and gave us the motivation to cling to life. We had to overcome harsh trials, and she used clever words to expertly insult us as we pushed the limits of our stamina and souls. Every day was tough, and I especially felt tempted to throw in the towel numerous times since I was fatter than my peers.
It was Richard who offered me a helping hand. Just to note, we weren’t friends. In fact, back at the orphanage, we’d hated each other. But when Serena took the role of the villain, we banded together and deepened our bonds. She had calculated it all. I didn’t expect Richard to notice, but Oscar and Isabel had failed to recognize it as well. Through strict training and studying, we were able to have a clearer ideal for ourselves.
And to top it all off, she had us take care of dogs.
Lady Serena gave me the order one day. “I want you to round up six stray dogs from the city. I’d like them to be puppies.”
I immediately knew what that order meant. She wanted us to raise those puppies and gain a sense of responsibility so that we could mature. And so, I went out of my way to gather puppies that matched each person’s type. The large one would go to Richard. The handsome one would belong to Oscar. The adorable one would be paired with Isabel, and the intelligent one would be with Alice. Emma received an energetic puppy, and I chose a normal one for myself.
Richard and Emma looked delighted, but Oscar and Isabel seemed reluctant. Still, Lady Serena’s orders were absolute—they had no choice but to look after the pups.
And so, our journey started. The dogs were cute, and even Oscar and Isabel, who weren’t so willing at first, gradually doted over theirs. Soon enough, arguments broke out over who had the cutest puppy; I never would’ve imagined that we would quarrel over such a wholesome topic.
However, one thing bothered me. When Lady Serena had first spotted the dogs, for a split second, she looked as though she was bracing herself. I instantly knew why. Lady Serena’s holding herself back from playing with these dogs!
Thinking back, she always put on a tough front and never showed a moment of weakness to us squire candidates. It was only natural for her to act that way since she was at the top.
But she was a young lady our age, and I knew that she yearned to play with these adorable pups. Above all else, the dogs were inexplicably drawn to her. When we first started to look after our puppies, they charged straight for her, forcing us to desperately try to hold them back. Since she was so loved by the dogs, it was obvious that she loved them back. But a person of low status like me couldn’t just impudently suggest that she frolic with the puppies. Even if I said something like that, she would surely decline my offer.
I thought long and hard on how to get her to play with the dogs and eventually came upon the perfect opportunity when we were granted an audience with His Majesty.
The king and his family loved dogs as well, making this the perfect excuse for Lady Serena to play with them. The moment we returned to the manor, I decided to offer her a word of advice.
“Lady Serena, as you are engaged to the crown prince, who happens to love dogs, perhaps it would be good practice to spend time with the dogs every day?” I said. “It’s just a suggestion, of course.”
“What are you trying to say?” Lady Serena asked.
She tried to feign composure, but it was clear that she was doing her best to hold back some strong feelings. She must have predicted what I was getting at and internally leaped with joy.
“Perhaps you should play with our dogs for an hour a day, every day, my lady,” I replied.
“An hour?” Lady Serena asked. She looked as though she had braced herself again; an hour might not have been long enough.
“Is that too short?”
“No, that’s a fine suggestion! I’ve got an excellent squire, and I offer you my praise!”
She hastily accepted my idea. No doubt she wanted to play with them longer, but she must have decided to hold herself back in front of us.
Thank goodness.
She stiffened, but I was sure that she was actually ecstatic. I was finally able to be of some use to her, and for the first time, I felt pride in my accomplishments.