The next day, my personal physician was called to my room. He examined my injury and asked a few questions about my symptoms. This world didn’t have CT scans or anything, so since my mind was clear and my only visible injury was a small bump on the head, he said to just keep an eye on it, and that was that.
To be fair, even with the latest in modern medical technology, they probably wouldn’t have been able to do much about me regaining memories of my possibly-past life.
I didn’t have any particular plans after seeing off the doctor, so now I was holed up in my study. Craig was standing guard outside the door, and my butler had come in briefly to bring me tea. But otherwise, I was spending the day alone, sitting with some random pieces of parchment spread across my desk and pretending to work.
Why? Because I had no idea what to do!
Sure, I’d decided that my end goal was to die for good, but I was at a complete loss as to how to spend my time right now. This was the world of a novel I’d read, and I remembered the entire plot, but I was one of the villains. Obviously, stories were primarily told from the perspectives of the protagonists, and Sig the Rebel was no exception. In other words, the book didn’t bother depicting Heinreid’s everyday life in any detail. Besides, even if it had, he’d definitely be up to no good; I didn’t think I’d be able to act the way he did in the story.
Still, I needed some sort of guidance. I tried going through Heinreid’s memories to see how he usually spent his time, but it was all just plotting evil schemes or carrying out evil schemes. I wasn’t finding anything I could work with.
Actually, maybe I should just go ahead and die as soon as possible. After all, I’m practically a living embodiment of terror. If I’m gone, everyone’s gonna be thrilled. If there aren’t any other issues, then everything’s nice and simple—I can go ahead and do it right now.
Except... The last time I’d killed myself, I’d made all sorts of preparations. Even Heinreid probably needed to settle his affairs somehow or other. What sorts of stuff did dukes have to deal with, anyway? I racked my brain for ideas, but I’d been a broke nobody in my past life—I had no clue how nobles in another world went about committing suicide. I tried checking Heinreid’s memories, but no dice—even though he must have been thoroughly aware of just how much everyone hated him, he’d never once thought about dying.
This asshole’s completely useless...
Thinking through this on my own wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so I decided to seek out someone else’s opinion. In fact, there was a perfect candidate right nearby.
There was a little bell on my desk, but that would just summon the butler; instead of ringing it, I walked over and opened the door. Before the man standing next to the doorway could say anything, I immediately made my request.
“Craig, I need to talk with you. Come in.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
He stepped in without any fuss, and I sat back down at my desk. I would’ve liked to have Craig sit down too, but the only chair in this study was the one I was sitting in, so he ended up standing in front of me. As a former commoner, I felt a bit awkward about the whole setup. But, well, both of us standing while we talked would’ve been stressful in its own way.
This is what’s natural here, right? It’s fine, right?
I snuck a peek at Craig to try and gauge his expression. He looked a bit nervous and fidgety.
Huh? Is it because I called him in here all of a sudden instead of the butler? Don’t worry, I’m not about to change my mind and punish you for yesterday. I just want to chat. Actually, this could be good news for you too.
Just as I remembered, Craig was on the protagonists’ side. He first showed up in the novel as one of Heinreid’s men—there was even a scene where he battled against the hero, Sig. But Craig was actually a valiant, honorable man who’d helped Sig flee the palace when he was about to be killed. Craig had almost faced execution for his role in the escape, but Heinreid had already attained absolute power at that point, and Craig’s life was spared on the duke’s recommendation to the king.
“There are torments far crueler than death for men such as this,” he’d said.
God, what a scumbag. Remembering that scene from Heinreid’s perspective was absolutely infuriating.
Anyway, the upshot was that Craig had been set up as a villain. If Heinreid died, he’d be one of the people most directly impacted—in fact, it could easily be a matter of life or death for him as well. He was definitely the guy I needed to talk to.
Now, how to bring it up? I obviously wasn’t going to jump straight to “So, I’m thinking about dying! How’s that sound to you?” Heinreid had just sustained a head injury; if I started saying stuff like that now, they’d call the doctor right back in. But at the same time, if I was too roundabout, I wasn’t confident I could guide the conversation where I wanted it to go.
My best bet is...
“Craig, let me ask you a question. Do you understand exactly what would happen if I were to die here and now?”
I decided to frame my question as a test. Obviously, I know the answer! I’m just checking to make sure you know, as my employee! It was a classic tactic bosses used occasionally in order to save face. I’d been on the receiving end of it at my old job too. The employee pretends not to know why the boss is really asking and says “Well, let’s see... I think the answer is such-and-such. Is that right?” as though they’re looking for confirmation. The boss gets to keep their dignity and remember the answer, and with the boss in a good mood, the employee’s work goes smoothly—a perfect win-win situation.
That was what I’d imagined, anyway. But Craig looked concerned as he struggled to come up with an answer.
Maybe the question was too disturbing? He might be trying to figure out whether there’s something else I’m getting at.
I was about to give him a nudge—“What’s wrong? It’s just a casual question.”—but right then, Craig opened his mouth, and I swallowed my own words back down.