“Sometimes, people have good intentions, but their kindness is misplaced,” he explained slowly. Kindly. “That can happen even with close family members. There’s only so much you can do if you try to guess what the other person might want. In these cases, the best anyone can do is be honest about what makes them happy or not.”
“But…if you tried to make someone happy and they weren’t, wouldn’t it make you sad?”
“Of course. But I’d regret making the person I was trying to treat well sad a lot more, Marie.”
He hadn’t said it outright, but he was sad at this very moment. His eyes told me so, and that fact made my heart ache.
“I’m sorry…” I said, looking down once more.
I thought I heard a sigh.
“I’ve gone and made you apologize again,” Lord Kyros said. “Is my face that scary?”
“Huh?!”
Once again, I was so shocked that my head darted upward to look at him. The face he was making wasn’t the one I’d been expecting. His brow was furrowed, and he seemed to be at a complete loss.
Scary? I didn’t think he was scary at all. To me, he looked like a sulking child who’d just been scolded. Seeing a man with such a handsome face looking like this was downright comical to me, so I smiled despite myself, then quickly covered my mouth with my hand.
“Y-you’re not scary,” I said. “I just say sorry all the time. I’m sorry I have such a hab—oh, no! I said it again! Please, don’t mind me…”
Lord Kyros still looked helpless, and I started feeling terrible. This wasn’t what I wanted. I was trying to be considerate, but all I’d achieved was making him sad. It was exactly like he’d said: I regretted my decisions and felt incredibly sad. I didn’t want Lord Kyros to feel this way, nor did I want the people of the castle to either.
What do I do? I should have said something else… But what? “I’m okay”? “I can bear it”? “I’ll be fine”?
I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but I didn’t know what was.
I’d meant it when I said that Toppo’s cooking was delicious and that the dresses were beautiful. I wasn’t picky, and I didn’t have likes and dislikes. There hadn’t been anything I’d hated. Or rather, I’d had no idea how to pick what I’d liked.
As far as I could remember, I’d never been given choices. All I’d ever known was things I had to do and things I couldn’t do. I did the work I was ordered to, ate what scraps I could find, and wore what clothes I was given. And, well, I’d been convinced it was enough. I was convinced I’d always had everything I’d needed.
Have I been wrong all this time?
Lord Kyros stared at me intently for a while before asking once again, in that soft, deep voice of his, “Is there anything you’re missing? I’ll give you anything you wish for, Marie.”
Given the way I’d been feeling lately, I was all but certain I must be missing something, but I didn’t know what exactly it was. It had to be something I didn’t know—something I’d never experienced.
Ever since I was born… I’ve never…
Lord Kyros watched me for a few moments, at a loss for words. Then, he opened the upper teapot and looked inside while humming.
“Still needs some time,” he said. “You have to let it steep long enough for it to turn bitter and then dilute it. If we don’t find some way to pass the time for a little longer, we won’t get to enjoy good tea. So, Marie, what should we do?”
He changed the topic for my sake. I felt the tension leave my body. I was very thankful.
“I’d like to talk about something fun,” I replied.
Lord Kyros smiled. He sat back, crossed his arms, and looked at me. “That sounds good,” he said. “Let’s do that. Do you have any questions?”
“Hmm… So… Hmm…” Yet again, I was drawing blanks.
“All right, I’ll ask the questions,” he offered. “What did you do when you had free time at home?”
“Well, I climbed on the roof and scratched the soot off the chimney. I usually mixed it with poultry manure to make fertilizer.”
“Okay… And what did you like to do with your friends? There are beautiful rivers in the Chandelan territory, aren’t there? Did you play in the rivers? What kinds of games did you prefer?”
“The water of the rivers is for farming, and our house was responsible for managing them. Whenever the villagers called for me, I’d go fix the water wheels or clear the trash. I also arranged for workers to mill the flour and other such tasks.”
Lord Kyros furrowed his brow again.
Aaaaah! I screamed inwardly. I did it again! These weren’t the sorts of things we were supposed to be talking about! This had been meant to be a fun conversation! I started searching frantically for another topic.
All right… Something fun, think of something fun… But try as I might, I couldn’t recall a single fun thing from my life at the Chandelan estate.
“Don’t force yourself, Marie. These things take time. We’ll go at your pace.”
I had a feeling I heard the count’s voice, but I was so panicked that none of it registered. Something fun… I just have to find one thing… I started reviewing all of my memories, year by year. I can’t believe this! Why can’t I find a single thing to bring up?
Seventeen, fifteen, twelve, ten, six…
The young Anastasia of my memories had a bubbly laugh, and when she smiled, you could see she was missing a few baby teeth. Back then, she was still taller than me. She pulled me by the hand and ran around, giggling.
“Marie, Marie, what game should we play?”
At long last, I gasped and shouted, “Lord Kyros! Word chain! Let’s play word chain!”
Though I’d only just finished speaking, I already regretted saying it. Word chain? Seriously?
I was talking to a twenty-four-year-old man—a count, the son of a duke at that, who frequently visited the royal palace and had built a fortune through international trade! What was I thinking, trying to make such an important man play word chain?
Sure enough, his eyes widened in surprise. “Word chain? As in the children’s game?”
Yes, exactly, the children’s game! I’m so sorry! My life had been so uninteresting that the only fun thing I could think to do was playing word chain.
As I fell into the depths of despair, Lord Kyros rested his chin on his hand. “Isn’t this game only fun for children because they have limited vocabulary? We know too many words for it to make much sense, don’t we?”
You’re completely correct, my lord. I’m so, so, so sorry.
“To make it interesting at our age, we need some adjustments,” he continued. “How about forbidding some letters? Or only allowing words longer than ten letters?”
Huh? I lifted my head.
Lord Kyros looked very serious as he muttered to himself. He seemed to be in deep thought. “I suppose the easiest way to challenge ourselves would be to set a theme. We’re likely to lean on the topics we know best, so we should pick a theme we both don’t know much about. But what…? Do you have any ideas, Marie?”
His lordship, the count…is really going to play word chain with me? I couldn’t think of anything, so I absentmindedly replied, “The things you like, Lord Kyros…”
“The things we like? Sure, that’s a nice theme,” he replied with a smile. He clapped once. “All right. So long as you like the thing you choose, anything’s allowed. It can be food, an animal—anything at all. The only thing that matters is that we speak the truth, but I’m sure the honor system will be good enough. Well, then, I’ll start, if it’s all right with you.”
“O-okay, please do.”
“Marie.”
“You’re supposed to start with an A, aren’t you?!” I protested.
Lord Kyros nodded. “That’s a fair point. Apple pie, then.”
Apple pie, huh? I thought back to him happily munching on his slice of apple pie and chuckled. I found my own answer very quickly. “Enthralling Ypsandrian stories.”
Lord Kyros let out an enthusiastic “Oh!” before adding, “Come to think of it, you did mention that the night we met.”
“Yes, I did.” I nodded. It turns out I did have things I liked and fun memories—and very recent ones at that! Why hadn’t I thought of that night sooner? It was my first meeting with him too!
A wave of joy came over me and I felt my cheeks flush red. Lord Kyros also seemed to be in good spirits. He still had his chin resting on his hand as he looked at me. “You should go to the castle’s library,” he said. “There are lots of foreign books there, including books from Ypsandros. I’m sure you’ll find many you like.”
“I will. Thank you.”
“I should focus on the game, shouldn’t I? ‘Stories,’ was it? Well, I love a good scone.”
“Nectar.”
“Erhu, the instrument.”
“It’s Shainese, right? Not that I’ve ever heard its melody,” I said.
“It sounds lovely. It looks delicate at first glance, but it gives a cheerful sound, like an old man humming.”
“An old man humming? What kind of comparison is that?” I laughed. “‘Hu,’ then? Hu…ckleberry.”
“Yule log.”
“Garlic chive.”
“Eclair.”
“Romaine.”
“Another ‘e’? E…ton mess.”
“Sage.”
“Again?! You’re out for blood, Marie!”
“The point is to aim for victory, isn’t it?”
Lord Kyros’s pout was adorable. I was trying my hardest not to laugh, but I lost it with his next reply.
“Egg tart…”
“Ha ha ha! You only go for desserts!”
He didn’t seem to have noticed until I told him, and he scratched the back of his head with an embarrassed look on his face before arguing, “And you only go for crops!”
“What?! No way! Did I really?”
“You did! I was hoping you’d at least pick flowers or fruits after the berries. I was trying my hardest not to burst out laughing!”