But of course, life wasn’t that simple. The million yen in my bag reminded me of that fact.
The sum that had always been out of my reach was suddenly mine to keep. Was it a scam after all? Was I playing with fire? I really didn’t care anymore.
Looking up from my pillow, I could see the urn, placed on a piece of fabric I’d laid out on the floor.
Inside was my mother.
She was still here, since I lacked the funds for both a funeral and a grave to place her in. Still, no matter how long it took, I wanted to give her a proper burial.
“This should cover your living expenses for the foreseeable future as well as your mother’s funeral.”
“I’d like to buy your time—for two hundred thousand yen a month.”
“Because I know you can’t refuse.”
He had come thoroughly prepared. On top of that, he’d made an absurd, frankly audacious proposal. He said this was a contract, but I knew he wouldn’t let me go, not even in five years’ time. I’d probably never see another yen from him, and before long, I’d be made an accomplice to some crime, likely blackmailed into it.
Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to care.
My mother was dead. My father was gone. I had no family or education to speak of. Whatever future lay ahead of me, I wouldn’t be losing much by throwing it away.
What mattered most was having one million yen in my possession.
At least it meant I could give my mother the send-off she deserved.
“Do you even want to graduate?”
Sada’s tone was plenty intimidating. The school’s guidance counselor knew when to treat us like children and when to treat us like adults. He wore a stern expression this time, which of course he did, because without my ass giving him more work, he could’ve gone home early.
It was the first time I’d shown up at school in two months. After class, I was immediately summoned to the guidance counselor. Behind him, my homeroom teacher watched me awkwardly. For whatever reason, he couldn’t bear to look at Sada.
“I do, sir,” I replied simply. This was just another part of the ritual. As long as I went through the motions, it would be over soon.
“Good. You can make up for the credits you lost with an essay.”
“Yes, sir.” Straightening my back, I replied cheerfully, making sure it didn’t come off as forced. All of us would rather have been heading home now. United in our purpose, it should have been easy enough to accomplish.
Sada smiled sheepishly at me. “You’re welcome to work part-time, but remember your duty is to study. I understand losing your mother was a big shock, but you mustn’t lose sight of the big picture.”
Oh, please, tell me exactly what you understand.
What I was supposed to be doing was making enough money to get by, which was the only reason I showed up to school today at all. I wasn’t here to be lectured about my life choices, and I had no desire to be a model student.
His platitudes wouldn’t pay my tuition, would they? I wanted to both laugh and sigh, but I knew how to hide my feelings.
Smile, make it look genuine. Even knowing they get some sadistic enjoyment out of talking as if they know what’s best for you, you have to keep your ears down, show them your belly. Show no hostility, no malicious intent.
I didn’t have the power to stand up for myself—neither socially nor financially.
Don’t let it get any worse than it already is.
“Yes, sir.”
“If you’re tight on cash, tell your relatives. Ask them to give you a bigger allowance.”
“I will try, sir.”
I’d never had an allowance to begin with. I had informed him of this more than once, but now I only repeated the same stock phrases.
“I will try, sir.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Let’s talk again soon, sir.”
Minors without an adult to support them don’t tend to get treated very well. When was it that I noticed a hidden expectation behind every “Are you okay?” When was it that I realized they simply wanted to avoid making any extra effort? When was it that I learned to say I was okay without hesitation? When did I get used to faking a smile?
I used to bite back at the playful insults, the barely disguised curiosity in their feigned concern. Then I slowly realized that even my reaction tickled them, and I finally stopped resisting. I learned that no one would help me. I understood the meaninglessness of asking for help at all.
Perhaps the kindest person in my life was the guy who gave me cold, hard cash, even if that came with its own risks.
“That’ll be all for today, then,” Sada concluded.
“Yes, sir.”
I left the guidance counselor’s office and headed straight for my shoe locker. I wasn’t upset enough to let it show. Checking my smartphone, I noticed it was almost 5 p.m. I had to go to the Nishikawa residence.
Sitting by the entrance was a familiar face.
“Finally done? Sada loves to ramble, especially when he gets to point out everything you’re doing wrong,” Toyota said.
“Sorry, were you waiting for me?”
“Well, we’ve got lots of catching up to do.”
“Sorry, I’ve got plans.”
“I’ll walk you there.”
After I changed into my outdoor shoes, we left together. Toyota and I were in the same class last year. We ended up separated this year, but he remained the only friend I could trust.
“Heading to work?” he asked, fiddling with the sleeve of his unbuttoned uniform.
“Yeah, I guess you could call it that...”
“So, not the construction job?”
“I’m quitting that one this week.”
“Huh, and you’ll be all right?”
“Oh yeah. I guess you could say I got hired? By this rich guy. The pay is surprisingly decent...”
“Uh, you sure that’s safe?”
“Honestly... No.”
“Don’t land yourself in hot water, man,” he said, patting me on the back playfully. Knowing he didn’t take life too seriously, I enjoyed Toyota’s company.
About halfway between the school and the front gate, I noticed a bunch of students gathered just outside the gates. The target of their attention couldn’t have been clearer.
“Yo, ain’t that a Lexus?” Toyota mumbled.
“A Lexus?”
“A fancy car, man.”
Toyota’s parents ran a car repair shop, but the brand name meant nothing to me. But in contrast to Toyota’s excited expression, I felt mine cloud over. I recognized the person I saw through the rolled-down car window.
“Sacchan!” he called, clearly looking at me. I checked behind me, but there was no one there. When I turned back, I could feel his gaze on me. Alongside the eyes of the other students. And Toyota’s too.
Who the hell is Sacchan? How did he get that from “Sakata”?
“You know him?”
“That’s my, uh...employer?”
“Sacchan, Sacchan!” He beckoned me closer.
I stepped forward, fighting to keep my face from cringing. The students’ gazes followed my every step.
“I knew I’d find you here if I waited long enough. I came to pick you up.”
“I don’t recall agreeing to this...”
“Oh, but this is so much faster. Get in. Would your kind, honorable schoolmate like to join us?”