856 C-4, Rain Month 2, Moon 28
“Hey, Ca’al?” Nayira asked.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think we can make it to the fifth level?”
“Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?”
“You know, certain recent events are just forcing me to think.”
“Karen really shook you up, huh?”
“I mean, come on! She’s not even in combat track, but I lost to her in, like, seconds—twice, apparently! I don’t even remember the first time... And it’s not like it’s even close. Even if I’d known exactly what she was doing each time, I don’t think I’d be able to put up that much better of a fight. Most people have to recite the full incantation for the spells to inflict the damage she did, but she could do that much by just thinking about the spells. Isn’t that, like, something that only archmages can do? Can I even get that good?”
“Here’s a word of advice: never compare yourself to Karen. She’s trained under arguably the greatest mage in the realm, and after spending enough time with her, I’ve realized one thing: She’s a true prodigy; everything just clicks for her somehow. Remember that written entrance exam we took?”
“The one that nobody could finish even though we had like four hours? Sheesh, just thinking of it sends chills down my spine. Professor Tellion always seems so laid-back and kind, but her true sadistic personality showed in that impossible test. I don’t know how she expects anyone to finish all of it. It’s impossible.”
“Yeah, except Karen did.”
Nayira’s eyes changed to dots as a blank expression filled her face. “Huh?”
“Karen is one of the very few students who finished the test. It took her the full four hours, but she finished it. And not only that—she also got a perfect score.”
“Huh...? That can’t be possible unless...” Then she gasped as if she made a breaking discovery. “Karen’s a ghost! She’s not real!”
I...don’t even know where to begin with this. I held back every fiber of my being from asking her if she was stupid, not because I was afraid of hurting her feelings, but because I already knew the answer. Instead, I decided to move on from this topic.
“Anyway, what you need to do is stop comparing yourself to literal geniuses and focus on yourself and what you’re good at. Stop trying to learn every type of martial arts and magic in the world.”
“Well, that’s stupid advice. Knowing more means being more flexible in battle and having a counter against more opponents! The more unpredictable you are and adaptive to situations, the better of a chance you’ll have at beating even people stronger than you.”
“And I bet that’s really working out for you, Ms. I’m-Perpetually-Stuck-as-the-Leader-of-the-First-Level.”
“Rude!”
“In all seriousness though, being the leader of the first level is nothing to scoff at. You do know that, right?”
“Says the leader of the third level,” she pouted, rolling her eyes.
“I’m serious that you should be proud of where you are. There are some fifth years stuck in the first level.”
“Yeah, and there’s a second year—cough, you—who’s the leader of the third level.” Then Nayira let out a heavy sigh. “Y’know, it’s cool that the system’s based on skill level rather than grade year, so even a first year can shoot all the way up to the fifth level, but...”
“But what?”
“I mean, isn’t it stupid that I haven’t been able to move up yet?”
“Most of those in the third level and higher are either fourth or fifth years. You’re only a second year, so you’ll get there eventually. Just gotta be patient. Why’s it so important for you to be high in the ranks anyway?”
“’Cause it’s important to be at the top and stay there. That’s why. How much do you know about beastkin culture?”
“Not much, I guess.”
“In nonbeastkin societies, hierarchies are decided by things like bloodlines, popular vote, and wealth, right? Cultures like mine that still use strength to determine the pecking order are scarce. Can you guess where my family is in the beastkin hierarchy?”
Part of me wanted to ask why she was asking me questions that I had no way of knowing the answer to, but I at least had enough common sense to know that this wasn’t the time to complain about it.
“Middle of the pack?”
“Bottom. Way bottom. My mom is sickly, my dad is handicapped, and my two older sisters never really learned how to fight. When I got accepted into this school, my family was so proud. I’m gonna take this opportunity, return home stronger, and shoot my family’s position way up! You get it, right? You gotta pay back the people who supported you your entire life. Ya can’t let ’em down.”
A certain girl’s face with a brilliant smile and bright green eyes flashed through my mind. “Yeah... Yeah, I get that.”
“So that’s why I gotta learn everything I can, whether it’s martial arts or magic. I’m gonna get all the way to the top. Nothin’s more important than family after all. You get me, right?”
I paused, pursing my lips. “No... Not really. I didn’t have the best parents, and I’d definitely never be here if it was up to them. I don’t feel like I owe them anything at all.”
“Ah. Maybe that’s a human thing, conflict with family. For beastkin, it’s all about your family.”
“Yeah, we couldn’t be more different,” I dryly chuckled. “I’ll be happy if I never see them again.”
“You gotta be exaggerating, right? In our tribe, we have a saying: birth, blessing, betterment. Self-explanatory, right?”
“I mean, no. Not at all.”
Nayira chuckled and lightly slapped me on the back. “Well, well, now look who needs to work a little harder in school.”
Yeah, no. I don’t think this is something we’d be taught here.
“So basically, it’s the idea that we’re born into this world as a blessing to our parents, as a way to better their lives and the world itself. Because of that, we do everything we can for the sake of our family. I bet if you think hard about it, there’s something you’re thankful to your parents for, even if you hate them.”
I thought back hard to the bleak days I’d lived, when they’d constantly had shouting matches with each other, snapped at me for the smallest things, and— Suddenly, the smell of rotten animal carcasses and the deafening buzzing sound of flies filled my mind. My hand flew to my mouth, causing Nayira to tilt her head in confusion.
“Uh... My reflexes...I guess,” I weakly chuckled, trying to play off what’d just happened.
“Yeah, your superfast reflexes! See? That’s something, right? Besides, you don’t have to limit your thanks to your family to only what they did while you lived with them. Think about all the important people in your life who you wouldn’t have met without being born.”
A certain girl’s face once again flashed through my head. Her lips moved, saying something to me; her smile radiated the same gentle warmth as the sun. I desperately wanted to take her hand, but I was stopped by a chill that ran down my body. Shadows of my past dragged me back, reminding me of how unworthy I was of taking a step forward with her. A scene of carnage flashed before me. Chilling screams rang in my ear. The smell of iron from freshly spilled blood filled my nose. I covered my mouth, my breakfast in danger of coming back up.
“Hey, you okay?” Nayira asked, concerned.
“Y-Yeah... Yeah, I’m fine. I think I woke up too early or something. I’ll go back to take a nap.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. See that big tree over there in the distance?”
“I guess?” There are a lot of big trees in the distance.
“It’s a good napping place! I train there too sometimes, so I’ll let you use it.”
“Wow, so nice of you.”
“Well, of course! I have some stuff to prepare, so I’d rather be alone anyway.”
“Uh-huh.”
As suspicious as I was about what she’d meant, I was desperate to lie down as soon as possible. But as I left, I couldn’t help but notice that Nayira had gone to the arena where the placement exam was going to take place, and she’d squatted down while muttering something. Is she actually going to train more, or is she trying to cheat by setting up a delayed spell or something?
I shrugged and turned away. It doesn’t matter to me what she does. If she wants to cheat, that’s whatever. Right now, the nausea I felt wasn’t letting me ignore it. I really needed to lie down and rest.
By the time I arrived at what I assumed was the tree that Nayira had pointed out, about fifteen minutes had passed, giving me enough time to make up my mind. I don’t think a nap can hurt. If anything, it’ll help clear my mind. Too many thoughts about the past were crowding my mind.
As I lay against the tree, a wave of sleepiness began to wash over me. The soft warmth from the sun filtering through the trees, paired with the lullaby of wind rustling through the tree leaves and the peaceful chirping of the birds, only continued to tempt me deeper and deeper into sleep. Gotta give it to Nayira. This is a pretty nice spot. I feel like I can forget everything if not just for a little bit.
But even so, a truth lingered: One can never truly escape their past, even in their dreams.