“Big sister Lucille! I, Alice, have come to visit!” I declared as I burst into the room.
My beloved big sister Lucille stood up and welcomed me with a wide smile. I was so happy; I jumped into her arms and nuzzled my face against her.
As she patted my head gently, she giggled. “You really are a spoiled child, Lady Alice.”
Her soft demeanor made me think, She’s like a goddess! Still, I asked, “Do you dislike me that much?”
“Of course not! You’re sweet and charming. You’re my dear friend!”
Until I met big sister Lucille, I’d never known the joy of imploring someone for a loving response while being absolutely assured that I wouldn’t be denied.
For the record, she was the one who made me this way, okay? It would’ve been unthinkable for my past self. After all, there hadn’t been anyone in my life who would spoil me, so I never knew how to ask for it.
✦ ✦ ✦
◯◯◯
Before meeting big sister Lucille, I’d thought of my home as a placid nightmare. I wasn’t abused, but the disappointment in my family’s eyes and the air of resignation and disinterest had slowly eaten away at my heart.
Thinking about it now, in a way, it had been extremely cruel. If they’d said or done something to me, I could have complained or fought back. But since they hadn’t—as they’d only said, “It’s nothing”—I hadn’t been able to do anything to protect myself.
I was the normal child, born after my gifted brother and sister. While my siblings had been praised to the skies, I had been treated as if I were invisible. It’d been suffocating.
Sometimes I’d wonder if I was being unreasonably pessimistic. Those thoughts had stopped me from venting my emotions, compounding my suffering.
But now, things were different. After meeting big sister Lucille, the dull ache in my heart had disappeared. In situations where my past self would’ve wanted to cry from the pain, I instead heard her voice in my head.
For example, if I overheard my elder brother being praised for his brilliant research, I’d hear big sister Lucille say, “Oh my, Lady Alice! You’re usually so energetic; it’s a surprise to see you sitting down with a pen and paper. You look so adorably intellectual!”
She was the kind of free spirit who would start complimenting me about something completely different from what I was actually doing. The first time it’d happened, I’d asked her, “Wouldn’t you normally praise me on how much I studied or my level of comprehension?”
Her reply had been, “Was that weird of me? I was just voicing my reaction out loud... Namely, ‘How cute and wonderful!’ Sorry, I should’ve put some thought into it.”
Her unfiltered thoughts had been words of praise for me. My shock at that moment had been indescribable.
As another example, if I was watching my elder sister being commended for helping people in need with her magic, I’d hear big sister Lucille say, “I feel energized when I’m with you, Lady Alice. Is it because you’re so fun to talk to? Just being with you makes me happy!”
Unlike my real sister, I had a lot of time on my hands, but if big sister Lucille was around, she’d turn my downtime into a lively chat, eagerly listening to what I had to say. However, I knew I wasn’t as great of a storyteller as she made me out to me. It was actually her carrying the conversation by finding something interesting in every story I told.
Something surprising happened at one point, though. I hadn’t noticed because she was always such an attentive listener with me, but apparently there were times she didn’t pay attention to what people were saying at all. I heard her complain about some obnoxious nobleman who came to Leeuwenhoek, only to not remember a thing about him later! According to her, she quickly forgot about anything she wasn’t interested in, and if she didn’t care about someone, their words went in one ear and out the other.
However, she remembered everything I said, no matter how trivial. She probably didn’t think much of it, but it made me want to cry tears of joy.
So this is what it’s like to be treasured...to be acknowledged just for existing. Even though I’m not being praised for anything I accomplished, I still feel seen.
I now laughed at situations that used to make my heart ache.
Heh heh heh! If big sister Lucille were here, I just know she’d give me some kind of superpositive compliment. She’s so offbeat!
The pain in my chest was gone. No more searching for my worth and drowning in insecurity. My house didn’t feel like a nightmare anymore, even though I was still the same ordinary child for whom nobody held any expectations. The only change was that big sister Lucille had set my heart free.
Also, I have a special power! I feel like I’ve gotten ahead of the rest of my family!
Wait, am I a bad girl for thinking that way?
Worried, I asked big sister Lucille, who beamed at me and said, “Ooh, you’re getting ahead of them! That’s so exciting!”
Oh...so I’m allowed to be excited.
Big sister Lucille was whimsical, full of smiles, and great at pampering me. But because she was so free-spirited, I sometimes felt that she was similar to a cat. Was it because I always saw her talking to them? Actually, how was she able to do that?
She really is charming and mysterious! Could she have been a cat in her past life? Heh heh heh, as if!