“So, are we done here?” the human asked the doctor, sheathing her wand.
“Technically, I haven’t begun the exam yet...” the doctor said, sheepishly poking her fingers together. A comically red protrusion had grown from her head, presumably from the human’s retaliation.
“Just the basics. Got it?” the human threatened before once again leaving the room.
As soon as the door shut behind the doctor, her expression brightened, and she once again became animated.
“So, where did we leave off? We can keep examining your scales, or we can measure your arm strength. Oh, I can take a blood sample and test it, or maybe I can perform a biopsy of your skin and test it, or maybe—”
“Just the normal exams are fine, whatever those are. I think any further testing of my scales will be useless at this point in time, and the other things you mentioned sound more like things that you’re personally interested in.”
“Well yeah, but still. I want to be thorough. After all, I don’t know anything about elder dragons. Since you’re gonna be a student here, it’ll be best if I know how to treat you if I ever need to. So, with that being said, why don’t you hop into this contraption here?”
I turned my gaze toward said contraption she was pointing at and found what seemed to be a modified table. On it were restraints added for the limbs and head with various wires attached to them.
“The answer is a definite no.”
“Fine,” the doctor sighed. “I’ll just do a small exam. Here, please pee into this cup.” She sounded so defeated that I almost believed that she wasn’t going to do any unnecessary exams.
“Just the normal exams.”
“A urinalysis is normal! I mean, sure, I’m gonna do a lot of different experiments and maybe try tasting a little bit of it, but still! Hey, don’t look at me like that! This is for science!”
When I’d first met this doctor, I’d been confused as to how the school had allowed a succubus to practice medicine. Now, I was in utter disbelief that they’d let her anywhere near patients, especially students, with her personality.
But in the end, the doctor performed only what seemed to be normal exams, albeit very reluctantly. After everything had concluded, she called the human back into the room.
“El’s good to go. I don’t see any glaring problems, so she should be able to take the combat placement exam without any worry.”
“She didn’t do anything weird to you, did she, El?” the human asked suspiciously.
“She asked to drink my urine, but aside from that—”
“H-Hey!” The doctor frantically tried to cut me off, but the damage had been done. She was now, deservedly, earning a hard glare from the human. “I should get some credit! I didn’t actually do it! That counts for something, right?!”
“Let’s go, El,” the human said coldly.
“Aw, don’t be like that. Come on, it’s for science. Science!” she desperately screamed as we left the infirmary, the door clicking shut behind us.
“Anyway, there’s still some time until the written exam. We can walk there if you want,” the human suggested.
“Let’s go. I’d like to see more of the school.”
This was a lie. I simply didn’t want to use the portals, but I’d be damned if I let the human know that.
“Okay, sure. No problem.” The human began to lead the way forward. “All the classrooms are actually in this building, so we won’t have to walk too far. The written portion of the placement exam usually takes place in the main lecture hall, but since you’re the only one taking it, they’re just having you take it in one of the second-year classrooms.”
“Uh-huh,” I replied automatically, not really paying too much attention.
With that, we made our way up to the fourth floor, the human in the lead. Eventually, we stopped outside of a room with a nameplate at the top of the doorframe, “406.”
The door was already open, so I could easily see the layout of the classroom. It was a lecture hall with rows of seats, each a little higher than the previous, and a podium in the front of the room.
Sitting by the podium in a simple wooden chair was a bespectacled elf in dark blue robes and a wide-brimmed, pointy hat. She seemed focused on the book she was reading, not even reacting to us arriving.
“Good morning, Professor Tellion,” the human called out from the doorway.
“Hmm?” She looked up with a sleepy expression. “Oh. Karen and...” she trailed off and gave me a blank gaze.
The human nudged me in my side, prompting me to speak my name. “Mit— El.”
“Mit El. Pleasure to meet you.”
“It’s just El, Professor,” the human corrected her.
“Oh? Hmm... I’ll be sure to commit that to memory. Please, come in.”
She shut her book, placed it on the podium, and stood up from her chair. As we entered, she picked up a stack of papers.
“You still have about ten minutes before the test begins. Have you already taken a visit to the facilities?”
“I don’t see any foreseeable problems,” I responded.
“You’ll not be allowed to leave your seat for the duration of the four hours allotted for the exam, so I suggest relieving yourself if you feel even the slightest inclination. However, please feel free to take a seat in the first row if you’re ready to begin.”
The human shot me a worried look, but I shrugged it off and took a random seat in the indicated row.
“Very well.” The elf professor nodded. She began to slowly walk toward me, and she placed the stack of papers face down on the desk in front of me. “Please do not flip the papers over until I indicate it’s time to begin.” She then turned around to the human. “You’re welcome to wait here if you’d like, Karen. Though, it doesn’t seem as if you’ve brought anything to keep yourself busy. Oh. Perhaps I could interest you in retaking the exam yourself? You can aim for a faster time. I can make another copy if you’d like.”
“I think I’ll just come back in four hours. Good luck, El.”
“Unnecessary. I don’t require luck.”
The human weakly chuckled before disappearing out of the door frame.
“I like your confidence.” The elf professor nodded with approval. “Most students are so nervous that they have to make multiple trips to the facilities before the test even begins. This is a very refreshing change of pace.”
“What’s to fear about a stack of papers? Is this exam that difficult for students?”
“Well...” The elf professor sat back in her chair and crossed her legs. “This is no ordinary test. It’s one that I’ve come up with after years of hard, grueling work. It’s a total of four hundred questions over four different subjects in a span of four hours. It’s designed to exasperate the test taker and gauge how well they perform under pressure. Only a handful of students have actually completed the test, and even fewer have gotten a perfect score. That being said, you shouldn’t focus on any of that. Simply complete the test to the best of your abilities. Though you’re free to take as much time as you want with each subject, I will signal when the suggested allotted time for each subject has passed so you know when it’s best to move on to the next one.”
“And if I finish early?”
The elf professor tilted her head, puzzled by my question. “Finish...early? That would be unprecedented. However...” She fell into thought. “I suppose if you’d finish early, I could dismiss you. You could use the extra time to prepare for your combat placement exam. However, I think that in this scenario, you’d want to double-check your work instead of immediately jetting off.”
“Would you inform the human?”
“Karen? Well, yes. She’s responsible for you, after all. That being said, I don’t believe you need to consider that situation since the likelihood of you completing this test before the time allotted has elapsed is low.”
“How about this: If I complete the test early, you’ll let me leave the classroom without letting her know, and I’ll return before the four hours are up.”
“Intriguing. I suppose with the questions being a mix of multiple-choices and short answers, it’ll be difficult to answer all of them randomly. But more importantly, it’s unlikely that you’ll finish early. It’s unprecedented, after all.” Her eyes flickered with pride.
“Then, there should be no harm in making this wager with me.”
“Hmm. I suppose not.” She softly smiled in response, but there was something about her aura that made me feel there was more emotion within her than she was allowing to show. “I do hope your confidence is only outdone by your intelligence. If it doesn’t exceed that, then, well”—her glasses glinted as she adjusted them—“it’d be very disappointing.”
My first true opponent since arriving in this world would be a paper exam. However, I had a rare opportunity to compare my intelligence to that of the youth of this realm. Nothing like a quick mental warm-up before trying to kill my mortal enemy. I picked up the pen provided with the exam and began at the signal from the elf professor.