My tenth—no, ninth—awakening. I had been dreaming about eating a steak, and now I felt horrendously ill. I spat out the pebble that I had been chewing on in my sleep. There was an odd smell in the room, though I might have been imagining it. I was thirsty too. I didn’t want to think.
✦ ✦ ✦
I couldn’t tell the difference between being awake and being asleep anymore. I was horribly afraid of death. That sensation of endless falling into a bottomless void, cold and alone...
That memory was back. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to keep calm, but I couldn’t get enough oxygen. My eyes filled with tears. I was cold and afraid. Would nobody come to save me?
Beyond my hazy consciousness, I heard...something. Something was standing before me. I couldn’t make out its color, its size, or even if it was human. But I was certain there was something there.
“Do...” My bone-dry mouth opened by itself. “Do not...”
I kept speaking, though I gasped for breath as I did. “Do not...doubt...He who...cannot be seen...”
I didn’t know why I was saying those words. However, the moment I recited them, it was as if a warmth embraced my heart.
“Do not...rebel against...He who is...all merciful.”
The presence before me seemed to come closer. I couldn’t see or hear it, but I knew He was there.
“Do not...want from...He who is...most exalted.”
The presence and its warmth were slowly melting my fear away. By the time I finished reciting every word, my mind had regained its peace.
I let out a sob, my tears stemming from gratitude this time. I threw myself on the ground before Him—a show of reverence. I eventually lost consciousness, though still surrounded by that warmth.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Let us give thanks for His compassion.”
Sister put her hands together. The other children and I followed suit, offering Him our prayers. When Sister ended her devotion and began to eat, we immediately picked up our spoons and started shoveling food into our mouths.
I had been taken out of my room the moment I’d collapsed. Whatever I had seen at the end, I was sure it had been a hallucination. My memories were hazy, but I did remember that strange smell. There had probably been a drug released into the air.
They wanted to brainwash children. Knowing that gave me confidence that I would be eventually let out of that room, but the extreme situation I was in still sapped my mind of its resistance. I learned, painfully and clearly, that the human mind was not robust at all. The children here had been prepared to embrace the other side. It was too much to expect an adult to retain their sanity in the face of darkness and hunger, let alone a young child.
Among these children were faces that appeared in the memories of the boy I was possessing. They were likely going through the exact same process as me. The next stage was probably education. Now that our brains were malleable, they could instill any beliefs they wanted in us and use that to make us do all kinds of dirty work. It was the most natural conclusion I came up with.
I describe the owner of this body as “the boy,” because he had no name. The true name he was given as part of the ritual just before my awakening might have sufficed, but I also felt that that “true name” shouldn’t be uttered so freely. Besides, whenever I tried to remember what it was, a haze came over my mind and I couldn’t. I didn’t know why he wasn’t given a name, despite the inconvenience. It might have been for religious reasons or because the adults felt it was better that way.