The nighttime wind wailed fiercely over the cliffside road. My body shivered in the cold as I slowly pushed my moped uphill. Streetlights were already sparse on this dark stretch of road, but with snow and sleet hampering my vision still further, it truly felt like an environment utterly hostile to life.
The perfect spot for an accident.
Calling it a stroke of luck might have been a bit of a stretch. But it was a stroke of convenience, at least.
After all, I was about to kill myself.
I wasn’t suffering from any mental illness, and I hadn’t lost hope for the future—I’d simply found myself in a situation where death was the best option available.
I’d just happened to come from a poor family with a single mother, and my sister had just happened to fall gravely ill, and the treatment had just happened not to be covered by our health insurance. And finally, I’d just happened to have a life insurance policy that would pay out enough to cover my sister’s medical bills. That was all there was to it.
I’d gotten a job straight out of high school and worked as hard as I could to save up money to help put my sister through college. But all of those savings were nothing compared to the money my family would get if I died. We really did live in a messed-up world.
That said, I knew that no matter how dire the situation was, I shouldn’t have resorted to this—I should’ve searched for some other solution. I understood that. I really did. But...
“Mom... Onii-chan... I’m so sorry...”
I could still hear my sister’s trembling voice as she’d lain in her sterile white hospital bed, apologizing to us. I could still hear my mother’s anguished sobs as she’d crumpled to the ground on the spot.
As that scene had unfolded in front of me, before I could even start to panic, a thought had seared itself into my mind: I need to save her, no matter what it takes.
After that, I’d taken some time to carefully prepare—reviewing my insurance policy, scouting out good spots for a suicide, meticulously planning out every detail. I’d learned that if the insurance company found out I’d killed myself for the money, they’d almost certainly refuse to pay out. And so, I’d thought about how best to make my death look like an accident. It was just as well, really—I didn’t want my sister to feel like it was her fault her brother had died.
In any case, this was the first time I had ever considered killing myself. I’d been concerned that maybe this was just an ill-conceived impulse decision—that I might end up losing my nerve as I went through the actual preparations. But in reality, nothing of the sort had happened. Everything up to this point had gone incredibly smoothly.
I wasn’t a particularly great or talented man, but I was determined to be a good older brother. I would gladly take all of my sister’s misfortune onto my own shoulders; I’d do it with a smile.
I reached the top of the cliff and came to a stop. By the side of the road, a sign declared, in large red letters, “SHARP CURVE AHEAD—DRIVE CAREFULLY!”
It was too dark to see farther into the distance, but just as the sign said, there was a hairpin curve on the road downhill from here. On the other side of the rusted guardrail was a sheer cliff face covered in jagged rocks. If anyone fell over the edge from that height, there’d be no saving them. It was a dangerous road, even under the best conditions; if I rode my moped down on a night like tonight, with the snow obscuring my vision, well...it wouldn’t be any surprise at all if I got into an accident.
When I’d realized that this perfect cliffside was on the route between my home and my workplace, it had felt like nothing short of divine intervention. The upshot was that I could die a perfectly plausible death without needing any pretext for being out here.
All right. In this weather, barring some sort of emergency, there shouldn’t be any cars on this road until morning. Best case, the fall kills me instantly; worst case, I freeze to death. I’d rather not suffer if I can avoid it, so I really hope it’s quick...
My thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of my phone in my jacket’s inner pocket. I pulled it out to look at it; the name on the screen was “Mom.” Probably a reply to the message I’d sent her an hour ago: “Be home soon.”
I stared silently at my phone for a moment, then put it away without opening the message. I closed my eyes.
I’m sorry, mom. I won’t be coming home. I’m sorry, Yurika. Get well soon, dammit. I’m sorry, boss. I twisted your arm into giving me all that overtime, but I’ll be leaving you understaffed. Also...
I recalled the warm, caring doctor who’d attended my sister; the supportive teacher who’d helped me land a job; the woman who’d given me a shoulder to cry on when things had been rough; all the friends and coworkers who’d been kind and welcoming, even when I’d been withdrawn and unsociable... In the depths of my heart, I apologized to every last person I could think of. I hadn’t left a note, so they’d never know, but all the same: I’m sorry. And also, thank you. My life was a happy one because all of you were part of it.
I slowly opened my eyes again and straddled my moped. The engine thrummed to life, echoing through the night on this desolate cliffside. All I had to do now was hit the throttle.
The gradual acceleration, the cold wind biting at my skin, the inexorably approaching cliff...
With a sharp crash and a shattering roar, the curtain fell on Kashimiya Tsukasa’s life of twenty-five years.