“How often does she shed?” Sister asked, her eyes shining hungrily as she studied what the dragon girl had produced. As usual, it was before bedtime, and we were in the usual meditation room.
“I’m not sure. I think I remember her shedding three times so far.”
“Probably once a year, then.”
I wasn’t sure about that either. There were no calendars when we had been locked in the chamber, and we had no way of knowing when the sun rose either. How many days did a year even have?
I had a million questions, but I figured she would grow suspicious if I asked them all, so I narrowed them down to things related to what she was asking me about.
“What kind of medicine did you make with the scales I gave you before?” I really wanted to ask if she made poison from them, but again, I didn’t want to give her a reason to be wary.
“I looked into it afterward. Apparently, blood’s better than scales for making medicine.”
I had heard that the blood of horseshoe crabs could be used in medicine. Not that it was relevant right now.
“It’s not fair for me to be taking these things without giving you anything in return, is it? I hear you’ve been having trouble releasing your essence.”
“That’s right,” I replied. It had taken me a long time to even find a starting point, and I hadn’t made rapid progress since. I was definitely in the lower rungs of my cohort.
“Why don’t you show me now, given we’re already in a meditation room?”
I didn’t respond right away. Sister walked toward me slowly, took one of the nearby chairs, and spun it around so it was facing me. A smile was plastered over her face, though it was impossible to tell what it meant.
“Take a seat.”
“Thank you.”
After I sat down, Sister fetched a number of jars and a candle from a shelf. She opened the jars and used a spoon to scoop out the powder inside each, which she put onto a plate. Each type of powder seemed to necessitate a different amount. She wasn’t just portioning them out randomly.
Once she’d gone through all the jars, she shook the plate and mixed them together. When the powders had become homogenous, she held it out to me.
“Sorry, but what is it?” I asked.
“Noctisbane powder. It calms the mind.”
Given it ended in “-bane,” it seemed to be something a bit more dangerous than that.
“Ingest too much and you’ll enter a sleep you’ll never wake from.”
Just as I thought.
“There are eclipsera berries mixed in there too. They facilitate the use of essence.”
I waited for the catch.
“Take too many and your organs will melt into nothing.”
Just as I thought.
“With that, we have dried limosroot. It makes sure the toxins from the other ingredients aren’t absorbed by the body.”
That made sense.
“Have too much and it weakens your digestive organs, starving you.”
Probably should have expected that.
“They are all normally regarded as poisonous plants, but the way I see it, there’s a thin line between poison and medicine. Medicine can be toxic to the healthy and even to the sick in high doses. There is nothing to be excessively frightened of. Be afraid only of turning your back and remaining in ignorance.”
“I agree with you completely,” I said. I couldn’t say anything else. Her logic had me trapped.
I lifted the plate and tipped the powder into my mouth. The taste was indescribable. Steeling my resolve, I swallowed. The fear that I had just ingested poison made me feel sick. As I grappled with the powder, Sister lit the candle in front of me.
“Try releasing your essence,” she said.
“Yes, ma’am.”
I let the tension drain from my body and redirected most of my attention to controlling my essence. It probably didn’t take that much concentration, but since I was receiving one-to-one tutelage, I didn’t want to go about this half-heartedly. Besides, there was no need to hide the extent of my abilities. Not now, at least.
“Yes, you’re not that good at outputting, are you? Can you charge?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I started doing just that, demonstrating the newest of my skills. I held my essence over the surface of my body, where it would enhance my physical ability if I wanted.
“You’re better at controlling it than you are releasing it. Can you focus it on your hands or legs?”
“Focus it?”
So far, I had only sent my essence out from the center of my body. Releasing meant pushing it out as far as possible. Charging meant keeping it closer than if you were releasing. I was hounded by a quiet regret: I wasn’t a child. I should have thought to experiment more.
“Best to start with your hands if it’s your first time.” Sister took my hand and lightly pressed her fingertip into the join between my thumb and my palm. “You have an aperture here. Try to focus your essence on this spot.”
Focusing my essence. I figured that meant limiting where I was releasing it or perhaps redirecting where my charged essence went. It flickered around my body like the candle’s flame. When I tried to move it, I felt it warp ever so slightly.
Toward my right hand...
Try as I might, my essence didn’t move. It only twisted in shape.
“Maybe we need to do this in steps. Try charging your essence everywhere but in your right hand.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
It did seem much simpler to make the hand an exception instead of a focus point. I pushed my essence away from my hand. It felt like squeezing a bag full of water to shift the liquid around. Focusing my essence would probably require something quite different.
“Well done. Can you limit where your essence reaches even more than that?” Sister asked.
“I’ll try.”
I was already close to my limit, but I wanted to get used to moving my essence around as soon as possible. Though it took some effort, I managed to manipulate it further. It felt like I was able to focus on it more than usual. It must have been the herbs.
“That’s it. Let go of some more of that tension in your body.” Sister placed her hands on my shoulders and started tapping in regular intervals.
Tap, tap, tap.
I was able to focus better on controlling my essence.
Tap, tap, tap.
I couldn’t remember the shape of my body. It was like I was nothing but essence. I was able to move it just like I would my limbs.
In this world, I was nothing more than an infant. I couldn’t even move my body—my essence—properly. Feeling impatient, I tried and tried again, fine-tuning my approach each time.
“Can you hear my voice?” Sister asked.
“Yes,” I responded unconsciously, unable to take my eyes from the candle.
“Have you ever seen your combat instructor and the dragonborn girl talking in secret?”
“No.” My mouth was forming words by itself. It was like I had lost control over my own body. I couldn’t even turn my gaze. Sister was completely out of my line of sight. My focus was still concentrated solely on manipulating my essence.
“Have you ever spoken to the combat instructor?”
“Just once.”